MRS. GROG'S BLOG

Love Covers a Multitude of Sins

2012-02-14T09:21:00.001-05:00

As we navigate through these parenting years, I am often burdened/overwhelmed/grieved by the sin I see well up in our children, especially our older ones. Such feelings inevitably then lead to grievance regarding similar sins I find in myself and Eric, as the apple doesn't fall far from the cart.

One morning last week as I was running, I was particularly burdened for my children in regards to less than desirable actions and attitudes I had been seeing. I was also feeling a bit panicked about the teenage years that loomed in front of us and the difficulty of navigating through all the issues that come with our culture these days. I felt tired, overtaken and weak--exactly the way a fish must feel swimming upstream. I spent most of the run asking for forgiveness for falling short in so many areas, asking for grace to cover our weaknesses, asking for wisdom to be Godly parents, and asking for divine intervention in the lives of our children.

That day I felt pretty desperate. Do you ever feel that way, so zeroed in on the yuck that you are seeing that you are having a hard time seeing any good? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed at a situation and so at a loss of words, that my prayers tend to be a few phrases repeated over and over. On this day I just kept repeating:

'Lord, we need you, please help...Your grace is sufficient for our weakness, please be strong where we are weak...Love covers a multitude of sins...please let your love flow in and cover the multitude of sins you see in us and our children.'

As I finished that run and those prayers, the Lord did not provide immediate answers, or some big revelation, but He did impress one thing upon me:

Keep praying, keep praying, keep praying...the most you can do for your children during these years is intercede for them.

I have yet to witness a time that the Lord doesn't show up after a desperate prayer. Now, He may not answer the prayer in a way that we see fit, but He always shows up. Always.

This time was no exception. As I went through the rest of my day and the rest of my week, I felt His presence. I felt His grace, covering me and helping me in my weaknesses. And I saw Him move and answer the prayers of a desperate mother in small, tangible ways.

For one, I saw my daughter, who struggles with doing her schoolwork thoroughly and completely, win a small victory in this area. As I saw her achieve and overcome, I saw God sanctifying. I was reminded that sanctification comes little step by little step, and my job when I see such victories is to applaud and encourage.

The sweetest gift of all, though, was how the Lord chose to show up among my youngest and oldest. You see, these two mix like oil and water. My oldest, Joshua, a natural born leader who thrives in a well-ordered world has little patience for our last born who is the king of chaos. His impatience and irritability with our four year old, Owen, was one of those areas I had been desperately praying over.

...Yet God moves and melts hard places in the most creative, unexpected ways...

Owen spent one afternoon last week making valentines with his grandmother. When we went to pick him up, he proudly sauntered out with his masterpieces. He walked about our van handing out his labor of loves and each of us exclaimed how wonderful it was. All, that is, but my oldest. My heart sank as he tucked his in his book and I wondered frustratingly, 'Why aren't you opening yours?'

But God had a different plan with different timing.

It was a significant moment that needed a more intimate environment than that of riding in a van down the road. It was a significant moment that needed to include our entire family.

Thus, as we conjugated before dinner, Joshua pulled out his valentine from Owen:

Owen and Josh

Two names listed together in the innocent writing of a four year old.

Good Brother.

Nothing else written and nothing else needed.

Written in a grace-filled, forgiving squibble.

But the image on the back was the clincher:

The heart of a four-year-old finding and cutting out someone working out because he knows his big brother lives for work-outs.
The Supernatural working out the kinks in a relationship with something super-hilarious.

Using the irresistible, unconditional work of a four-year-old, innocently loving someone who didn't deserve it...

melting the hard in the most creative of ways

Walls came down, laughter replaced bitterness and love covered a multitude of sins.

A mother's prayers answered...

...a step forward...

And the Father whispered:

Keep praying, keep praying, keep praying...

Happy Birthday to our Oldest!

2012-02-12T19:41:00.000-05:00

So, we recently learned of a really fun tradition that a family we know does on each of their children's birthdays. They make up a birthday limerick about that child and put it on their answering machine. We wanted to adopt this tradition, but we don't have a home phone nor an answering machine. But we do have this blog!

So, Joshua--this one's for you! We love you so very much!

Josh Grogan, blonde-headed and tan,

He's always been focused and planned,

With well-balanced meals,

And repeat running drills,

We thank God for this gifted young man!

My due date was February 12. And of course, Joshua was punctual, born right on time on February 12, 1998, at 8:56 in the morning. Today, punctuality is still important to him. He plans out his day to the nth degree and has a specific time for everything he does. It is all thought out and well-planned, down to the very last detail.

As a new-born, he got ruffled easily if his schedule and environment weren't just so-so. He is still characterized by such today. He likes things a certain way and can be a bit inflexible at times :) .

He lined up his animals and cars as a toddler, spending hours on the set up. Today, he no longer lines up things, but oh, does he plan everything out to the very last detail. Schedule-oriented, driven and focused--I love all these things that make him who he is.

He loves cross country and track--it is his passion. I will be sharing a story about him and his running that happened this past fall--one of my very favorites...I'll write it when I can find a minute (which happens to not be now!) :)

My long-haired babe is Ten!

2012-02-01T08:43:00.002-05:00

Our middle-born son is named Wes,

When asked to do chores he says, 'Yes',

Baseball is his game,

Yet running's his fame,

Mama WON'T cut his hair, I confess!

My Top Ten on the Tenth:

The hair--what can I say? I'm your mama and I have my priorities!
Your big smile and the way it takes over your face
Watching you run is one of my favorite things
Watching you on the baseball field is one of my other favorite things
Your quiet presence--it always has a way of making a 'presence', even though you aren't trying to
That you can bust a move--again it's unexpected, which makes it all the more funny
Your diligence and hardwork ethic you've inherited from your daddy and big bro'
Can I just say shirtless and compression shorts? The slimness makes me smile every time...oh, what I would give for one-tenth of that!
Really proud of how hard you are working in school this year, especially how you have stuck it out in Math when it's been hard and how now you're starting to see the pay-off...love this about you!
Your new found interest in the Racers and the fact that all you want for your birthday is MSU gear sure does make these alum-parents happy!

I could go on...the fact that you've conquered the Bop-it and made it to the 'master' level, your loyalty to your friends, your obedience factor...of course if I name these things, too, then I would be naming the 'Top 13' and this momma would be having a tougher time than she already is! ( and let's not go borrowing trouble....)

So instead, I will just relish today, this day when you are '10', remembering that special day ten years ago when your daddy had to be summoned by loud speaker in the hospital cafeteria because you decided to be born while he was in the middle of grabbing some lunch.

And it's been one sweet interruption after another ever since.

Ironically, ten years ago we had JUST moved here and JUST settled into Louisville...now on your tenth, your double-digit milestone, we are preparing to move to a new town...ten more years, Lord willing, of new memories and new adventures...

~A CELEBRATION OF 'TEN' ON A MULTITUDE OF LEVELS~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WESSIE-BOY! WE LOVE YOU SO!

2011 Christmas Letter

2011-12-24T09:16:00.005-05:00

Yes! Finally--Finished! Technical difficulties overcome!

Dear Friends,

Oh, how I am praying that God's Spirit will indwell my fingertips like never before and write this story. You see, this is His story--this journey we've been on, this 'ultra marathon' that we have lived, breathed and endured over the past year. It's a glorious testament to His realness. I am begging Him to knock me out of the way and to put pen to prose, to leave absolutely nothing out and give His story the justice it deserves. So (deep breath), here we go...

2011. We rang in the new year with a few of you. Those of you there may have remembered the goofy video our family made as part of a white elephant gift. I have to say, it was hysterically funny--I still get a stitch in my side thinking about it. The video was poking fun at the fact that Eric had recently lost his job, a subject not very funny to say the least. Yet we were coping with it the best we knew how, and one of those ways was to stay light-hearted about it and laugh as much as we could. After all, laughter is the best medicine, right? Little did we know, we were going to need to draw on that reservoir many times over 2011 and that reservoir was going to need to run deep. But we were going to need more than surfacey laughter; we were going to have to dig deep into the well of Living Water and ask for joy. This unemployed season was going to require an endurance of supernatural proportions and only the 'joy in all circumstances' that comes form Him and Him alone would be able to sustain us.

Let me back track a moment for a few of you whom may be in the dark. In November, 2010, Eric lost his job. Thus, we entered the Christmas season with a new and unfamiliar title--unemployed. God led me to purchase a journal at this time to record all that we were going to experience in this season. I vividly remember dragging my feet up to the check-out counter at Michael's and almost not buying it. You see, I had a little nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach--that ominous sense that if I was going to purchase a journal than it was going to have to be filled with prose. Prose of the difficult kind. Ironically (yet of no surprise to God), the front of that journal was covered with the words 'Jump for Joy'. Yes, He knew. He knew we were going to need joy by the heapfuls and the only way to unlock the reservoir of unending joy was through praises of thanksgiving. One of the first verses I memorized after becoming a Christian was 1 Thess. 5:19: 'be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.' God asks us to memorize His Word so that we can carry it with us wherever we are, coming to our aid whenever it's needed. Over the following months, that verse, along with Nehemiah 8:10, 'the joy of the Lord is my strength', became the mantra of my mind, playing like a broken record over and over again--keeping me grounded, keeping me sane, but more than anything, giving me a supernatural 'fill-up' whenever I needed it.

With the beginning of a new year, we were hopeful.   Surely, a job would materialize before long, right? Right, God? Right?!?! Unfortunately, God doesn't always answer our prayers with a 'yes'. Sometimes He says 'no' and sometimes He says 'wait'. Strangely, in the months to follow, every time I got frustrated with God's silent waiting room, the words of a song would immediately come to my mind:

'I beg your pardon; I never promised you a rose garden.'

I know, weird, right? Those words may be from a song of a different era, but they are true, nonetheless. God doesn't promise that things are always going to be rosy and perfect. What He does offer, though, is His hand to hold onto tightly in the midst of the trial.

We prayed. We hoped. We thanked Him. We prayed. We hoped. We praised Him. All the while, Eric interviewed. Yet, God said no to this job, and no to that job, while simultaneously extending His hand and providing for needs. Need after need after need, He provided. Journal entry after entry after entry, we recorded.

Then, as if on a divine timer, problems and breakdowns of epic proportions began occurring. Murphy moved into our back bedroom and wasn't about to budge...not one inch. I think many of you started calling us the Bad News Bears hehind our backs. I wouldn't have blamed you. It was true. Yet it was all in His timing, because impossible situations are His specialty. Gigantic problems set the stage for the grandest of entrances and He was about to make a scene, causing quite a stir that would leave no denial--absolutely no denial--that His involvement was all over this thing.

Enter problem numero uno. Our washer died. As much as a family of seven needs a functional washer, we felt clearly the Lord saying, 'Don't go buy a new one on credit. Pray and wait'. So we prayed and waited...and dragged ten loads of laundry to the Laundromat. Fourteen days later, a friend just 'happened' to move into a new house where the prior owners just 'happened' to leave a washer. And not any old washer, mind you. The exact brand we would have bought had we went out and purchased a new one! You bet we recorded that one! Journal entry #64 to be exact.

Next, our sewage backed up into our home. We had to move out of our house for four days AND figure out a way to come up with a couple of thousand to fix it. Some suggested we borrow the money and get it fixed. The washer still fresh on our mind, we were determined more than ever to rely on the Lord, pray, and wait...and to roll up our sleeves and do whatever we could ourselves to fix it. Eric pulled together a team of faithful friends, rented a backhoe and began digging. They dug until it got too dangerous.... We prayed. We waited. And wondered... Just as we were about to throw up our hands in surrender and put it on credit, a group of anonymous givers (many of them being you!) went in together and collected more than enough to fix it.  Recording Journal Entry #94, we were beyond humble and grateful. Oh, but God wanted more glory than that. Just as we were about to cut a check, the city informed us that it was their bill to pay. Thus, they fixed it for free. Journal Entry #95! We were thrilled beyond reason! We praised Him up and down! Yet, we couldn't help but wonder why. Why, God, did it end up costing nothing when you provided the funds to cover it? Maybe because His foresight is 20/20...

...Because two weeks later our transmission blew. Yep. There we sat, on the side of the interstate with a busload of kids in tow. Being responsible Triple A membership owners, we smugly pulled out our Triple A card and called them up to collect on our free tow.

'We're sorry,' they said, 'but your large van is over the weight limit for towing. To get that service you need the upgraded 'RV membership'.'

'Can we upgrade??!!'

'No. But we'll get you a tow back to Louisville for a mere $300...'

Crickets chirped in the background....along with all of the children complaining and whining, asking what we were going to do. So I sent them down in the ditch to play on the side of the interstate. We stood there, our heads spinning. The weariness from the past several weeks began to turn to anger. I WAS SO DONE--COMPLETELY DONE--and I was going to let God know it! I stomped. I cried. I sulked. I yelled. I had a tantrum of the grandest sorts while those eighteen wheelers sped by. And when I stopped to catch my breath, I heard ever so clearly and quietly:

'I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden...What I do promise, though, is to walk with you through the landfill.'

The part of me that is His knew that these words, as hard as they were to hear, were truth. The part of me that is pulled by, taunted, and anchored to this world and luring promises continued sulking. That battle between flesh and Spirit raged for the next few days...until one morning in sweet surrender I finally stretched out that hand. And a supernatural 'fill-up' of the tenderest kind occurred, resulting in His peace, His joy and His strength despite the present circumstances. Gratefully I recorded Journal Entry #110: 'transmission paid for in full for van with money collected for sewage problem'.

As the first half of the year ticked away, jobs presented themselves that seemed too good to be true--perfect fits if there ever was such. Perhaps an excerpt from an email I sent to several vested prayer friends paints the picture best:

'Whether we win or lose, we will praise the LORD'--my favorite line of Facing the Giants--favorite yet most difficult, too...

Yesterday, we got a 'no' on the job...now through our 'tunnel vision' and our 'world lense'... we automatically think this is a 'loss', not a win. And rightly so--we have been praying, focusing all of our energy on this company for the last several weeks and 'going for it'...doing so because circumstance after circumstance kept lining up that this was 'the job'--interview after interview made everything appear as if this was 'the one'. It 'appeared' God was working behind the scenes, lining things up, etc., etc., the manager was pulling for him, all of the other sales reps were pulling for him but in the end, God's answer was no.

God closed the door with a resounding thud...

We know He closed it because we have been seeking Him, pursuing Him, and had every inch of this covered in prayer--so, so many people praying for this... so we can be assured God's purpose and plan is in the no. We can rest in it. Thank you, Lord, for the 'rest of faith', the resting in the shadow of your wings...

God is upside-down, topsy turvy and works outside our neatly pressed, slick suited interview system. Unimpressed with impression, His ways are not our ways because our identity is not in a job, it's in Him alone. Thankful that we are learning this on a field trip and not in the classroom--so thankful.

He said no to the future yes.. and faith of the holiest sorts is built in the waiting room of God.

Well, God did not make us Grogans runners for nothing. So yesterday we thought we were in the 25th mile, coming up on the finish line...but today we realize we are on the sixteenth mile with ten more to go.  It's okay. We've been here before. We know what to do...our training is going to kick in , our fans on the sidelines have made sure we've got plenty of water and gel packs :), and we are going to push through this race...there will be some pain but it's the good, stretching kind of pain...when we get tired, our Father is going to whisper in our ears that we can do it...our friends will be right there on the sidelines, cheering us on...no, no--I must change that. With the kind of friends we have, they are going to jump into the race, run with us, and then carry us over the finish line. I'm sure of it...'

Summer emerged. As the sun beat down and scorched everything in its path, our family was experiencing a drought in more ways than one. Job opportunities...dried up. Job leads...dried up. We were tempted to let our hope...dry up. While Eric continued to do menial work to make ends meet, I baked bread to provide extra income (you can read a funny post about that here :) ) , and God creatively filled in the gaps. We now had over 120 journal entries to date.

Sports. We love them. It's what our family does together for fun. Our boys' smiles are biggest when they are competing. Our two favorites are baseball and running. And--truly--God used these two things to keep us 'up' during a very down season. With four boys playing baseball--well, for a couple of months out of the year, we are totally, 100% immersed. This past season we went to approximately 872 baseball games (that number might be a little high, but not by much :) ). As much as we love baseball, and as much as it helped keep our spirits up, running is what kept us sane. So much so, that Eric and I decided to spend our summer training for a marathon. As we trained our bodies to endure the pain of a marathon, God trained our minds for the marathon of our circumstances.

Some days we hit the road full of frustration (a polite word for anger) with God. Venting and complaining, we'd lodge our arguments. Mile after mile, He would diffuse. His Spirit would minister. Mile after mile, He would share His perspective and enlighten us with His promises:

'....Wait...strength will rise as you wait upon me...My ways are not your ways...My power is made perfect in weakness...A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold...Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk (run)...So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (emphasis added), and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own...'

And so we waited, and we ran. Day after day, through His Word, a devotional, a song, or a podcast, He sustained. And on the run, He ingrained. He turned fears into faith, He turned sadness to joy, He turned complaints into thanksgiving and He turned strife into peace.

And through the discipline of running,
we found His rest.

And as summer came to a close, our circumstances hadn't really changed. God had chosen to remain silent in regards to our many heartfelt cries of employment. He chose to say no without an explanation and without direction. Just simply 'no...and wait.' In fact, we seemed further away from an answer than ever.

And yet, by the route of the road He had supplied Himself...quenching our thirst along the parched path. Yes, we had experienced Him as more than enough. As tears and sweat slid down and off, converging together--paining and training colliding into a stream--along the route of the road in the desert of discipline, He gently and firmly established that: 'For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.'

God often works behind the scenes, strategically arranging events and circumstances to accomplish His plans. Unbeknonst to us, He was about to make a climatic alignment...

One August day, Eric got a call from the local Area Representative of Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). He asked Eric if he could become the Huddle chaplain for the North Oldham High School cross country team. Because he didn't have a job, he was able to say yes to this weekly afternoon commitment. One thing led to another, and soon he was also leading a FCA Huddle group for our children's cross country team. As I reflected upon our past year, God may have closed door after door to job opportunities, but he had opened door after door to be 'fisher of men' (Matthew 4:19). I had spent the first part of the year as the prayer coordinator for Deeper Still. Now, Eric was spending the last part of the year as a FCA Huddle group chaplain. Neither of these jobs could have been accomplished had Eric been working. As I stood on the sidelines, watching my husband combine sports and Jesus, I watched something start to come alive in him.

In our family, the fall means one thing: CROSS COUNTRY! We live, love and breathe it. We spent Saturday after Saturday traveling to cross crountry meets and cheering our children on. As proud as we were of their running accomplishments, we were more proud of them leading their team members in prayer before a race, more proud of the moments they chose to represent Jesus to those around them.

While our childen hit the prime of their training, us marathoners began to taper. The Columbus race loomed on the horizon and all systems seemed a go...or so I thought. Until my knee injury ten days prior to race day. I'll admit, I did not handle this news gracefully at first. Remember that temper tantrum beside Interstate 64? Yep. I threw another one.

You see, at this point, God, Eric and I--we had some mileage going on. Along the route of the road--day in, day out--it had become so much more...so much more than a marathon.

We were a team.

I just had one question on that lonely Monday, one question to His 'no' that was the straw breaking the camel's back:

Why--why are you kicking me off the team?

One question followed by a few more:

'All summer long, your answer has been, 'No, no, no...no to this job, no to that job'...all summer long... and now you are going to say no to this too? This, this way of worshipping, this thing we got going on, this really good thing--you are saying no??!!!'

His retort came quietly the following day through my Oswald Chambers devotional, befittingly entitled 'Getting Into God's Stride':

'It is painful work to get in step with God and to keep pace with Him--it means getting your second win spiritually. In learning to walk with God, there is always the difficulty of getting into His stride, but once we have done so, the only characteristic that exhibits itself is the very life of God Himself. The individual is merged into a personal oneness with God and God's stride and His power alone are exhibited. It is difficult to get into stride with God, because as soon as we start walking with Him we find that His pace has surpassed us before we have even taken three steps. He has different ways of doing things, and we have to be trained and disciplined in His ways....It is God's Spirit that changes the atmosphere of our way of looking at things, and then things begin to be possible which before were impossible...Getting into God's stride means nothing less than oneness with Him. It takes a long time to get there, but keep at it. Don't give up because the pain is intense right now--get on with it, and before long you will find that you have a new vision and a new purpose.'

...And suddenly, I felt small. And my wailings, they felt small...

'Oh forgive me, God, for once again making my life and circumstances all about my wants and my desires. Forgive me for not trusting you even when things don't go my way...help me to remember it's not about the results, it's about the relationship.'

My rebellious spirit submitted.  As we bowed our heads during our family prayer time, I chose to thank Him for this newly aquired difficulty. I chose to thank Him that He might be delivering another 'no'. As I did, His Spirit of Peace filled me with sweet surrender to a marathon Sunday that might or might not involve me as a participant.

As Sunday approached, my knee slightly improved. I decided to go forward by faith, run it and give it my all--until I couldn't.

Thursday before the marathon, Eric interviewed for another medical sales job. It was really weird, but I was not excited about the interview; Eric was not excited about it either. He needed a job (with exclamation points!!!), yet it felt like we were just going through the motions. After the interview that day, Eric went to lunch with some friends. One of those friends asked him if he had ever considered trying to combine sports with ministry. Over the past year, several friends had asked him that same question. We just never knew how to make that happen--it seemed like a pipe dream. Now that he had gotten involved with FCA, this question got his wheels turning. When he got home from that lunch, Eric got on the FCA website and saw a job posting for an Area Representative in Western Kentucky--where he had grown up, where we had went to college (Murray State), where we had met.

I had felt with everything in me that this race was playing a significant part in our employement trial, that when we crossed the finish line and finished this marathon, our jobless marathon was also going to be over. As I reflected on the timing of this job opportunity and our race day, somehow--I really can't explain it--but somehow, I knew. I knew that this job with FCA was going to be God's answer. I told a friend that day, 'This is it...this is what we have been waiting for. This is what God has been preparing us for.'

Sunday. Marathon Day. We prepared that morning before the race with some time in God's Word and prayer. My Jesus Calling devotional stood out as a bright light:

'Look to me continually for help, comfort, and companionship. Because I am always by your side, the briefest glance can connect you with Me. When you look to Me for help, it flows freely from My Presence. This recognition of your need for Me, in small matters as well as in large ones, keeps you spiritually alive.'

My mother-in-law had given Eric and I a bible verse to pin on ourselves during the race. The verse she had chosen for me was Isaiah 41:13: 'For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand.'

Companionship--this is what our journey, our race, had been all about this past year--choosing to grab hold of his hand and walk with Him whether the terrain was tough or easy. As we chose to do so, He infused us with the ability to keep going. Today I was going to have to do the same and look to Him when it got painful.

It didn't take long for the pain to set in. Eric said my face at mile seven said it all. I told him to go ahead as I wasn't sure that I would be able to finish. As I slowed down, I watched he and our pace group run ahead, my dream of a 3:45 finish disappearing with them.

I had all intentions of quitting. I really did. But every time I was about to stop I got a little more strength, a little more stamina to keep going. It was as if Jesus was literally running this race beside me, squeezing my hand every time I needed a boost.

My performance that day didn't even compare to my prior two marathons. I had to completely walk miles 22-24. Throughout the entire race, people past me left and right. Two perky girls in bright pink blew by me, the back of their shirts sporting, 'this is my first marathon and I'm beating you!' I thought about accidentally spitting on them, but they were too far in front of me.

My performance may have been less than par, but what I experienced along the way that day was more than enough. His companionship. Him and Him alone. It was more than enough.

As I hobbled along that day on the race path, I saw clearly the path divinely forged for us in 2011. We, too, had been thrown off the peformance train. We, too, had been forced to hobble along, forced to watch people pass us left and right. Yet His companionship had been more than enough. Strangely, while he had never promised us a rose garden, we had been forced to move slowly through what we had initailly considered a landfill. Forced to linger in the landfill, we had found roses in the most unexpected places, yielding the most unexpected blessings. Beautiful blessings, over 200 recorded, so many more that had never even made it to paper. And I realized  He does promise a rose garden...we just have to be willing to stop and smell the roses, His divinely planted roses.

From the world's perspective, my marathon was not a winner. From the world's perspective, our family's 2011 wasn't a winner. Yet, could it be that the winning was really in the losing?   Losing pride in a job, to gain humility in our Savior's identity. Losing the grasp of the allure of riches, to gain eternal treasure. Losing our desire to trust in ourselves, to gain the faith to trust in His provision. Losing our self imposed plan and purpose, to gain His. Yes, I could see it now...The winning had been in the losing.

We crossed the finish line that day. That finish line represented the end of an aimless wondering in the wilderness. The end of a long season of waiting. In the weeks that followed, God unfolded His plan, a plan to take us to Western Kentucky--Paducah to be exact--to spread His Word among coaches, athletes and students.

We can look back now and realize that He has been right beside us every step of the way, preparing us all along.   The year of preparation, that's what 2011 has been. A preparation that occurred through recording and remembering. The journal purchase last December was not a mere chance occurrence, but rather a divine appointment to build faith, to build trust, to infuse peace .

The verse He has continued to put on our heart is Matthew 9: 38: 'The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.'   We ask, as we prepare over the coming months, that you pray for us. Pray for His grace, His help, His plan, His purpose. Pray for the harvest field in Western Kentucky, for workers to emerge, for a plentiful harvest. Moving and leaving Louisville is going to be the hardest thing our family has ever done. We will go with tears streaming, but we will go with excitement brewing. Excitement over the adventure the Lord has us on...we are pumped about following His lead and 'running with perseverance the race marked out for us!'

Yes, just as 'the Shepherds returned, praising and glorifying God for all that they had seen and heard' (Luke 2:20), we too stand in awe of the year behind us...and in awe of a God who invites us to participate in what He is doing. As I flip through our 'Jump for Joy' journal, I realize there are still so many blank pages yet.  This adventure, this reliance on the Lord--oh, it's only just begun.  With divine ink and hand, He is writing His story...my heart pumps in anticipation just thinking about what's to come.

As you enter 2012, we pray that you would grab a hold of the hand of the One and Only, the sweet Savior of this world--Jesus--and let Him write your story.  We promise you, you won't regret it.

With Much Love,

The Grogans
Eric, Maria, Joshua, Sophie, Jeremiah, Wes and Owen

A View of our 2011 Cross Country Season...

2011-10-25T08:25:00.001-04:00

Cross Country--near and dear to my heart for many reasons... This video is a snapshot of how our entire family has spent the last three months...and whom we spent them with. We've spent four out of the seven days of every week with these kids and their families and our coach--they've become like family to us. We made this video as a 'thank you' to our Coach at our end of season party/bash. Enjoy and come join our team next year! (but make sure you pause my playlist (on the lower right) so you can hear the music on the video)

Too Legit to Quit

2011-10-14T20:05:00.002-04:00

This Sunday Eric and I are supposed to be running the Columbus Marathon. My prayer is that all systems will be a go, because this forty-one year old body has taken a beating and is screaming, 'nnnnnooooooo!' My IT band has decided it doesn't want to support my leg anymore and is causing quite a ruckus to my outer knee. While my knee has been screaming no, no, no, my head is refusing to comply. You see, I have spent the past four months of my life training for this day and to have to throw in the towel at the end would be the ultimate disappointment. I liken it to the artist who has spent weeks on a painting or an actor who has spent months preparing for the big show, only to be told that someone dumped paint on and ruined his entire masterpiece or that there will now be no performance.  Such circumstances are just hard to accept.

Two weeks ago I was supposed to begin tapering, which means easing off the miles.  It is the honeymoon phase of the whole marathon training process (if you could even say there is such a thing!). It's supposed to be the enjoyable time. Instead, I have been doing IT band exercises, foam rolling, icing and taking lots of ibuprofen. Tuesday I even got a cortisone injection.

Why? Why, you say, are you still going to go ahead as planned? Why not set this one out? There will be plenty of other marathons, right? Yes, this would seem to be the most logical answer, just based on the facts, based on the surface of things. Yet let me share with you that which is going on beneath the surface...

Sure, running is one of the best ways to stay physically fit. It is great exercise, etc, etc, etc. True statements, right? True, but surfacy...You see, these are all great benefits to running, and I am glad they are true, but they are not the reasons I run. I run because it is a form of worship. I run because it brings things I have been wrestling over in prayer into focus. It makes that which looked fuzzy become more clear. I run because it puts me into a position to hear from and listen to God. I leave all the activity and noise behind and I can just nestle in and listen. He then infuses me with His strength so that that which appears difficult and unbeatable in my life becomes manageable and conquerable. He transfers His peace and His quietness into my spirit, and thus,

                 through the discipline of running,
                                                    He gives me His rest.

On the surface, choosing to run this marathon was about finishing what I came to do last year--qualify for Boston. Unfortunately, I missed my time by nine minutes. I was determined to come back this year more adequately prepared so I could accomplish that goal. Yet, this training turned into something much deeper than that. You see, we began this year (2011) with a newly acquired identity: umemployed. Jobless is scary for anyone and is especially so when there are five little younguns' depending on you. So we started down a path that we had yet to venture on with God. It has been a daily battle of choosing faith over fear. It has been a precious time of watching our God come through in the most creative ways. In 2011, the name Jehovah Jireh (the Lord will Provide) has become very real to us, and is a dear Name to our family.

Training began at the beginning of summer when the heat came in with a vengeance. Our family was experiencing a drought in more ways than one. Job opportunities from the first of the year had come and gone...dried up. Job leads...dried up. As the three long, hot months of summer loomed before us with all its heat and intensity, we were tempted to let our hope...dry up. But God had a plan, and that plan included running.

So we ran. Some days I hit the road full of frustration (a polite word for anger) with God. Venting and complaining, I would lodge my arguments. Mile after mile, He would diffuse me...His Spirit would minister to me. Mile after mile, He would share His perspective and enlighten me with His promises:

'....Wait...strength will rise as you wait upon me...My ways are not your ways...My power is made perfect in weakness...A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold...Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk (run)...So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness (emphasis added), and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own...'

And so we waited, and we ran. Day after day, through His Word, a devotional, a song, or a podcast, He sustained. And on the run, He ingrained.  He turned fears into faith, He turned sadness to joy, He turned complaints into thanksgiving and He turned strife into peace.

                           And through the discipline of running,
                                                                   we found His rest.

And as our training began to taper and summer came to a close, our circumstances hadn't really changed. God had chosen to remain silent in regards to our many heartfelt cries of employment. He chose to say no without an explanation and without direction. Just simply 'no...and wait.' In fact, we seemed further away from an answer than ever.

And yet, by the route of the road He had supplied Himself...quenching our thirst along the parched path. Yes, we had experienced Him as more than enough. As tears and sweat slid down and off, converging together--paining and training colliding into a stream--along the route of the road in the desert of discipline, He gently and firmly established that: 'For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.'

And four hundred or so miles later, one week before the marathon, I was supposed to be tapering. Yet, I was staring at an injury. Honestly, I didn't take it well. You see, at this point, God, Eric and I--we had some mileage going on. Along the route of the road--day in, day out--it had become so much more...so much more than a marathon.

            We were a team.

I just had one question on that lonely Monday, one question to His 'no' that was the straw breaking the camel's back:

                                               Why--why are you kicking me off the team?

One question followed by a few more, a tantrum of sorts:  "All summer long, your answer has been, 'No, no, no...'...all summer long... and now you are going to say no to this too? This, this way of worshipping, this thing we got going on, this really good thing--you are saying no??!!!"

His retort came quietly the following day through my Oswald Chambers devotional, befittingly entitled 'Getting Into God's Stride':

'It is painful work to get in step with God and to keep pace with Him--it means getting your second win spiritually. In learning to walk with God, there is always the difficulty of getting into His stride, but once we have done so, the only characteristic that exhibits itself is the very life of God Himself. The individual is merged into a personal oneness with God and God's stride and His power alone are exhibited. It is difficult to get into stride with God, because as soon as we start walking with Him we find that His pace has surpassed us before we have even taken three steps. He has different ways of doing things, and we have to be trained and disciplined in His ways....It is God's Spirit that changes the atmosphere of our way of looking at things, and then things begin to be possible which before were impossible...Getting into God's stride means nothing less than oneness with Him. It takes a long time to get there, but keep at it. Don't give up because the pain is intense right now--get on with it, and before long you will find that you have a new vision and a new purpose.'

...And suddenly, I feel small. And my wailings, they feel small...

Oh forgive me, God, for once again making my life and circumstances all about my wants and my desires. Forgive me for not trusting you even when things don't go my way...help me to remember it's not about the results, it's about the relationship.

My rebellious spirit submits and I match His pace and catch His stride.  As we bow our heads during our family prayer time, I choose to thank Him for this newly aquired difficulty. I choose to thank Him that He might be delivering another 'no'. As I did, His Spirit of Peace fills me with sweet surrender to a marathon Sunday that might or might not involve me as a participant.

As the week went on, my knee slightly improved.   I've decided to go forward by faith on Sunday and run this thing and give it my all--until I can't. Today's Jesus Calling was most fitting:

Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My Name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunites to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely--even thanking Me for them--is one of the hightest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms...When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me and My purposes.  Thus your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.

Sunday I am running into the wilderness of the unknown, an unknown that is more than likely going to involve some pain. Whether my body can withstand the race, only God knows, but since He happens to be a team member of mine, I figure He'll keep me posted. My goals have lowered a bit; I honestly will be ecstatic with just crossing the finish. Anything better than that is a long-shot.  But since God specializes in long-shots, I am going to go in with everything and give it my all, knowing His power is perfected in my weakness.

Sunday, as I'm running along and hearing 'Too Legit to Quit' blaring in my ear, I'm going to be praying for His help, His power, His ability...remembering that yes--

He is definitely TOO LEGIT, so there is NO WAY on this side of heaven that I am going TO QUIT.

My Life Story

2011-10-13T08:05:00.000-04:00

Had to repost this--it just can't be told enough in my opinion :). Thankful every day to God for drawing us to Himself!

It is with great joy that I share this story with you. This story involves my husband, myself, our wedding day, a friend who gave us a Life Application Bible and our Almighty Father in heaven who orchestrated it all. It is a story that truly reflects the words of the verse ‘that God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believe in me will have everlasting life – John 3:16.’ God is a personal God. He loves each of us so dearly and cares so deeply that He woos us and draws us to Himself through people and circumstances. This story is my personal account of experiencing the ‘Lord of All’ in a very real way.

Growing up, my family didn’t really go to church—just on occasion. My childhood began as a very typical childhood full of the norm. I had parents that loved me and cared for me. The school year was spent at various sporting events and activities; the summer was spent swimming with friends and vacationing with my family. I had the typical American suburban life; we were living the ‘American dream’, I suppose. However, as I grew and matured, I began to have questions that I believe we all have -– those questions that pop up in all of our heads at one time or another. Questions such as: Why am I here? What is life all about anyway? What will happen when I die? Who is God? Is there a God? Who is Jesus? I asked many people around me these questions from whom I got a myriad of answers: ‘just be good’; ‘you need to be baptized’; ‘make sure your good deeds outweigh your bad’. My best friend in first and second grade, Chrisi White, gave me an answer that would stick with me, though: "You have to ask Jesus into your heart," she told me. I didn't understand what that meant, but from that time on, I consistently began praying that Jesus would indeed come into my heart. I also looked for the answers to these questions in a King James Bible that we had in our home. However, I always got hung up on the ‘thee’s’, ‘thou’s’ and ‘thy’s’ and couldn’t quite interpret what it was saying.

When I was in the eighth grade, my family life fell apart. My mom and dad got divorced and everything about my childhood changed. To say my teenage years were rocky and difficult would be an understatement. To this day I do not like to think back on those years. Those years conjure up memories hinged on emptiness, loneliness and a sense of not belonging. Statistics show that young girls from divorced families often go looking for love in all the wrong places. I could be a poster child for that statistic.

I graduated from high school and was ready for a fresh start. I couldn't wait to go to college and leave behind all of those memories. Unfortunately, I didn't choose to do life any differently than I had in the past. I don't really think I understood how to live differently. Thus, my college years compared to my high school years were very much one in the same.

When I was a junior in college, I met Eric and we began dating exclusively. He and I experienced and lived what I guess you would call the typical college scene: studying during the week, and partying hard on the weekends. Drinking and hanging out with our friends was a huge part of our life. I guess you could say it was the center of our life. Yet, I can remember standing in the middle of a bar, surrounded by all of our friends, looking around at everyone…and again those questions would come to mind—Why am I here? What is life all about anyway? Someday I am going to die, this life will be over—what then??? As I tried to ‘fill’ my life with alcohol and fun, I felt very empty inside. There was a deep void within me that I was trying to fill with everything under the sun, but it just wasn’t working…

Fast forward a few years. Eric and I were engaged and about to be married. It was the summer of 1994. It was a very exciting time as we were planning our wedding and about to begin the next chapter of our life! What I didn't realize was that God was very much there working behind the scenes through this union between Eric and I. You see, He led a friend of ours to give us a Life Application Bible as a wedding gift. Little did we know that this gift would dramatically impact our life and the generations to follow.

Over the next two years of our marriage, I picked up that Bible many times. This Bible was so different from any Bible that I had ever seen or read growing up. It had footnotes and answered many of the questions that no one had seemed able to answer for me. The footnotes and commentary explained every passage that I read.
The more I read it, the more I was drawn to it. You see, the emptiness/that void within my soul seemed to get satisfied every time I read His Word which made me long for it all the more. When I read it, I experienced a peace I had never quite known before. Reading this Bible gave me a yearning to go to church. Eric had grown up going to church and felt it was ‘the right thing to do’. So, we began going to church on a regular basis.

During this timeframe, we also bought our first house which just happened to be right next door to a sweet, Christian couple who happened to be the same age as us. I was so impressed with the fact that they were so much fun, yet went to church. And they did all of this without drinking. Our very best friends from college, Christy and Doug, also began going to church right around this time and I could see a change in them occurring. Partying and drinking seemed to be less and less important to them.

Through the combination of reading God’s Word, going to church, and observing these friends around me, I learned how I was a sinner just like everyone else in this world. I learned that I will always make mistakes and mess up on this side of heaven. I learned that God had come to this earth in the form of His son—a man named Jesus—who had lived a perfect, sinless life. After performing many miracles and teaching many about how to have eternal life, He was crucified upon a cross. While He could have stopped this from happening, He didn’t, because He loved us so much that He took my sins, your sins, and all of humanity upon Himself. He died so that we can have life—eternal life. After being dead for three days, He came back to life and ascended up to heaven where He sits at this moment at the right hand of God. I learned that all I had to do was believe that I was a sinner who needed Jesus as my Savior and all I had to do was believe this and accept this to be a child of His. Yet, I still wasn’t quite ready to claim all of this for myself--I was still holding on to my way of doing life...

Then on January 1, 1997, I met my best friend Christy for lunch. She talked about how they had spent New Year’s Eve with some friends from church—playing games and then praying the New Year in. I remember sitting there, feeling yucky, nursing a hangover and—-well—-embarrassed. I was not proud of the fact that I had spent the evening drinking with friends. It all felt so empty and hollow and I felt so empty and hollow. Right at that moment, more than ever before, I yearned for what I was seeing in her. Again, all of those questions I had been trying to answer all of my life were ringing in my ears. Yet, now I realized God had given me the answers. I just needed to claim it for myself.

A few days later, I finally let go; I relinquished control of my life. I was in the car on my way to work when it happened. I cried out to God and surrendered everything to Him. I prayed and asked Him to forgive me of my sins. I thanked Jesus for dying on the cross for my sins. I asked Him to become the Lord of my life. The peace I had felt each time I had read His Word flooded my inner being in that moment in a way that I’d never experienced before. I felt new--I felt different! I had a joy within that I had never felt before. That emptiness within me that I had tried all of these years to fill with so many other things was finally filled with the One and Only thing that can truly satisfy—Jesus Christ.

God works so differently in all of our lives. Each salvation experience is a work of God uniquely befitted for that person. For me, God instantaneously took away a desire to drink and honestly, for several years the thought of doing so repulsed me. Drinking felt like such a cheap substitute after experiencing being filled with the One and Only Holy Spirit. Please understand that I am not saying to have a glass of wine or drink a beer occasionally is wrong, nor do I believe the Bible says it is wrong. In fact, my husband and I do enjoy drinking a glass of wine or having a beer now and again. However, I do believe the Bible has a lot to say about drinking too much (or doing anything too much, for that matter). In fact, I have friends who are alcoholics and me choosing to drink in front of them would put them in a tempting situation. I believe we have a responsibility to those around us and we should weigh carefully whether drinking will influence them negatively when choosing to partake.

The word 'repent' means 'to turn'. If you can picture me turning around and completely changing after this day, that is exactly what happened. Let me be clear. I didn't quit sinning on this day, nor will I ever quit sinning on this side of heaven. We sin every day, if not outwardly, than inwardly in our thoughts. What He did do is put conviction in my heart. He gave me His eyes for sin and made my heart break over things I did and do that are contrary to His Word. He gave me a desire to infiltrate my life with His Word so that I could live for Him.

God was working in my husband’s heart over this time period, too, through our friends and through church. But the thing that he says had the biggest impact on him was the change that he witnessed in me. He could not deny the fact that I was different—a difference that he found appealing. He, too, surrendered His life to Jesus about five months later at a Promise Keepers rally.

The past thirteen years have been the very best, fulfilling years of our lives. Of course, there have been struggles and difficulties. Yet through it all, God has been our anchor and our strength. He has been and continues to be the glue that holds us together. He has never left us, nor forsaken us. Oh, how I praise Him for this!

Sometimes, I think about how God chose to work in our lives and I am just awestruck. I am blown away by His grace and His love for us as I contemplate the imagery He used in our personal life story. You see, in God’s Word, He tells us that His followers are the bride and Jesus is the bridegroom. He uses the picture of marriage to show us the union between Himself and His children. The fact that He began drawing Eric and I to Himself through the gift of His Word as a wedding present to us is a beautiful picture of His redeeming love. He loved us before we ever even knew how to love Him. That day, I thought I was walking down that aisle to marry Eric. I thought that it was the beginning of our journey together. What I didn't realize was that there was also another Bridegroom standing there ready to begin a journey with me. It was Jesus--standing there with His arms outstretched to receive me, His beloved Bride.

…and it all began because a friend gave us a Bible…that one decision changed the course of our lives and the lives of the many generations that will follow in our footsteps. It is a fact that cannot be denied: God's Word changes lives. It just does.

‘For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.’ Hebrews 4:12

17 on 17

2011-09-05T17:19:00.412-04:00

On Saturday, August 6, Eric and I celebrated seventeen years of marriage. What does one do on the 17th year anniversary, you might ask? Go on a date? Check into a local B&B for the night? Go to Hawaii for the weekend? Well, we did go on a date. And we did get away for the week-end, but not to Hawaii. No, we went to Cleveland. It was a B&B of sorts, though--we stayed with some dear friends who have just moved up there. When we arrived on Friday, our friend Tom, took our luggage and told us he would lead us to our Fantasy Sweet. We could forego our Fantasy Sweet, if we should choose. We chose not to. They led us up to their third floor, now converted to the 'Chez D'amour':

Ross thought of everything. She even had a mint and a piece of Trident gum on each pillow.

On Saturday, we awoke early, put on our running attire and headed out to do what every married couple does on their 17th anniversary: run seventeen miles. We didn't plan to run 17 on our 17th. That's just what our training schedule had us do on this particular Saturday. You see, we have been training together for the past three months because we are running the Columbus Marathon together on October 16th. Well, I don't know if you could really call it 'together' since I'll beat the pants off of him (ok, that was a big fat lie, but it felt good to say and make whoever is reading this believe it for a mere moment). But the truth is, Gladiator has been beating the tar out of me. Yep, been doing it all summer. I'm getting used to running behind him, his sweat flying off and hitting me right in the face. I'm getting used to him talking smack to me, doing his little 'speed walking' beside me like I am running standing still...anyway, I'm not bitter. I know my day will come and he'll be eating all of his little comments.  Um-Umm. One day. One day I'll leave him standing still in my dust...(buddy, don't even add 'in your dreams' to that last sentence. Don't even...)

Anyway, back to the story. Both Eric and I have trained for marathons. But this is the first time we've ever trained for one together.  And, well, it hasn't been easy. It has been a sacrifice on both sides. He has had to sacrifice running faster.  I have had to sacrifice running slower.  Often, I've had to follow as he leads us on a route I've never ran.  He's had to wait while I take a pit stop in Panera Bread. I've had to trust him to not add extra mileage 'just in case' we haven't ran far enough. It seems that every run has been a test of our marriage. Quite often, it has brought out the worst in both of us. As we have sweated through the heat, our tempers have flared.  As we have had to bear down through the pain, our mouths have flapped when they needn't. Not long ago, Eric was running along and going straight at a street at which I wanted to bare right. He was far ahead of me.  When I yelled at him three times, he didn't hear me due to the music blaring in his ears. Of course that made me mad. So I defiantly said in my head, 'Fine, forget you,' and turned and went my own way. As my rebellious self was running along, I heard God's quiet voice:

'that's exactly your reaction too often in your marriage, you know. You vehemently turn and choose not to follow.'

Knife to the heart, I had no comeback. Because I knew it was true.

Oh, how God has shown me my shortcomings through these training sessions. He has shown me that my tart reactions while we run is often similar to how I respond in everyday circumstances within our marriage. Far too often, when I don't feel like 'submitting' or 'following' Eric's lead, I make a snappy comment.  I choose my own way, elevating myself over my husband. One of our pastors at our church is fond of saying, 'Marriage is a slow death.' That statement is so true. Marriage is a slow death of selfishness, self centeredness and every other word derived from SELF.

Maybe right about now you single people are thinking, 'wow, what a morbid picture of marriage you paint...a slow death you say? Why on earth would I want to subject myself to that?'

Well, at first glance maybe it does seem less than desireable.

And, at first glance, the cruxificion--too--appears desolate, dead and downright ugly.

Yet, read between the lines, look intensely upon the cross and it begins to turn into something quite the contrary.  And death and ugly transform into life and beauty. How? How can such a desolate scene become one full of so much hope?

It's simple, yet complex...

It's SACRIFICE.

It's a man choosing to lay down his life for mankind's blatant, defiant sin. For your sin. For my sin. For the lie you told last night...for the short tone I had with my kid's today...for our entitlements and our self consumption.

And the success or defeat of my marriage hinges upon this very thing--sacrifice. Every time I choose sacrifice over self in regards to my sweet husband, I am choosing to know my Savior more intimately.  Every time I turn my gaze up--up towards my sweet Jesus--my vision becomes clearer, more focused...and I choose to lay myself down for my spouse's benefit. And round and round it goes...this circle of life hinging upon the sacrifice, in the giving, not the taking. That is, if I choose.

With every sacrificial step, God does something truly miraculous, transcendental to the hilt. He creates a love in my heart, hand spun...turning superficial into supernatural. He makes what was skin deep, rock solid.

And my petty, worldly attempts at love turn into the real deal. That is, if I choose.

Because it's in the choosing. It's in the obedience. And if I don't choose the 'seemingly' harder thing, I won't experience the sacrificial depths of real, true love.

Which brings me back to 17 on 17. The picture I am so thankful God gave me on this anniversary day. The running of seventeen on our seventeenth that I am certain was no coincidence. Serving as a memorial marker, lest we forget...

A memorial marker because: our run was set up from the beginning to be a dismal failure. August 6, 2011 was about as humid as they come in Cleveland. Inadequate fuel on a long run in the thickness of heat is not a good idea. This run should have been a bust.

Should have. But it wasn't. Sweat drop after sweat drop, step after step we pushed on...together. I wanted to quit at fourteen. I felt weak, depleted. Eric encouraged me to keep on: 'You'll be so glad that you did.'

He's right. I'll be so glad that I did.

17 on 17. I couldn't get the phrase out of my head. It became my mantra. My victory cry. And mile after mile we ran. Grabbing onto his shirt at times through dizzying spells of heat, I let him lead me through the rough terrain.

It was tortuous. It was about as unfun as you can get. Yet in that last step we were flooded with the satisfaction of victory. In the difficult, we had chosen not to quit. We had done it. We had conquered. We had overcome.

Marital ties of the upmost strength are woven through the difficult.

17 on 17. A marriage memorial for the long haul. Not for the faint of hear because marriage is not a little stroll or jog in the park. It is full of sweat, grit and determination. But trudging through all that effort is worth every sacrificial step that turns into a binding allegiance.

To choose the sacrifice
                        is to find greatness in the journey...

and inevitably---

                                  love that endures.

Baseball and the Big O

2011-07-04T18:23:00.002-04:00

Everything the Big O does is big. He lives in the land of extremities. If he laughs it's going to be a really, loud, goofy laugh. If he throws a fit, stand back. It will be a whopper. If he wants to give you a hug, watch out--he'll probably knock you down. If he sings, turn up the radio if you were hoping to hear the song and not him. He plays hard, lives hard, feels hard. That's just the way he is.

We, as parents, wondered how baseball would play out with him. We knew it could potentially be a disaster...or it could be a complete joy. There was no way of knowing; we'd just have to risk it. One thing we could guarantee, though--he would do things completely different then any of our other kids. He would put his own off-kiltered twist on things, thus earning a few more badges on his nickname: the 'O Factor'.

So the O Factor had some choice moments on the field, for sure. Like the time when he ran off and on the field three separate times in one inning, straight to his momma to share something (in a really loud voice):

'Mom, is Miss Wite here yet? When she gonna get here?'

'Mom, I am weally sorry I pooped in my pants earlier. I am weally, weally sorry Mom.' (ummm, thanks for the confession. Such pristine timing. Really.)

'Mom, can I have a piece of dat bubba bum (translated bubble gum)?'

The other proud moment was when he danced around and did a little jig in the outfield for five whole minutes. Yes, that was mighty fine. I believe this coincided with when he told us that he no longer liked the 'baseball ready' position and wouldn't be doing it anymore.

Then there was his last game when he got called out at third. Coach Dave was standing at third and said, 'You're out O--go sit down.' I held my breath and waited to see what he would do. He had never been called out before. And his biggest thrill each game was sliding into home. I watched his face and saw his mouth cock up slightly on one side as he processed this. He took two steps towards the bench and I started to breathe a sigh of relief, but then caught my breath again when he whipped himself around and put himself back on third. I guess he thought Coach Dave might not notice. However, Coach Dave immediately said, 'You're out O--go sit down', once again removing him from the base and pointing him towards the bench.

Finally realizing Coach Dave meant business, he went and sat down. Phew--my tense shoulders could finally relax. Of course, he had to rehash the story to all of his teammates. But since his speech impediment is slightly serious, no one understood a word he was saying.

After the final game, Coach Dave did a little presentation, giving each player a game ball and their 'end of the season' trophy. The Big O walked up, received his trophy and then swaggert and strutted he did, all the way to his seat. O-ee-O the overly confident showboat...such proud parents we are.

All in all, aside from the outfield jigs, the running on and off the field to discuss his bowel movements, consistently losing his hat on game days, and the 'near-fit' misses, I would say that it was a pretty successful first season. Yes, I think next year we will once again be chanting for all to hear:

'TWINS, TWINS, TWINS!'

The Pirates -- Season 2011

2011-07-03T17:43:00.004-04:00

The past week and a half has been consumed with Rookie baseball. While it might have been all consuming, there is not anything we would have rather been doing. This was Wes' second year to play on the Pirates and the second year to play for Coach Matt, who is also his coach for the travel team he is on, the Patriots. Last year the Pirates had an undefeated season and ended up beating the Rays in the championship game (you can read about it here). It was hard fought and well-deserved. Of course, every returning Pirate as well as Coach Matt dreamed of coming back and winning the championship again, making it two years in a row.

The Pirates played well throughout the regular season, yet they seemed to be missing that extra ummph, that extra something. While they tended to play strong defensively, they struggled a bit at bat. Even so, they only lost one regular season game, ending the season with a 15-1 record.

The tournament began and we all held our breath. Could the Pirates make it to the championship again? There were three or four other teams that were pretty tough. Specifically, the Rays. Since they were in the American League division (and we were in the National League), we hadn't yet faced them.  They had been blowing teams out all season long, though. Not only did they play well defensively, they had some heavy hitters in their line up. They had plowed over teams all season, ending with an undefeated record. Then there was the Blue Jays to contend with. They also had been a force to reckon with last year. They proved to be just as tough this year.  Other teams we needed to look out for were the Reds, the Cardinals and the White Sox.

Because we had won our division, we got a bye in the first round of the tournament. Thursday night we played the Astros, winning 15-0. Late Friday night we played the White Sox, resulting in an 8-1 win. Now there were four teams left:  the Pirates, the Rays, the Blue Jays and the Yankees. At this point, it became a double elimination tourney.

Early Saturday morning we came right back to the ball park to face the Blue Jays, which would be the most difficult team to beat yet. The Bluejays came out strong in the first inning, quickly taking the lead 5-0. Strangely, after the first (maybe second?) inning, the pitching machine quit working due to a short in the extension cord. There was a thirty minute delay as the umpires hooked up a new cord and buried it under the dirt. Coach Matt took advantage of this delay to rally the team. It worked. The Pirates did rally, eventually taking the lead and winning 9-6. This was the first game all season where it felt like the Pirates came together and played like a real team. They had that extra umph that had been missing prior to this game. They made some amazing plays and catches in the field and had some incredible bunts and hits. Oh, I love to watch baseball games like that! They are deeply satisfying.  Deeply satisfying.   I can tell you that the fans in the stands got some air that day. I know that I personally was screaming and jumping around like a lunatic!

Sunday came. It was time for the dreaded face-off against the Rays, and oh, they were playing for blood. They were ready to get some revenge after last year. We didn't play until 3:15 PM; my stomach was in knots the whole first half of the day. You would have thought they were playing the World Series. Some friends had us over after church for burgers and then went on with us to the game. I am thankful for them--it kept me from being overly-ridiculously-anxious!

What made this game more fun than usual was the fact that there were two players on the Rays that were on our travel team (the Patriots), of which Coach Matt is the head coach. AND the head coach of the Rays is an assistant coach of the Patriots. So it was Patriot Coach vs. Patriot Coach!  This dynamic made us parents a bit less competitive, as we knew these players and coaches personally and wanted them all to do well!

Nevertheless...a tournament game is a tournament game. And, oh my--it was a bit brutal. The Pirates were somewhat rattled at the beginning, making some mistakes in the field. They just could never get the upper hand in the game, resulting in a loss of 9-2.  We might have been beat, but we were not down for the count. We still had a chance to come back and play the Rays again for the championship.

Thus, we came back on Monday night to square off against the Yankees (who had upset the Bluejays the day before). Our Pirates had another incredible game, both defensively and offensively, resulting in a win of 11-3...

The Pirates had done it again! For the second year in a row they had come back to face off the Rays in the Championship game! Of course, it would be the challenge of all challenges. The Pirates would have to beat the Rays twice to win the championship title. The Rays only had to beat us once.

Coach Matt did up the championship game, just as he always does. He rented a sound system and had music playing in between innings.  He had the players announced at the beginning of the game and every time they came up to bat.  This is how Coach Matt operates. He likes to make it extra-special for everyone involved. And extra-special it was.

Coach Matt has a knack of squeezing every bit of talent out of a player that can be squeezed. Oh, in this game every bit of talent came forth. The Pirates shone. They played the game of their life. They held the Rays to three runs for the entire game, something that no team had been able to do all season long. It was a great defensive battle. In the end, though, the Rays just had a few extra hits in them then we did. It was a rather fast and furious game, ending in a score of 3-1, Rays.

While we would have liked to have won that first game, I don't think there was a parent there that didn't feel as if the Pirates had played 110% that night. It was a great game--almost everyone hit the ball. It was a defeat to not be ashamed of. And they were runners up, which was no small feat.

That game was quite emotional for my husband and I. There had been something special about that Pirate team and now--well--I suppose it was the end of an era. It was the last game of rookie recreational ball.  The last time ever for Wes to play as a Pirate. The last time ever to play for Coach Matt as a Pirate. What a run it had been these last two years...what a run.

And now we get to do it all over again this week with Joshua and Jeremiah... Oh, I can't wait! :)

Grogan Homeschool Graduation

2011-07-02T15:12:00.005-04:00

At the end of May we held our second ever homeschool graduation for Grogan Christian Academy (GCA). Our first graduation was two years ago...then we skipped last year because we were just too tired. But somehow we got a second wind this year and decided to have one.

Sophie made programs of the agenda. I made a slideshow of our year. I also printed off award certificates to give out at the end of the program. We borrowed a 'podium' (a.k.a. music stand) from our neighbors. We borrowed caps and gowns from our other neighbors. We borrowed a big screen and projector to show the slide show. Then we held a graduation practice to make sure everyone knew what they were doing.

Here is the set up of the room:

As our guests filed in, Sophie handed out the programs. Then our graduates lined up in the dining room, awaiting their cue to file in. Their 'cue' was not 'Pomp and Circumstance', because that song just didn't seem to fit. No, instead it was 'Kenkraft 400' by Zombie Nation (you know, the music that is played when the Louisville Cardinal starting five is announced). So Principal Dad announced each of our graduates and they grooved on in.

Here are our graduates. I know you are wondering why Sophie and Jeremiah are wearing caps and gowns...well, it's because the others didn't pass this year. Kidding! Sophie is going into 6th grade and since this the big middle school transition she is wearing a gown. Jeremiah is going into 1st grade, but since we were too tired to have a graduation last year for Kindergarten, we thought he could graduate retroactively. And Preschooler Owen has his baseball hat on backwards, of course.

Next, Principal Dad opened us in prayer and then gave his speech, pulling out his I-pad to give us some statistics in regards to homeschooling for all the sceptics in the room. Actually, this was just to be funny--but the statistics were definitely interesting.

Then we watched a presentation by Preschooler Owen and 2nd grader Jeremiah. They did a dance with motions (choreographed by Sophie) to the song 'Do the Mooshu' by Vegetales.

2nd grader Jeremiah did some recitations: 'Thirty Days Hath September' and 'Mr. Nobody'.

7th grader, 6th grader, and 4th grader Joshua, Sophie and Wes did scripture recitations.

Wes Grogan read aloud his Abraham Lincoln report

Joshua and Sophie presented the History timeline.

Then, I presented the awards. Our 7th grader got the Excellent Writer Award and the Science Award and the Leadership Award. Our 6th grader got the Excellence in English and Math Award and 'Best Helper' Award. Our 4th grader got an Excellence in Math Award and Spelling award and the 'Most Obedient' Award. Our 1st grader received a Reading award and 'The Peacemaker' Award (this basically meant he kept the peace with his rowdy playmate Owen all year) and the 'Best Hugger Ever!' Award. Last, but not least, Preschooler Owen received the 'Best Singer' Award and the 'Most Polite' Award (this got a few raised eyebrows) and also 'The Best Hugger Ever!' Award.

Here I am presenting awards, looking very serious-teacherish.

Owen, anxiously anticipating his awards. Looks so angelic--maybe awards are the way to his heart? Tedd Tripp might not agree with me on that one.

A finale was then performed by Owen, Jeremiah and special guest Polly Bates, followed by a slideshow of our year.

Here is a portion of our lovely audience, looking on:

Lastly, Joshua and Wes performed a piano concert while we wined and dined on chips and salsa.

A graduation dinner of grilled hamburgers and hotdogs was enjoyed by all.

And that, my friends, was the GCA Graduation.

The Faith Walk

2011-07-01T06:58:00.001-04:00

It was January, 1997 – a cold, blustery day with sunshine in full throttle…I sat in my car, unaware that I was about to make a decision that the very breath of existence hinged upon. All around me, there was a battle raging in the heavenlies over my weary-worned soul, the forces of evil fighting intensely with the forces of Sonship...one side fighting for death, one side fighting for life.

Straight down through that sun-filled sky, the Lord of the Universe beckoned me to Himself. The election, the Call—so strong that I couldn’t resist. Heavy-ladened and sin-stained, I fell into the arms of the Son. The Son held me with nail-scarred hands, the Father nodded His approval. While eruption of applause of deafening proportions filled the heavenlies, my soul experienced an eruption of another sort. Supernatural peace flooded in, squelching the chaos and noise that had filled it just moments before.

I experienced my very first brush with faith that day, initiated in me by a Father through the grace of His Son. The Divine Paintbrush reached down and lavished His first bit of color on His masterpiece. A hue of brilliant color began the painting, as I put my confidence and assurance in that which I could not see. The nail scarred hands embraced mine, and we began to walk together, my Companion and I.
Over the coming years, the colors my painting lacked would be added little by little, one faith step at a time. You see, God deepens and strengthens our faith along the journey of our life’s experiences. My faith walk had begun steady footed, but it was in need of some testing. We are told in 1 Peter 1:7 that we face trials so that our faith can be proven genuine in order that Jesus Christ may be glorified and honored. Yes, my faith would need to be proven genuine, and only walking some mileage with Him could accomplish that.

The next thirteen years proved to offer a variety of mileage for my walk of faith. There were seasons of down-hill coasts with the wind pushing me along, and there were uphill climbs with gusts so strong I thought I might not make it. There was treacherous terrain and there was safe, stable ground. My Guide, my Companion, my Jesus holding my hand through it all.

My first mountain pass came with the death of my mother in 2008. All that we experienced in that hospital on the day of her passing can be summed up in a few desperate phrases:

mistaken doctors, mishaps, chaos, confusion…gasping, gasping, gasping for breath…praying, begging for God’s intervention...more confusion…more gasping…code blue sirens…doctor’s rushing…life passing on…stillness.

I sat in that cold, dark, waiting room—in the deafening stillness--with a myriad of questions imprinted on my soul:

‘God, where were you? Where were you? Why did you abandon us? How could you have been in the midst of –of that?’

My faith walk was in a moment of crisis. There was a fork in the road and I had a decision to make. Which way would I go? Both directions included a steep hill climb over treacherous mountains. The only difference between the two paths was that one offered my Companion with nail scarred hands and the other I would walk alone.

I didn’t make my decision immediately. I fumed. I paced. I yelled. I cried. I sulked. I finally spoke it outloud:

‘But you abandoned me when I needed you most. Can I trust you? Really? Can I?’

There. I had said it. How relieving it is to throw off the mask and speak the truth, even ugly truth.
I waited. I braced myself for the blasting dissertation that Job experienced when he, too, questioned God.

It never came. Instead, God beckoned me to Himself with His all-encompassing height-and- depth love.

‘Dear Child, take my hand and bring me your hard questions, even the ugly ones. This is going to require a step by step walk of focusing on Me and not on the rough terrain of circumstances. Remember, true faith is not faith at all if you are not willing to tarry when things look bleak.’

He stretched out His hand. Timidly, I took the nail-scarred one in mine and let Him lead me along the path. Step by step through the grief and unanswered questions of the weeks to come, I learned that faith is stretched, refined and deepened through the deepest valleys. I wrestled through many faith-filled questions such as: Was I really living with an eternal perspective? Or was the here and now, my focus? If the Lord chose to take home another loved one, would I be okay with that? It’s easy to praise Him when things are going well, but what about when they aren’t? Am I going to praise Him even in the hard? Would I be able to say as Job had, ‘the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord?’

Zechariah 8:10 kept me afloat during those days. I don’t know how many times a day I quoted ‘the joy of the Lord is my strength’—more than I could count. Hebrews 4:12 tells us that ‘His Word is living and active…’ I can attest to that, for God took those Words right off the page in Zech. 8:10 and breathed them straight into me. Step by step I experienced His joy and His strength within the grief. Step by step, my faith in Him became stronger and deeper. Step by step I learned not to be marred by life’s circumstances. Step by faithful step, the Master Painter added new colors to His masterpiece.
I am thankful He took me through a crisis of faith when He did. He knew that it would be the training grounds needed to face the years 2010 and 2011.

2010 was the year that we lost two grandparents, an aunt and an uncle. 2010 was the year that Eric’s pay decreased by less than half while he had to work harder and travel more than he ever had in all of his career. 2010 was the year that Eric would be laid out flat with back pain for two weeks. 2010 was the year that he would lose his job just days after his back went out and just days before Thanksgiving.
Strange that his termination occurred amidst the Thanksgiving season. Because that is exactly how God taught us to tarry through these difficulties—with thanksgiving.

As we walked forth in obedience, choosing to thank Him in our adverse circumstances, He began to transform our hearts. Stone by stone, the hard wall in my heart came down. Down came stones of bitterness, down came stones of self-pity, down came stones of entitlement. A river of liberation flowed in its place, one of life-giving peace and joy. Phil. 4:6-7 tells us ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.’

Sure, I had read these verses a thousand times, even memorized them! Yet, only when I began putting the ‘thanksgiving part‘ of these verses into practice did I begin to experience this truth. You see, voicing our thanksgiving to our Savior must precede experiencing His all-surpassing peace. It must.

As we have been thanking Him for the hard things, we are learning another important lesson: Our hope is not in a job, nor is it in money or any kind of security this world has to offer. No. Our hope is in Him and Him alone. Thus, whether He provides a job or not, He wants us to continually praise Him, praise Him, praise Him. While waiting on the Lord for His timing can be excruciatingly difficult, we are learning life’s biggest lessons are most often learned in His waiting room. Faith-building lessons of the holiest sort. We are learning by experience what it means to trust Him for our ’daily manna’, for daily manna just happens to be His strong suit. We have been keeping a thankful journal and we are up to 128 ways the Lord has provided for us so far on this journey. We’re truly speechless by all the ways God has come through for us as Jehovah Jireh (the Lord will provide). We have seen answers to specific prayers when He provided a washer for us when ours went out. He has provided specific amounts of money right when we were in need. He provided a way to pay for a new transmission when ours quit. He has provided vehicles to drive when we have needed them. When our sewage backed up into our house, MSD fixed it for free. Over and over, when we have had a need, God has shown up to meet it. Through His faithful provision, our faith has been strengthened. Provision upon provision…brush stroke upon brush stroke…paint is being added to my canvas of faith, my husband’s canvas of faith, and our childrens’ canvases of faith.

Mile after mile, step after step, my faith walk isn’t over yet; it’s in process, as is yours. Your journey will probably look much different than mine. He uniquely plans each of our walks of faith for two sole purposes: 1.) that we will become more and more dependent upon Him and 2.) that Jesus will be glorified in the highest.

Paint stroke upon paint stroke, the Artist of Artists will add paint to each of our canvases of faith until the day He leads us home…until then, may we grab hold of that nail-scarred hand, keeping our eyes off of our light and momentary circumstances and keeping our gaze upon the Author and perfector of our Faith.

A Video of our 2010-2011 Homeschool Year

2011-06-08T07:03:00.001-04:00

Grogan Christian Academy-- A glance of our year

Chronicles of the O's Opening Day

2011-05-25T09:19:00.004-04:00

Wednesday, May 11, 2011, 7:00 AM. The O pops his head around the wall into the kitchen, teeth-filled grin bigger than his face.

"It's my first baeball bame!"

Immediately followed by:

"Can I put on my baeball oonifoam?"

The mom of perfection ten years ago would not have yielded to such a request. Get a uniform dirty for opening day??? No way. But this mom of five has been around the block a few times...she knows that bacon grease and syrup on a uniform is small potatoes. Today there are way bigger fish to fry than uniform presentation. She nods in compliance without batting an eye.

At 7:35 AM the mom gets one of those uncanny mom premonitions. It tells her to make sure the glove is secure for tonight's game. This manager of chaos is usually not one to follow through with such thoughts ten hours before game time. That would be--just too on top of things. But today something makes her scan the shelves in the garage for little man's glove.

It's 7:40 in the morning on opening day and the O's glove is no where to be found. Lost. Left behind on a bleacher somewhere. The O doesn't take the news very well:

And the first fit is thrown nearly before the dawn of the rooster crow.

Big brother Jeremiah tries to save the day by going and getting his glove out of this bag: 'Look O! You can use my glove...oh no... MMMOOOOMMMM! THIS IS BEN'S GLOVE!'

Ben? Whose Ben? (and by the way, whose on first, Abbott?)

Teammate to big brother Ben, that's who. Whose glove happens to look a whole lot like big brother's, resulting in a switch-a-roo..or would that be a switch-a-who? (is it just me, or is this starting to sound like Dr. Suess?)

'No worries, O. This is so exciting! You get to use Jeremiah's teammate Ben's glove for your first game ever! Isn't that special?'

High maintenance youngest sibling of five isn't buying it.

Recovery is looking unlikely, but then Miss Shell shows up with a special something something to commemorate opening day:

And the face does a 360.

Cupcakes with plastic baseballs save the day...once more, all is right in the world.

Shortly after the sugar consumption, I announce the next surprise:

OPENING DAY HAIRCUTS!

At this point in the day, eldest son Joshua, whose concern for justice is of utmost importance, pulls me aside:

'Wow--pictures, cupcakes, haircuts, more pictures...you sure are making a big deal about this first game. Did you make this big of a deal about my first game?'

Buddy, go open the cabinet in the basement and pull out scrapbook, volume #7. On page 250, you'll find a ten page spread, I'm sure of it.

Phew. Glad those middle kids...what's their names...didn't pose that question.

So we mosey on down to the Sports Clips and this momma has a trump card in our back pocket...and she's so excited to pull it out, yes she is. The last of the pack needs some trumpet noise--some announcing--every now and then. A trump card of the Mr. T. variety:

One last look, Mimi:

And back to our red-neck roots we go:

The 'out-in-your-face-here-I-am' kind of do. A mohawk-sportin', red-neck stylin' grand-son. Mimi is so proud. I know she is.

So with the buzz of the clippers, the O's capacity for trouble just grew ten-fold. Or, more accurately, just exposed what was already there. (Who just knocked that kid down? It was the boy with the mohawk. Who is throwing a fit out there in the field? The boy with the mohawk. Who is stomping off from his parents again? Oh, just the boy with the mohawk.) Yep. No hiding now... No longer able to hide under the innocent locks of brown hair. No longer.

The O is in his element, his prime. It fits like a glove, and he can't lose this one I might add.

And finally, finally, it's 6:00 PM--the moment we've all been waiting for.

And a slew of 'firsts' for this four-year-old happens in a matter of minutes.

His first National Anthem:

His first team huddle:

His first time to field (sportin' Ben somebody-or-other's glove):

First up to bat (with dad's assistance):

First time to score:

And amidst all his 'firsts', his fan club cheers him on:

Of course, in O fashion, he pretends to ignore the signs. He pretends to ignore the friends, the Mimi, the aunt and cousin cheers. He tries to look all unaffected...but the smile seeping out of the corner of his pretend somberness gives him away. Later, when it's safe to care, he'll talk non-stop about all the people that came to share in his day of firsts.

O boy, you are one-of-a-kind. You might be number five, but you're the first to ever sport a mohawk in this family. And sport it well I might add. Crooked smilin' mohawkin stylin'. Yep. It suits you. It suits you just fine.

So thankful to share in this day of firsts with you...we love you O-ee-O.

Waiting

2011-05-24T07:39:00.000-04:00

Some glorious morn--but when? Ah, who will say?
The steepest mountain will become a plain,
And the parched land be satisfied with rain.
The gates of brass all broken; iron bars,
Transfigured, form a ladder to the stars.
Rough places plain, and crooked ways all straight,
For him with with a patient heart can wait.
These things will be on God's appointed day:
It may not be tomorrow--yet it may.
~Author unknown

Thoughtful Quotes to Get Me Through a Tired, Rainy, Monday Morning

2011-05-16T09:41:00.000-04:00

You did not do anything to achieve your salvation, but you must do something to exhibit it. You must "work out your own salvation" which God has worked in you already (Phil. 2:12). Are your speech, your thinking, and your emotions evidence that you are working it "out"? If you are still the same miserable, grouchy person, set on having your own way, then it is a lie to say that God has saved and sanctified you. ~Oswald Chambers

Many prayers of believers are hindered by Satan. Yet you do not need to fear when your unanswered prayers are piling up, for soon they will break through like a flood. When that happens, not only will your answers flow though but they will also be accompanied by new blessings. ~Streams in the Desert

Hell works the hardest on God's saints. The most worthy souls will be tested with the most pressure and the highest heat, but heaven will not desert them. ~William L. Watkinson

Obedience is the fruit of faith; patience is the early blossom on the tree of faith. ~Christina Rossetti

Happy are they who give themselves to God! They are delivered from their passions, from the judgments of others, from their malice, from the tyranny of their sayings, from their cold and wretched mocking, from the misfortunes which the world distributes to wealth, from the unfaithfulness and inconstancy of friends, from the wiles and snares of the enemy, from our own weakness, from the misery and brevity of life, from the horrors of a profane death, from the cruel remorse attached to wicked pleasures, and in the end from the eternal condemnation of God. We are delievered from this countless mass of evils, because placing our will entirely in the hands of God, we want only what God wants, and thus we find his consolation in faith, and consequently hope in the midst of all sufferings. What weakness it would be then to fear to give ourselves to God and to undertake too soon so desirable a state! ~Francois Fenelon

In Honor of My Mom...A Day Late and a Dollar Short

2011-05-09T08:08:00.000-04:00

Well, it's not surprising that this post is a day late. Because my mom was kind of characterized by being late :) . 'A day late and a dollar short.' -- I don't know if my mom ever said this, but she probably did. Because she was famous for busting out little quotes like this and then laughing herself silly at what she had just said. And that quote fits her nicely, actually. She didn't have a whole lot in the way of monetary things. But in the end, none of that really matters, does it.

It's who you lived it for that matters.

My mother passed away on Feb. 17, 2007. She was the picture of sacrifice. She never, ever did anything for herself. She sacrificed her personal time, her money, her whole life really, for us. She was one of the most giving persons I know. She raised five children all by herself and somehow kept her sanity--well, maybe partly kept her sanity :) . She always had time to talk on the phone, watch her grandkids, listen to our 'funny' stories. She had an off-the-wall sense of humor. She had a beautiful smile and fun laugh. She didn't have a materialistic bone in her body. Now, don't get me wrong. She wasn't perfect. There were times she made me mad (really mad, if I'm going to be honest! :) ) But one thing is for sure, she was ALWAYS there for us. And she loved us more than her own life. Since her death, I have learned so much from thinking back over her life. I have gotten a small human 'glimpse' of Jesus and his sacrifice for me in the sacrificial life my mom lived for my siblings and me. Jesus died for me so that I could live; my mom died to her own 'life' so that I could have the life I now have.

This year was the first year that I can really say that I enjoyed Mother's Day--that it was more joyful for me than it was sad. One of time's healing aspects, I suppose. Before this year, the void was just too big. It brought with it a stream of raw emotions. The void is definitely still there, but it is not as painful. I can look back on those memories now and--just enjoy. And look around me at my five dear children and--just enjoy. Exactly what my mom would want me to do on a day designed to celebrate motherhood.

The Destructible Sin of Pride

2011-05-04T07:49:00.003-04:00

Pride--the sin that got Satan himself thrown out of heaven. The sin that I would daresay is the most dangerous and blinding. The one we often have a hard time seeing in ourselves. The sin that has self at the core like no other.

Lately, one of our children has been struggling with this sin. Now I know we are all going to struggle with pride to some degree because we are human. Since the fall of man, it has been etched into our sinful nature. However my concern for this particular child is that he has become dominated by a prideful spirit. I've realized that the danger of pride running amok in one's life is that it results in blindness. He ends up no longer being able to see it. He has justified, excused or accused for so long, that he no longer takes ownership in any conflict.  He cannot see his sin. Oh, that is such a bad place to be.

The 1828 Webster Dictionary has quite the defining list for pride:

1. Inordinate self-esteem; an unreasonable conceit of one's own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others.

All pride is abject and mean.

Those that walk in pride he is able to abase. Dan.4.

2. Insolence; rude treatment of others; insolent exultation.

3. Generous elation of heart; a noble self-esteem springing from a consciousness of worth.

4. Elevation; loftiness.

5. Decoration; ornament; beauty displayed.

6. Splendid show; ostentation.

7. That of which men are proud; that which excites boasting.

I will cut off the pride of the Philistines. Zech.9. Zeph.3.

Pride, v.t. With the reciprocal pronoun, to pride one's self, to indulge pride; to take pride; to value one's self; to gratify self-esteem. They pride themselves in their wealth, dress or equipage. He prides himself in his achievements.

As we have been praying for this child, we have been examining our own hearts in this area, too. We have been asking the Lord to 'search our hearts and know our thoughts and see if there be any grievous way in us (Psalm 139:23-24).'  God has opened my eyes to blind places in my own heart and has helped me to further understand this grievous sin of pride.

In the Bible, pride is associated with people who were ruthless, hateful and downright evil. It is associated with actions that are in opposition to the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control).  James 4:6 tells us that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. On one hand, this verse is chilling: when I am prideful, God opposes me. Standing in direct opposition of God is a scary place to be. On the other hand, this verse is full of hope: when I humble myself, I receive an extra portion of His grace. Grace is poured into me--His free, unmerited love. Grace is poured into me--His favorable influence of the Spirit, enabling me to respond and live in His power. I guess it comes down to one question, really--Am I going to choose to stand against God with Him opposing me, or to stand with God, receiving His blessing?

Proverbs 16:18 tells us that pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. Another chilling verse. Of course, we are all going to mess up, make mistakes and fall. Sometimes God uses a fall of some sort to teach us humility that we otherwise wouldn't have learned.  That is, if we are willing to learn. Ultimately, therein lies the question:  Are you teachable?

Being unteachable is really at the root of this heart-issue of pride. Choosing to not come up under authority = Unteachable. A 'know it all' mentality = Unteachable. Not allowing a voice into your life because you feel they are beneath you in age, experience, etc. = Unteachable.

Lastly, I have come to another conclusion lately in regard to the sin of pride:  A heart that is full of pride has a leaky mouth.  Yes, the poisonous venom of pride in one's life has a tendency to escape through the mouth. This should not surprise us because Luke 6:45 says that 'out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks.'  'Leaky mouth syndrome' comes out in a variety of ways. Sometimes it's in the form of arrogance. Sometimes it's mean-spirited gossip. Sometimes it's in the form of blame-shifting, justifying or excusing. Sometimes it's in the form of 'victim mentality', the 'woe is me' syndrome. Whatever the form, it's primary goal is to exalt self, rather than exalt God and others. As believers, the New Testament commands us to 'love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength' and 'love others as ourselves'.   Thus, I think we have come full circle once again:  Exalting self opposes God and 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble'.

Really, it comes down to one thing: Jesus. Jesus died for every one of our sins, including this one. My child, myself and everyone of us must humble ourselves and repent of this sin if we want to walk in freedom of it. It's a daily walk of examining ourselves, coming to the foot of the cross in humility and recieving grace.

Dear Lord,

I need a healthy heart check this morning. Open my eyes in regard to the poisonous sin of pride.  I come before your throne of grace, asking for help in time of need. I want to experience freedom in all areas of my life, especially in my 'blind spots'. Open up my eyes!  Give me your eyes to see!

Help my children not fall prey to the life-taking sin of pride. For that child in which I see pride dominating, I ask that you would open up his eyes to it. Replace pride with 'life-giving' humility.  I know You are able to do this because You are in the business of trading death for life. I ask for a transaction to occur on this day--I ask that Jesus' blood pump life into my child's heart and also into my own heart. May it pump through and through so that all that we say and do will bring life and not death.

Jesus, be my All in All today--give me Your ability, Your strength and Your power to walk in humility. Only You can do this in me.

In Your precious name I pray,
Amen.

Raining down tears

2011-05-02T17:43:00.001-04:00

When I was in college I spent a summer in Europe. The day that I left to come back to the states, it was pouring down rain. My host family said, 'it is so sad you are leaving; the sky is even sad--it is pouring down tears.' Well, I thought of that very statement this morning as I awoke to rain and as it has continued to rain all the day long. Because today we had to say good-bye. Today it felt like the sky was sad and raining down its tears.

Dear friends, Tom and Ross--close to our heart friends--left Louisville today to move to Cleveland, Ohio. They are planting a church off of our church. We are going to miss them so much. He was our pastor; but more than that, he was a friend. She was our pastor's wife, but more than that, she was a friend. Watched my four boys wrestle Tom to the ground over and over and over last night. Watched him teach my oldest how to throw a knuckle curve ball. Watched him play football with them...oh, bittersweet, it was.

Special, special people, those two. We might be losing two incredibly gifted people, but today Cleveland is gaining. I am happy for the people of Cleveland today. Just still grieving the loss here. :(

Looking forward to the months and years ahead to see how God moves in the city of Cleveland. There are a multitude of people here in the 'Ville praying and cheering this kingdom work on! Who knew a year ago so many in Louisville would have such a vested prayerful interest in a city on the border of Northern Ohio? Who knew? I guess God did. I guess that's how He works best--always moving, dividing and shaking things up in the beloved interest of His people.

Anywho, Anyhow, Anyway--through all the moving and changing--one thing will always remain the same:

WE LOVE YOU, TOM AND ROSS!

P.S. Get that guest bedroom ready! And, for crying outloud, START TEXTING!

Manna providing Manna

2011-04-28T08:42:00.001-04:00

About three years ago, we invested in some fairly expensive bread making equipment. We bought a mill to grind our own wheat and a very high-powered mixer that can mix and knead up to five loaves of bread at a time. We wanted to eat healthier and it seemed this was an easy way to make a change. When I say easy, I am not kidding--making bread with this equipment is a complete cinch. It takes every bit of the hard labor out of the equation. Of course, this is why the equipment is not cheap. It was quite an investment. But it has been worth every penny. There is nothing that compares to a loaf of fresh, homemade bread. Nothing.  Our family has enjoyed every last morsel of this expenditure.

At the end of November, Eric lost his job.  It has been amazing to see God provide what we need, when we need it--never a moment too late or too soon. He is the God of perfect timing! Our faith has grown immensely during this season, to say the least.

A little over a month ago, we were brainstorming some ways we could earn extra money with the assets we currently have on hand. We decided making and selling homemade bread was the most logical choice since it is something we currently already do. We would just do it more.

I was really excited.  I pictured our whole familiy working together. A partnership between God, Eric and I, selling our daily manna to provide His daily manna. It was going to be a match made in heaven :) .

Oh, I dreamed big. I pictured going nationwide, touring about and telling our story of God's provision...

So, we begin. And our partnership--well, it quickly feels like a sole propriety. Soon I am up to my eyeballs in breadmaking. Day in, day out. I bake bread. It seems it is the sole reason for my vain existence. My partner, my silent, absent partner--WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM???

Oh, yeah. Life.  That's what's happened. The moment we started our partnership, my partner also picked up a side job, detailing cars. Oh, and baseball season started. Helping coach three different baseball teams is no small task.

Even so, my partner was starting to feel sorry for me. Either that, or he got tired of hearing all the rhetoric. This past weekend, he showed up to offer a little relief to my vain existence. Emphatically, I taught him the tricks of the trade.  My partner became a breadmaker and I experienced freedom from the confines of my kitchen.

Woo hoo! I left to go party on the town (well, really I just left to run my nephew home, but dramatization tells a good story).

...My party didn't last long...

When I walked in a wee bit later, my partner informed me that we had a slight problem. He turned the mixer on and then walked out of the house to attend to other things (okay, that is problem number one. Only pros such as myself leave the mixer unattended, not amateurs on their second batch of baking--what in the world was he thinking?!!). Suddenly, he heard a ginormous crash. He ran in to find our $450 mixer had vibrated forward during its knead cycle and spun off the counter, crashing onto the floor.  Our perfectly round stainless steel bowl was now an oval. I'm quite surprised it didn't put a dent in our floor.

Amazingly, I kept my couth. I washed it and placed our oval stainless in the pantry and put it out of my mind. I think this present stage of our life is teaching me to not get too bent out of shape over such mishaps--that God will provide what we need and if he doesn't provide, then we probably didn't need it. I wondered if God was telling us to stop baking manna to provide our manna? Was this His message? Whatever the reason, I kind of forgot about it and moved on to the next crisis, deciding it was a worry for another day. Thankfully, my next bread order wasn't until later in the week.

A few days later, my neighbor dropped by to bring us our egg order.  She was on her way to pick up her kids and only had a minute. Why I told her about our mixer mishap, I'll never know. There are a thousand different things we could have talked about. I guess God brought it up.

As I finished my story, she had one question: 'Is your mixer the electrolux?'

'Why yes, yes it is.' (I didn't really say it like this, but I like how it sounds)

'I just happen to have an extra electolux stainless steel bowl at my house.'

Okay, all you bread people out there. You know the odds of someone having one of these bowls laying around their house is about one in a million. The odds of your neighbor having one is probably twice that. Long story short, the company sent her an extra one years ago when she thought there was a problem with hers. She ended up never needing it. And it has sat in her attic ever since for such a time as this! What are the odds? I'll tell you--God's odds.  Jehovah Jireh doing His finest!

So now I have a brand new stainless steel electrolux bowl. Open for business once again. Manna providing manna until the Bread of Life shows us a different provision.

Until then, my partner has been demoted to janatorial duties.

The Schools of Soph

2011-04-27T17:15:00.003-04:00

Last Thursday was one of those vicariously fun days of entering into and enjoying the goofiness and creativity of kid world. My niece Polly--who is four--came over to play with Jeremiah and O. Whenever Polly comes over, Soph--my eleven y.o.--has to get in on the action. Better put, she has to run the action. So, Speedy Gonzalez whipped through her school work so she could get on to the important stuff--playing.

First off, she dressed them up. Here is what they came down in first:

Of course, she dressed O up as a girl. I am not sure how she got him to agree to it. Two seconds after I took this pic, he began throwing a fit to take it all off.

Next, O insisted I go upstairs and help him change into 'secret agent' clothes. I am not sure why he thought he was going to be a secret agent, as no one else was dressed as a secret agent, but ok. He did the 'fetal position drop' three separate times (a.k.a. fit) before I finally got his costume 'right'. Here is what we ended up with:

Is that ridiculously boring or what? Jeans, navy polo, hat on backwards, and nerf glasses. But he is feeling mighty cool, can't you tell?

Daily, Sophie runs a 'school' of some sort. Jeremiah and O are always the students. Anytime Polly is over, she gets in on the action too. Sophie's Art School is nearly a daily event. She tried Sophie's Ballet School for a time, but her boy students were stomping around being noncooperative. Yesterday, she had Sophie's Volleyball School. One day she tried to get away with 'Sophie's Video Game Class' (I didn't fall for that one).

On this particular day, she was doing 'Sophie's Performance Troupe'. The dance troupe, starring Jeremiah, Polly, and O, performed to 'I'm Alive'. Joshua, Wes and myself were the audience. They sang and did motions to the song--well, that is everyone except O. He stood very still and just barely moved his mouth as he sang. Actually, he seemed to be concentrating so hard on singing the words, i don't thank he could get the motions in, too. He was so serious. He was so funny.

But here is the funnier part. Ms. Choreographer, highly frustrated with his performance, gave out awards afterwards:

Polly and Jeremiah got medals.

'Soph, what is that around O's neck?'

'He got the Cone of Shame, for not doing the motions right.'

Maybe I should rename her the Performance Nazi?

Obviously, O didn't seem to mind--he was perfectly fine with his Cone of Shame. Here he is showing it off:

He wore it for thirty minutes afterwards, he was so proud.

I love, love, love when they play like this. I know one day I am going to be so sad when they are too old to imagine and play creatively. One day I will be sad when Soph trades in her 'schools' for make-up, hairstyles and such. One day I will be sad when O can't drop down to a fit position in a second flat.

This day reminded me to live each day fully in the moment...it's gone in an instant.

Highs and Lows

2011-04-19T07:58:00.001-04:00

I have been on a journey of highs and lows over the past five days.

On Friday, I was completely caught off guard, as a 'dear and near' friend swept me away to a Living Proof Life conferencein Little Rock, Arkansas--all expenses paid. She and Eric had been scheming for quite awhile to make this happen. It was a treat in a thousand different ways. Mostly because I would have never agreed to go if she had asked me to. My practical side of my mind would have not even entertained the notion because who spends fifteen hours in a car for a five hour conference? Thankfully, I wasn't in charge of this and I was taken against my will, to expereince God's will. Wow. What a God appointment it was. He spoke into my life so powerfully that it was almost audible. As Beth Moore is known for saying: 'there's no high like the Most High!' Yes--I experienced a high of the highest sort.

We raced back to Louisville, getting back on Saturday, midnight. The next morning, my emotions did a 180, as we listened to one of our beloved pastors preach his last sermon at our church. He and his family are leaving to start a church in Cleveland, Ohio. So excited for what Cleveland is gaining, so sad for what we are losing. Their friendship, their teaching...oh, they will be missed. While our church is thriving and it will continue to do so under sound leadership, we can't help to feel overwhelmed with sadness. They will be painfully missed. It was a low, but not a complete low--because there is also great excitement in seeing what God is going to do through them in a city in desperate need for Him. It is exciting to be sending them off. It is sad to be sending them off...oh, such an influx of contrasting emotions happening all at once...it's just too much--too much to process.

Then yesterday, we drove to Benton, Kentucky to be with our 'dear and far' friends, to grieve with them over the death of their beloved father. Again, it was a day of crying and mourning, yet a day of comfort and celebration. Sad, because of the end of a life here on this earth; yet joyful over where he is right this very moment, free of suffering and pain. Again, the contrast of emotions...oh, me...oh, my.

The highs and the lows--we've journeyed the hills of extremes going from 'strength to strength' (Ps. 84:7) in His strength--So Sturdy, so Strong, so Secure.

So thankful for His presence in the journey, so thankful.

Each high and each low is a blog post in itself...hoping to share more over the next few days.

we'll see.

Some really great quotes...

2011-04-12T07:12:00.000-04:00

Extraordinary afflictions are not always the punishment of extraordinary sins but are sometimes the trials resulting from God's extraordinary gifts. God uses many sharp-cutting instruments, and polishes His jewels with files that are rough. And those saints He especially loves, and desires to make shine the most brilliantly, will often feel His tools upon them. ~R. Leighton

I willingly bear witness to the fact that I owe more to my Lord's fire, hammer, and file than to anything else in His workshop. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever learned anything except at the end of God's rod. When my classroom is darkest, I see best. ~Charles H. Spurgeon

Real Strength

2011-04-08T06:44:00.001-04:00

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12:10)

The literal translation of this verse adds a startling emphasis to it, allowing it to speak for itself with power we have probably never realized. It is as follows:

"Therefore I take pleasure in being without strength, being insulted, experiencing emergencies, and being chased and forced into a corner for Christ's sake; for when I am without strength, I am dynamite."

The secret of knowing God's complete sufficiency is in coming to the end of everything in ourselves and our circumstances. Once we reach this point, we will stop seeking sympathy for our difficult situation or ill treatment, because we will recognize these things as the necessary conditions for blessings. We will then turn from our circumstances to God, realizing they are the evidence of Him working in our lives. ~A.B. Simpson

The O Factor's Debut

2011-04-04T08:06:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was our youngest boy's first official t-ball practice. Owen (whom we like to lovingly refer to as the 'O Factor') has been waiting all of his life to get some action out on the field. Since he was one month old, he has been sitting in the stands as a spectator. So yesterday marked a big milestone in the life of our four-year-old. Here he is right before we left for his practice:

And here he is with his sidekick, Jeremiah. They are 'baseball ready!'

For the last two years, older brother Jeremiah played on the 'Twins' at Lyndon Recreation. It has been the best t-ball team we ever played on because of the coaches (you can read about them here). In fact, word must have gotten out about the coaching, because there were sixteen parent requests to play on the Twins! Sixteen! Wow. We are so glad that Owen made the cut. And so is he. He would have been devastated if he couldn't have followed in his big brother's footsteps and be a 'Twin'. And since he and Jeremiah are like twins (not only do they look alike, they spend every waking moment together), it fits that he would be on a team named such.

While they may look alike and enjoy the same activities, Jeremiah and Owen's personalities are night and day different. Jeremiah is laid-back, soft-spoken and compliant. Owen is intense, loud and well--a rule breaker. In fact, his personality is what led to us calling him 'the O Factor'. I have already warned the coach that Owen is a completely different animal--I mean boy--than Jeremiah.

So off to practice they went, the daddy and son. What Owen didn't know was that Sophie and I were going to come by shortly after they started. There were two reasons we couldn't resist seeing the O Factor's debut: 1) because watching a four year old on the field is just hard to resist 2) whereever the O Factor is, there is usually a 'story'...

When Sophie and I arrived, the coach had divided the team into groups to practice their fielding. We set on the stands with about thirty other people (no--I am not kidding. You would have thought it was a game with all the spectators at this practice! See? These parents can't resist either!). Anyway, suddenly Owen told his coach he needed to go potty. Eric, who was helping another group of youngsters, began walking off the field to accompany our O to the bathroom--or so he thought.

Our O Factor ran off the field and dropped those pants right outside the backstop. Yep. There he was--drawers pulled down, baring all...trying to do his business.

Everyone's attention turned from the field to this bare bottom...of course it did. This is usually the case with the O Factor.

Soph and I about fell off the bleachers and busted a gut.

And then I remembered that I was the mom. And a responsible mom would offer to take their child to the bathroom. That a responsible mom wouldn't just lay there laughing while the responsible dad left his coaching post and took the O to the bathroom...

So as responsible Dad pulled up the drawers, I gained my composure, snorted one more time, and fessed up as the mom of deliquent boy.

Well, that was a bad decision.

O Factor hadn't realized that dear Mom was in the stands. And dear Mom has a way of bringing out the best in him. The O immediately ran towards the bathrooms, his defiant arms in the air, yelling, 'I going by myself, Otay?!? I can do this myself!'

As I chased after him, I guess the Factor got it in his head once again that he didn't really want to bother with the bathroom. After all, he was in the middle of his t-ball practice and time was of the essence. So he stopped and dropped those drawers again, intending to get his business DONE.

'Owen, you can't do that...pull up your pants!'

I don't know if it was me yelling or the fact that he did not want his mom to help him, but O pulled up his pants and began running towards the bathroom again, yelling, 'I don't need help, otay??!'

I finally caught up with him. That just made him all the madder. So he decided to do a front noseplant into the ground. He laid there stiff on the ground. Yes! A fit of the finest sorts.

'I don't need help, otay???'

Getting him to wash his hands was another whole battle.

'I don't have time, otay???!'

After practice, Owen wanted to stay and run the bases a few minutes. And here is fit two, three and four:

Oh me. Oh my. I think our parenting abilities are going to dissolve into the dust of the t-ball field this season.

'Tis the Season

2011-03-29T06:54:00.000-04:00

With the start of spring, many minds instantly picture flowers blooming, warmer weather,and the beginning of longer days. For our family, the mental picture that comes to our minds is baseball. It's the season that means treking to the ball field on an almost nightly basis. It means our four-year-old has 'red clay' from Lyndon ball field in his hair for two months straight. It means that we will be eating a lot of PB&J picnic dinners on the bleachers. It means we will go to McCalister's Deli on a regular basis because all five of our kids can eat FREE (it also means that they'll know our family and our order by name by the end of the season!). It means I will be spending a lot of money on ring pops to keep the 'O Factor' happy. It means getting home past nine most nights, covered in dirt and sweat. It means washing and scrubbing baseball pants daily. It means my seven-year-old, nine-year-old and thirteen-year-old will play pitch and catch non-stop out in the yard. It means that we will talk over and re-hash every game, play-by-play. We won't talk about anything else. We have a one track mind because it's baseball season.

...Listen closely--I can almost hear it, can't you? It's the music from 'The Rookie' playing in the background...

It’s opening day. Fresh, cut grass feels the air. Boys, young and old, dream about a winning season as they walk from the parking lots with their dads to their first game. With their baseball bags slung over their shoulders and sporting new uniforms, they can't help feeling proud. In fact, it's hard to suppress the grin welling up inside because of the sheer delight over the love they have for the sport. Suppress it, they do, however, because they envision their favorite major league player walking onto the field in all seriousness. Thus, they must compose themselves tall and soberly. After all, one day, they too will be playing for the majors.

Everyone rises for the National Anthem. Baseball players are scattered throughout the many fields, saluting the flag respectively, with hats off. A tear or too trickles down the cheek of more than one parent as they take in the scene before them. Something about the National Anthem and the 'All-American' sport of baseball, coupled with a boy in a uniform, makes one's emotions aroused.

The games begin. Dirt and dust from the in-field encompasses everything and everyone as boys hit the ball and round the bases. Shouts of 'hey, batter, batter!...' and 'Strike!' fill the air, along with some whoops and hollers from the spectators.

Hope is in the air because a new day has dawned. It's baseball season.

Taking Flight (A re-post)

2011-03-15T09:50:00.002-04:00

I was going back reading some of my old posts and wanted to repost this one--enjoy, but don't let it make you cry like it did me, because this boy is isn't ten anymore :( !

About three weeks ago, our oldest son, Joshua, had a monumental experience. I have been wanting to write about it for awhile and just haven't had the time...so here it goes.

Back in May, our friends in St. Louis called and invited Joshua to go to Florida with them for a week. To give you some background: our friends moved from Louisville about four years ago. We were in a small group with them and their son, Andy, and our son Joshua were big buddies. We see them about once or twice a year and Joshua and Andy always look forward to reconnecting. Andy is an only child and they thought that it would be fun for him to have a buddy on their vacation this year. But there was a BIG catch: Joshua would have to fly by himself to get there. My first thought was, well that is way too expensive. Even if we were willing to let him go, we really don't have money set aside for him to fly somewhere. But that thought was soon squashed. Our friends' happened to have frequent flyer miles that they insisted that he use. OK. So cost is no longer an issue...

Joshua is our cautious firstborn who likes to be in control. He has struggled with fears on so many different levels since he was itty bitty. He is not a risk taker. He had expressed to us before that he was scared to fly. I honestly doubted that he would want to go, even with the enticement of spending a week with his buddy, Andy.

So we began with asking Joshua if he would even be willing to fly by himself. His initial response was, 'no way.' However, after he'd had a few hours to mull it over, he began to warm up to the idea. By the end of the day, he was actually getting excited about the prospect of it and began hoping that we would decide that he could go. OK. So cost is no longer an issue. And fear is no longer an issue....

I was stunned that we had gotten this far. Now the ball was in our court. So, I began thinking upon this. It sounded something like this in my head: "Joshua is ten years old. TEN. Fly???!!! By himself??? WHAT IN THE WORLD??? ARE WE CRAZY TO EVEN CONSIDER THIS???"

Strangely enough, from the intial conversations Eric and I had about him going, our gut instinct was saying, 'yes, let him go.' We spent a week praying about it; we wanted to know if those 'gut instinct' feelings were from the Lord. After that week of praying, we still had an absolute peace about sending him and felt the Lord was saying 'yes'. So, we finally concurred.

Over the next couple of months, there were times when I talked to others about this decision that I could sense them thinking: "You are crazy, you are so crazy...over my dead body would I let my child do that..." There were times I would begin waffling and catch myself wondering "Are you crazy??? What are you thinking??!!! Are you sure the Lord said to do this?" I had to keep reminding myself that Eric and I had prayed about this and had both felt clearly that the Lord had said yes. I had to remind myself over and over and over and over.

The Thursday morning before Joshua was supposed to leave, we sat down as a family while Eric read the first chapter of Joshua outloud. While up to this point we had had a peace about Joshua going, at this moment I began to tangibly feel the Lord in this decision. For many reasons, it was very fitting to be reading the first chapter of Joshua outloud to prepare Joshua for this departure. For one, Joshua was named after this Joshua in the Bible. The verse Joshua 1:9 hangs on a canvas in his bedroom and he considers it his 'life verse'. This verse says: 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' Secondly, the Lord repeats over and over again to Joshua in this chapter: 'Be strong and courageous!' What better words could our Joshua hear right before this trip?

As the Lord often does, He had even more to teach us that morning. Verses 7-9 specifically say: 'Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' As we read these verses we were able to talk to Joshua about the importance of the following:

reading his devotional and Bible even when his mom and dad are not there to tell him to.
obeying the commandments in scripture even when we are not there to direct him, such as shielding his eyes from things that might come on tv, talking respectful in our absence, etc.
that he need not be nervous about flying because God is always with him wherever he is.

Verse 11 says 'Go through the camp and tell the people, 'get your supplies ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession o f the land the Lord your God is giving you for your own.' I do not believe it was a coincidence that we were reading this three days prior to Joshua's flight! Eric, Sophie and myself had each written down bible verses on index cards for him to pull out while he was taking off and anytime he became nervous or scared during the flight. We talked to him about the importance of getting your 'spiritual' supplies ready before you venture out on your own. We each gave him the bible verses we had for him, explaining that these were his supplies. He could read these outloud and internalize God's truths as he was flying.

So, Sunday arrived. We were at Kentucky Lake for the weekend with our extended family. The plan was that I would take him to the Nashville airport and then stay all night with some friends that night and head back to Louisville the following day. So it was just me and Joshua. A mother sending off his son. Joshua was visibly nervous the whole morning. I kept reminding him of God's truths. Once we began the process of checking bags, going through security, etc, all of Joshua's fears seemed to vanish and it was replaced by anticipation and excitement. Everything went without a hitch. Everyone was so friendly and overly helpful (gotta love those Nashvillians!).

Finally, it was time to board the plane. We hugged and said our goodbyes. As he walked away I felt a tug on my heart. As I watched the plane back up and begin taxiing away, I felt a bigger tug. Amazingly, I was able to watch the plane taxi to the runway, takeoff, and ascend into the sky until it was just a tiny speck. As the plane got smaller and smaller, the void in my heart got larger and larger. Questions bombarded my mind: 'what if he is scared? what if someone who doesn't like kids is sitting next to him? what if they crash? what if...what if...what if....???' Joshua 1:9 came back to me as clearly as if the Lord was speaking it aloud: 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged. For I am with your Joshua--my Joshua--wherever he goes.' He also reminded me that He loved Joshua much more than I could ever love him.

As I walked out of the airport, I could see in the distance the Nashville skyline. The sun was setting behind it and it was illuminated by the clouds that surrounded it. It was absolutely beautiful. It reminded me of the love I have for this city. The city that I came to know God as my Savior. And now the city where I was sending my son off for the very first time, with the promise that His Savior was protectinwith Him. I was trusting the Lord with Joshua, even though it felt as if my heart had been ripped out. I thought about all of the mother's of missionaries...all of the mother's of soldiers sent out to war...I realized I had just had a small taste of their experience. I thought about how this was just the beginning of many times that I would be sending my children off. With every year that passes they are getting older and 'taking flight'. Somehow, I knew that it was going to be hard to send them out but that the Lord would give me the strength to do it, just as He had tonight.

Well, the week sped by, Joshua had a blast and flew home without a hitch. I thought about all of the lessons Joshua and our family had learned through this adventure. Lessons about faith and facing our fears through leaning on our Lord. I thought about how this was a definite spiritual marker in all of our lives, specifically in Joshua's. I thought about all of the lessons we would have missed if we had said 'no'. I am thankful that we listened to the Lord and said 'yes'.

His Kingdom...

2011-03-15T07:40:00.002-04:00

Christ is building His kingdom with the broken things of earth. People desire only the strong, successful, victorious, and unbroken things in life to build their kingdoms, but God is the God of the unsuccessful--the God of those who have failed. Heaven is being filled with earths broken lives, and there is no "bruised reed" (Isa. 42:3) that Christ cannot take and restore to a glorious place of blessing and beauty. He can take a life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it a harp whose music will be total praise. He can lift earth's saddest failure up to heaven's glory. ~J.R. Miller

"Follow Me, and I will make you..."
Make you speak My words with power,
Make you vessels of My mercy,
Make you helpful every hour.

"Follow Me, and I will make you..."
Make you what you cannot be--
Make you loving, trustful, Godly,
Make you even just like Me.
~L.S.P.

2011-02-21T15:19:00.005-05:00

For My Son, Joshua, on his 13th birthday

On February 12, 1998, at 8:56 in the morn,
Joshua Eric Grogan came into the world, our family of three was born.

Bright eyed and full lipped, you worked that room, it was definitely love at first sight,
We marveled at those little hands and feet, and thanked God for such beauty and light.

Your orderly personality burst forth, as you were born on your exact due date,
And you screamed and screamed at the top of your lungs, if your milk was a tad bit late.

The obsession with order carried on as you grew, you lined up every toy that you had,
And if anyone messed with that line, oooh, swift justice was served—it was bad.

In God’s ultimate wisdom, He brought you a sister, as opposite from you as could be,
You—serious, she—silly, You—orderly, she—not so much, if you were Bert, she’d definitely be Ernie.

Those early years of clashing between you and your sister, I felt like a referee,
But over the years you’ve grown close with she and her brothers, I think that you’d agree.

The years have gone by in a blink of an eye, it pains me to say ‘your thirteen’,
Yet I am so proud of the man you’re becoming and the good qualities you have gleaned.

I want to point out three men in the Bible whose character I see in you,
First would be Paul, and then Daniel and of course, Joshua—for whom we named you.

Paul was known for standing strong for what’s ‘right’, something that you’re known for,
He never backed down or feared what would happen because Christ was at his core.

He penned the words ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’,
When running, you’ve penned those words on your shorts to give God all the glory,

Perseverance was Paul’s strength, a mental toughness resulting from God alone,
You, too, exhibit this God-given trait; cultivate this seed that’s been sown.

One last thing on Paul—God changed him from rule-follower to ‘always err on the side of grace’,
He went from rigid to flexible, from judgmental to loving, remember this as you run your race.

Daniel, he’s next, he prayed three times a day, his consistency was like no other,
I am proud of the prayer warrior you, too, are becoming, remember that it always covers,

Daniel was also a man of resolve, never once trading truth to be cool,
Stand firm on truth—don’t ever give in—may you dare to be a Daniel.

Lastly, the man for whom you were named, Joshua, he was the guy,
Prayerful, humble and fearless he was, he followed hard after Christ,

Now know these qualities you too can possess in ever increasing measure,
When you remember that ‘down is really up’ as you fall on your knees in prayer,

Joshua was the ultimate leader, directing his crew into the Promised Land,
As you lead in our home, on your teams, and in school, remember to always lend a helping hand.

In closing, I just want to say, I love you, I am so proud of who you are,
Continue to seek the LORD with ALL of your heart and I know that you will go far.

Joshua, YOU ARE A JOSHUA—and one last thing you must forever know:
“Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go!”

Real Love

2011-02-07T17:03:00.002-05:00

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
— C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)

This quote is convicting to me. I want to be vulnerable so that I am more loving. Too often, I am fearful of being vulnerable because I do not want to experience rejection. I am like this with people who have knowingly or unknowingly hurt me with their words or actions in the past. It is a defense mechanism that wells up immediately, unfortunately. I do not want this to happen. It is just a habit that is now hard to break.

Sometimes I am not vulnerable because I am too prideful. I do not want to appear needy. Pride and fear--the two emotions that usually go hand in hand and keep us from experiencing Jesus and others fully. I pray daily that these two emotions would lessen in me and be replaced by a spirit of humility and faith.

Real love is messy. Real love experiences conflicts but does not sweep the conflict under the rug and ignore it. Real love talks things through and doesn't punish you if you don't see eye to eye. Real love is not surfacy--it is willing to go deep and discuss real issues of the heart. Real love chooses to love those that are different. Real love doesn't show favoritism. Real love pursues a relationship with you and makes you feel special. Real love encourages and spurs on. Real love shows up even when it is inconvenient. Real love chooses to forgive. Real love spends time with you just because. Real love doesn't hold grudges. Real love admits its weaknesses. Real love confronts but does so gently. Real love doesn't lie. If it sees sin, it calls it sin. Real love doesn't always feel good because there is pain in growth. If it 'feels happy and good' all the time, than it is not real love.

Real love always puts others before self. Real love doesn't boast in achievements or accomplishments. It is unconditional. Real love doesn't shrink back in fear. It is courageous. Real love is not stagnant or dull--it is changing, moving and growing--it is exciting.

Real love goes the distance. Real love transforms. Real love was experienced fully through the Cross. It was costly. It was painful. It was unselfish.

Real love is raw.
Real love is real.

Real love is vulnerable.

Real love is worth it.

2010 Christmas letter - 'The Year of the Ironman'

2010-12-17T17:16:00.047-05:00

I'll never forget when Eric announced to our kids around this time last year that he was going to do the Louisville Ironman in August, 2010. You would have thought he had just announced we were all leaving on the next plane out of town for Disney World. They were ecstatic. Their reaction, I'll have to say, was much more supportive than the reaction going on inside of myself. I had two very different trains of thought running through my head. On the one hand, I kept seeing it from 'my' point of view--'my' view couldn't get passed the fact that all of his training would impose on 'my' free time. I would have to pick up the slack at home so he could put in the hours of training. 'My' view believed that it was going to affect our time together in a negative way. How would we ever have time together as a family if he was always biking, running or swimming? 'My' point of view wondered how he could keep God and his relationship with Him #1 if he was doing all these extra hours of training. Thankfully, I didn't verbalize these reservations, but I definitely wasn't doing cartwheels over this decision like my kids were.

On the other hand, I had a completely different line of thought going on in my head and I believe this other view truly kept my mouth shut from voicing all the negativity warring inside of me. This other response had nothing to do with me and everything to do with God and His kindness. God knew I was going to need a little help in this area. He knew I needed to 'see' this working for someone else. Thus, He prepared my heart beforehand by bringing a friend into my life who's husband had done several Ironman races. She was very much a mentor (and still is) and I had been spending time with her on a regular basis. Her commitment to her husband and commitment to his leadership in their marriage prepared me to respond appropriately. Because her husband had done several Ironman races, I was able to see how it could actual be a positive thing and something that brings the family together. I am so thankful for such an example and thankful that God prepared my heart so that I could choose to be supportive of Eric and be on board with this goal.

I'll also never forget a few months later, sitting in the kitchen of these friends and learning for the first time the entry fee for the Ironman. Yep, Eric conveniently had kept this small piece of information to himself. My mouth fell open. I couldn't speak for several seconds. I was seriously in a state of shock. Are you kidding me? Let me get this straight...not only are you going to willingly subject your body to the worst pain and agony it will probably ever experience, but you are also going to pay someone a small fortune to do so? (I'm not going to divulge the amount; if you want to know the cost, go to the Ironman website!)

When Eric announced he was doing the Ironman to our kids, he explained he wouldn't be able to help coach their baseball teams because of the training commitment. I thought inside, 'whoa, they will not be okay with this--now it's getting personal.' Again, I was wrong. They were not sad in the least. It was like God had already given them the wisdom to know that this was a special thing that would take a little bit of sacrifice from each of us. As is so often the case, God was using our children's childlike, faithful responses to challenge and sanctify my own untrusting heart.

Thus, this is how 2010 began and why I call it 'The Year of the Ironman', because most of our year revolved around this central goal. Just as we are followers of Christ and we must run everything through the grid of keeping Him at the forefront of all we do, this goal required similar thinking. It was no small thing--it required a lot of intentional planning, hard work and discipline and everything we did had to be evaluated in light of keeping this goal out front.

An Ironman consists of swimming 2.4 miles, biking 112 miles and running 26.2 miles. It is the triathlon of triathlons. It is a serious commitment. Thus, the first half of our year involved training, training and more training. Training doesn't happen without a plan. You have to pick a plan and fit it into your routine and be intentional about it. I relate it often to parenting. We must put in the hard hours of work in order to train our children and bring them up in the way that God would have them to go. It takes much intentionality. So does training for a race. During this time, Joshua, Wes and Jeremiah were playing baseball. When Eric wasn't biking, swimming or running, we spent our nights at the baseball field. If you'd like to read about our adventuresome baseball seasons, you may click on the following links:

With Spring, Comes Baseball

Unwrapping God's Gifts

Joshua's Season

Wes' Season

Jeremiah's Season

Ephesians 2:10 says 'we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.' When we surrender our lives to live for Jesus, we each become a masterpiece in the making. Each moment, each day, God puts a new stroke of color or shading on our painting. His strokes are deliberate and precise. He knows exactly what He is creating and He knows exactly when He is finished. In June of this year, God put the finishing touches on two beautiful masterpieces and called them home in all His glorious splendor. My grandmother, Mabel Winkler and Eric's grandmother, Margaret Polly passed away from this earth and on into the heavenly realm on June16 and June 27, respectively. These womens' lives reflected a love for God and their family. Please click on their names to read a tribute about each of their beautiful lives.

With July, came another turn of unexpected events. Eric had a bike wreck. Thankfully, he didn't break anything, but he received a mean down-to-the-bone cut just to the right of his knee cap. He had to take two weeks off from his training to recover. Two weeks may not seem like a long time, but it is when you are full throttle into your training regimen with only eight weeks to go. It's like turning your car off while your driving down the interstate at 65 miles per hour. You lose all momentum. In every race, though, there are unforeseen obstacles to overcome. It comes with the territory. Nike is a greek word that--most appropriately--means 'overcome'. Overcome. Exactly what you have to learn to do when you come up against adversity. And that is exactly what Eric did. At the end of those two weeks, he put his head down, set his mind on the task before him, and got to work. He put one foot in front of the other, little by little, step by step. In this part of his training, Eric got to physically experience God's Words: 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.' 1 Cor. 12:9. It was at this point that Eric realized in a more tangible way that it was going to take more than just physical strength to get him through this. He was going to have to rely on God and His strength when he came to the end of his rope.

As the countdown to the race came in sight, um, so did my 40th birthday. With my 40th birthday looming in view (it was seven days before the Ironman), my sanity went out the window. Seriously. I was off my rocker for about two weeks. We can laugh about it now, but I need to call a spade a spade. I was knee-deep in the sin of 'me-ism'. I really was. You know that 'other' competing train of thought that I mentioned at the beginning of this post? The one that had taken a back seat all of these months? Well, it reared its ugly head. It was short-lived, but no matter. It was there. I was certain Eric was not going to do anything special for my birthday because of the Ironman being right around the corner. The fact is, I really didn't know if he had or hadn't anything planned for me, but just in case he didn't, I was going to be mad at him. Proverbs 21:9 says 'better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife' and Proverbs 27:15 says 'a quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.' Yes, I was leaky and annoying and Eric would have been better off living on the corner of our roof. Anyway, that it is the short version of it all. But I basically was a pain to live with for a couple of weeks! And guess what? Eric did some really, sweet things for my birthday and I allowed my ridiculous runaway emotions to spoil the time leading up to it. That is what happens when we allow our feelings to rule us rather than what we know is Truth or what we know is the right thing to do. Unfortunately, those memories will always be tainted with regret--regret that I chose my emotions to get the best of me. The bright side to this whole story is there is forgiveness and wide-open love on the other side of every sin. We can recognize our sin for what it is, turn from it and repent, thus restoring fellowship with our Creator and making our relationship with Him all that it is capable of. Whew. I am glad that part's over. And I am glad Eric didn't choose to shoot me during this time!

The morning of August 29. It finally came. We awoke at 4:30 am and I drove Eric down to the start line. Then I went home and got all my kids up and ready to go. Sporting our matching 'Team Groganator' shirts, we headed down to the start line at 6:30 am.

The day's forecast had an eerie ring to it. It was going to be in the upper 90's with high humidity. Brutally and stifling hot--the kind of day we in the Ohio Valley are used to in late August. The kind of day you want to spend lounging in a pool, not pounding the pavement. As we walked to the start line, in the distance we could see the Ohio River--an almost ominous steam settled lazily over its still, calm waters. Waters that would soon be torrent with activity.

The start of an Ironman is something to behold. For as far as we could see there were men and women lined up with their bathing caps and slicks on, their arms marked up with their racing number. There is music playing and an excitement in the air that is catching. As we watched the mass of people walk slowly forward waiting for their turn to jump in the water and start the 2.4 mile 'swim', I wondered what each of their stories were. In that crowd of people, there was one who had fought cancer and overcome and was now taking what he had learned through that physical trial and applying it to this monumental feat that stood before him. There was one who had suffered through a horrendous car crash, been told he would never walk again, yet--defying all odds--was standing in this line of people today. The oldest woman in the pack at the age of 62 was attempting her first Ironman. The oldest participant of all was a man of 79, who had twenty something Ironman's under his belt prior to this one. There was a woman who was here because she and her co-worker several months back had decided they were going to start doing triathlons to lose some much needed weight. Here she stood, 120 lbs lighter, doing her first Ironman. And among the participants there were many regular Joe's, such as Eric and two of his friends, Charlie and Scott. They were all three first-timers and had most everything in common except for the fact that (cough, cough) Eric is just a wee bit older than them.

After watching the start, we walked down to the transition area. The transition area is where the participants come up out of the water, change into their biking gear and retrieve their bikes. In the transition area there are rows and rows of bikes--2,600 to be exact. We stood on the side of the street, around the corner from where the bike course began, waiting to see Eric. We finally saw him. He stopped to talk to us. You could tell he was excited about his swim time. He looked strong and hyped up. He needed to be because 112 miles of rolling hills and lonely terrain loomed ahead of him; it would take him anywhere between 6 1/2 to 7 hours to complete the bike course. This is the part of the race that many of the participants' bodies would fall prey to the scorching heat.

The kids and I would now spend a large part of our day driving to different points along the bike course to cheer on Eric, Scott and Charlie. I now had my own Ironman challenge ahead of me: keep our five children in line (and off the streets!), make sure they had plenty of food and water, figure out where to stop and park along the race course, hopefully be able to find a place to park my ginormous big-rig, all the while sweating bullets in the thick of the heat.

We met a group of friends at a point about halfway along the bike course. We cheered on Scott--who seemed to pedal by effortlessly and then Charlie--whose smile seemed larger than his face--and then we waited. And waited. And waited. I began to worry. Was Eric, too, going to fall victim to this leg of the race? We finally saw him at the bottom of the hill. When I saw how white his face was I knew there was trouble. We learned his legs had been cramping basically since he had started biking. He was downing salt tablets, staying hydrated and eating. But nothing seemed to be working. His legs were just in one continual cramp. I began to wonder if he would be able to finish.

We continued to trek him along the bike course. As the day progressed, we saw the race bring more and more people down. Many were leaning against wooden fences or laid out in the shade of the trees, struggling through dehydration, heat exhaustion or severe leg cramps. Only mental toughness and sheer tenacity could get you through this part. Eric told us later that he started to wonder if he would be able to finish. He said his legs were cramping so badly he wonders how he got his pedals to turn and that he prayed and prayed and prayed over those long and lonely miles. Once again, he got to experience in a very tangible way the drawing upon the strength of the Lord when he had nothing left in himself. He drew on the bible verse 'that is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.' 2 Cor. 12:10, allowing the power of Christ to pedal him through.

It was long. It was brutal. It was tortuous. It was, for awhile, questionable--but he did it. Never was he happier to see that transition area as he finished mile 112, and never had he been more grateful to get off that bike! Now all he had to do was run a marathon. Yep. Just 26.2 miles. No big deal.

Of all the three components--swimming, running and biking--running is Eric's strength. The downfall, of course, is that you go into it with the brutality of the day weighing down on your body. Your muscles are sore and stretched beyond anything they have ever endured. You just have to resolve to keep going. You need a mind of steel that won't buckle under the physical strain of the pain. So many people came to cheer and root on Eric, Charlie and Scott that day. There were people along much of the running course that kept them going. Encouragement infuses courage and that is exactly what all of our friends and family did--they enfused those tired souls with courage.

As Eric approached the finish line, his excitement grew. His tired and sore muscles were forgotten as sheer exhiliration carried him. When he rounded the corner and saw the last one hundred yards in front of him, every grueling, painful inch of that race became worth it. As he ran those last steps, he thought to himself that what he was experiencing right at this moment must be a small glimpse--a snapshot--of what it will be like one day to step into eternity with our heavenly Father. At 9:26 pm, a mere 14 1/2 hours after he began, Eric came across the finish line. He got to hear those infamous words he had been waiting so long to hear: 'Eric Grogan--YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!' The words of 2 Tim. 4:7 had dual purpose for him that day: 'I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.'

August 29th--I have such a vivid recollection of snapshots in my mine from this day. I picture Joshua and Sophie setting their alarms for 4:30 am just so they could give their daddy a big hug and wish him luck, I picture all of us taking turns decorating our van, I picture my tenacious friend Amy Jo and her family riding along with us in the big rig, directing me down side streets and such, I picture another friend pulling us together to pray for Eric after seeing him looking white as a ghost, I picture others who got on each other's shoulders to cheer on Eric at one point, I picture Eric's good friend Jeff giving him a pep talk at the bottom of a hill, I picture my in-laws sitting in their lawn chairs waiting to watch Eric pass, I picture us in our Team Groganator shirts, I picture the zillion kids of all of our friends and family chasing Eric down the street like the Pied Piper. And my favorite snapshot is when he crossed the finish line and did that little victory thing with his arm you see great athletes do after a big win!

What a special day this was for our family! This day was a day of us coming together and seeing a dream fulfilled for the leader of our pack. From that moment on, there was a definitive change in all of us. It inspired our kids to give it their all in the midst of their cross country season. It inspired me to not give up in the midst of training for the Colombus marathon. It inspired each of us to persevere when the going gets tough--to draw on that resolve and steadfastness that we had seen in the face of each of those Ironman participants that hot, steamy morning of August 29th.

Yes, this was the year of the Ironman. I believe, in all of God's sovereignty, Eric completed and accomplished this feat in August, 2010, because the Lord God knew what was coming. He knew that in the latter part of 2010, Eric would need to be able to draw upon all that he had learned on that scorching, August 29th day. He knew that once again Eric would need to draw on the fact that 'His power is made perfect in weakness.' God knew that on November 19th, 2010, Eric would lose his job. He knew that Eric and our whole family would need to take what we had learned physically about persevering and apply it to a difficult, life circumstance.

My devotional today in 'Jesus Calling' said this:

'When you are plagued by a persistent problem--one that goes on and on--view it as a rich opportunity. An ongoing problem is like a tutor who is always by your side. The learning possibilities are limited only by your willingness to be teachable. In faith, thank Me for your problem. Ask Me to open your eyes and our heart to all that I am accomplishing through this difficulty. Once you have become grateful for a problem, it loses its power to drag you down. On the contrary, your thankful attitude will lift you up into heavenly places with Me. From this perspective, your difficulty can be seen as a slight, temporary distress that is producing for you a transcendent Glory never to cease!'

Oh, I can truly say to you that God has been and continues to be so faithful to our family amidst this trying time. We do see this as a rich opportunity for learning how to live more like Jesus. We are having to rely on our Father in a way that we have never had to before. It is increasing our faith and our children's faith. It is teaching us to hold loosely to that which has no eternal value. And, oh, how it has taught us to be thankful!

A wise friend told us not to miss the many gifts God has for us while we walk through this. I am thankful for that advice. He has given us many, many treasures to behold during this trial. We have been able to have a relaxed Christmas season with Eric home. It, honestly, is the first year things have not felt busy and rushed. I wouldn't trade the time we've had together as a family for anything. Now, I'm warning you, the things I am about to tell you will make you a tad bit jealous. Eric has labeled and organized everything in our pantry. Then, our laundry room, in the unfinished area of our basement, used to be hazardous to walk through. But not now. I can do cartwheels free and clear. It is neat, clean, labeled, and organized. Now, I actually look forward to doing laundry, but you know what? I rarely do it these days because my machine husband is all over it! And--get a load of this--currently, Eric is typing up and organizing all my recipes...I know! Now you are wishing your husband could be unemployed too! :)

Of course, I am not exactly thrilled with ALL that he has been doing around here. Recently, he enacted this policy:

Yes, these are circles for each of our children's cups. Each day they are to use only one cup and when they are not using it, they must put their cup in 'their circle'. Okay. I'm sorry. That is so ANAL.

WHO CARES HOW MANY CUPS THEY USE A DAY, FOR CRYING OUTLOUD???!!!

Yeah, I know. Some of you anal people out there think this is brilliant and you're going to institute the circle policy at your house too. You go right ahead. Knock yourselves out. But I'm not putting my cup in a circle when I come over, I'm not!

...All kidding aside, we are holding fast to God's promises as we seek Him and what He has in store in the coming months. We don't know how all of this will end up and shake out. But we do know that God is Jehovah Jireh--the Great Provider. He provides all that we need, when we need it. He will provide for our family in our current crisis. I am thankful he has prepared our hearts for such a time as this and has taught us about overcoming adversity. I am thankful for his Word in James 1:2-4 that tells us to 'consider it pure joy whenever we face trials of many kinds because we know that the testing of our faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.' I am thankful for this present testing of our faith, for what good is faith that has not been tested?

Overcome. It has been the year to overcome. The year of overcoming deaths of loved ones. The year of overcoming a bike wreck. The year of overcoming back issues and physical ailments. The year of overcoming a job loss. But, with Christ, we are more than conquerors.

'...In this world their will be trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.' John 16:33

God brought his precious Son, Jesus, into this world--a world laden with great sorrows and tribulation--to overcome that which is in the world. Only through Him and Him alone, can we experience eternal joy and unsurpassing peace.

'For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.' 1 John 5:4-5

All of us will undergo difficulties and trials. That's just life. Our hope is that no matter what your present circumstances, you will be overcome by the Overcomer--Jesus Christ. May you not look to the temporary things of this world to fill you, but may you find your fulfillment in that which is eternal! And may you be overcome with the everlasting love that God the Father wants to lavish upon you!

Merry Christmas!

With Love,
Eric, Maria, Joshua, Sophie, Wes, Jeremiah and Owen

'Be Still and Know That I am God'

2010-12-15T06:50:00.008-05:00

'Be still and know that I am God' Psalm 46:10.

The classic verse, right? Walk into any Christian bookstore and you are sure to find this verse throughout. It's that standard verse that is quoted over and over again, often off-handedly and flippantly, without much thought. We've heard it so many times that we've stopped really hearing it. Or maybe it's because our society has gotten so busy, so rushed and so hurried that we can't fathom, relate to or understand such a verse anymore?

Recently, a friend gave me this verse as a piece of vinyl wall art to hang on my wall. We put it up in our kitchen above the desk where I sit and spend time with the Lord each morning. I love having these words right over the spot where I meet with Him. What a beautiful picture--to literally sit under His Word as I study His Word. It helps me to envision that His Word is all around me--above me and yet also right below my finger as I read. So comforting. So soothing.

Having this verse above where I sit also reminds me that He wants us to not just read His Word, but get 'all wrapped up in it'. We must allow it to steep into us (as a tea bag steeps in a cup of water), until we are changed. The longer a tea bag steeps in water the more flavorful it becomes. This concept is true of us as we steep on God's Word. We must sit and soak in Him long enough to change us, so that when we get up from our place of meeting we are transformed. When we get up to start our day, it is no longer just ourselves on our own, but we now have our Helper, the Holy Spirit, ignited within us to guide us through our day.

As I have met with Him and under Him, He has whispered over and over to me: 'Be still, be still my child. You cannot truly know me if you cannot be still.' Through this wall art hanging above me, in His gentle and loving way, He has brought me face to face with the sin I have struggled with most this year--being still. I have had to look this sin square in the face and repent. I have had to ask my sweet Lord and Savior to please forgive me for allowing the cares of this world to usurp Him.

God longs for us to linger with Him, to spend the one thing that we in our western civilization truly never have enough of--time. I've heard it said before that children spell love 't-i-m-e.' Why do they spell love in such a way? Because they need a relationship with us and a relationship can only be built with the building blocks of time. It takes one daily brick after another. It takes work, sweat, sacrifice and dedication. It's not for the faint at heart (or shall I say for the ADD at heart?). It takes focus. It takes intentionality. It takes commitment. If, in order for our relationships with our children to flourish, it takes our invaluable commodity of 'time', how much more so does our relationship with our Creator Father require such? Oh, He longs for our time. He wants our stillness. He wants us to give up our 'time' and give it to Him. He whispers 'let go... let go... please quit clinging so tightly. Please quit being distracted with all this world has to offer. Focus, sweet child, focus. Commit your ways to me...'

Was this all that the Lord wanted me to hear and to learn from this single verse? Of course not. As an onion has many layers, so does the Word of God. Mere days after hanging my wall art, I was sent an email from a friend regarding this very bible verse. I learned something that I had never known before. The word 'still' actually means 'weak'. This bit of knowledge unpacked this verse, and transformed it, giving a deeper, hidden message:

'Be weak and know that I am God...'

Be weak because that is the only way you are ever going to see Me show up, child. Be weak becauase 'my grace is sufficient in your weakness.' Come to me up under this Word of mine, weak-kneed and weary. You must see yourself as nothing. No self sufficiency can you bring. Come empty handed, willing to wait in my presence. Humble yourself under my mighty hand and I will lift you up.

Yes, in my weakness, He is strong. Only in my weakness and nothingness will I truly experience Him. Isn't it just like God to do things 'upside-down/topsy turvy', completely foreign and unknown to our natural inclinations? You see, when left up to us, we want to busy ourselves and fill every inch of our life with activity. When left up to us, we try to 'buck up' and handle all that life dishes out to us on our own. Our society tells us, 'Be strong. Be independent.' Being still and weak doesn't quite fit into the picture, does it? In fact, the word 'doing' is not even in God's initial equation. The doing comes only after we've surrendered before him, weak and still. The doing comes out of the quiet, small voice of Truth He whispers to us as we come up under Him in the quiet, morning hours. His Spirit's voice is like that of a gentle breeze that we will easily miss and overlook if our ear is not inclined to hear.

Surrender your time, your strength, your idols, my child. Be still, be weak and know that I am God. The all-encompassing, all fulfilling God.

Lord, thank you for this teaching. Thank you that there is always a deeper, hidden meaning to your Word and that you reveal yourself in supernatural ways--in ways that we cannot put pen to words. You reveal yourself when we are willing to surrender before you in stillness. We know this, because Your Word tells us so: "'No eye has seen, no ear has heart, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him.' God has revealed this to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words." 1 Cor. 2:9-13

Thank you, sweet Jesus, thank you.

Amen. And Amen.

Today's Bible Reading: 1 Peter 1

2010-12-13T06:35:00.005-05:00

1 Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ,

To God’s elect, exiles scattered throughout the provinces of Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, 2 who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood:

Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

Lord Jesus, thank you for choosing me. Thank you that you are sanctifying me through and through. Thank you that this sanctification process makes me a 'work in progress', that I can look back over these years of knowing you and see you working out your purposes, that I can see you working in your holiness and working out my sinful nature. Thank you that Jesus perfects me--while I'll never be totally free of my sinfulness on this side of heaven, Jesus' work on the cross allows you to see me as holy. Lord I want to be obedient to you and Your Word today. Please give me the strength and ability to do that which I am incapable to do on my own.

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Oh, thank you for your mercy! For giving me a hope beyond hope through the resurrection of Jesus! While the things of this world will pass away, spoil or fade, my inheritance in you WILL NOT! My home will pass away, my latest decor will pass away, the latest clothing trends will pass away, my youth will pass away, but my estate in the heavenlies WILL NOT! Thank you for shielding me with your power, thank you that I can't understand all there is to know regarding my salvation--that you keep so much of it a mystery to me so that I must rely on You through trust alone.

I praise you and thank you for the current trials we are undergoing. First, the many deaths our family has experienced this year. We can't fathom or understand the timing, we can only walk forward and trust you and ask for your help to move through it. Allow this to strengthen our faith, as it reminds us that this life on earth is fleeting and temporary, but our life beyond here is not. That we can hope in a life eternally with you if we have an intimate knowledge of Jesus as our Savior.

Secondly, our current trial we are experiencing through Eric's job loss. Lord, we thank you, thank you, thank you, that this current trial is showing us more than ever before that our trust is NOT in the riches of this world. It is NOT in the silver, the gold and all of the 'things', we, in our materialistic society, put our hope in. Oh, we thank you that this current trial is strenghthening our faith! That it is being refined and tested! We beg you that our faith will be proved genuine and result in praise and glory in You and You alone!

8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 10 Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, 11 trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow. 12 It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.

Thank you that your peace runneth through our souls in a way that we cannot describe but can only rejoice and treasure. Thank you that you are showing us what it means to truly rely on You and You alone. Thank you for the inexpressible joy you fill us with as we spend time with you. Oh, we love you so!

13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”[a]

Lord, forgive me for the many areas in my life that lack self control. Oh, for the many ways I waste time, the many ways I spend my time on selfish, fleeting things. Forgive me and help me see my time as a resource You have given me to spend for You and You alone. Forgive me for making my children's education too important. When I do that, convict me and help me make Your Word the core through which all else flows. Help me to put aside the many voices and thoughts from our society and be still and listen to You, through whom all real knowledge flows. May I focus on you so intently that others may even find me weird and that I wouldn't care what they thought. Forgive me for caring too much about what others think! Make my faith so strong that such thoughts don't even enter my mind.

Oh, Lord, forgive me for my disobedience! Oh, that I would not fall victim to the ignorance I once lived my life in before knowing You. When I do choose such behavior, I pray that I would quickly turn and repent immediately, align myself with You, and get back on the path of Holiness. Lord, thank you that while I will often struggle with sin and fall to it on this side of eternity, You see me as holy through the work of your son, Jesus.

17 Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

Lord your Word tells us the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Give me a reverent fear of you so that I will live wisely and within the boundaries that you have lovingly put in my life. I pray I would not for a moment put my trust today in silver or gold or perishable things that are empty and worthless.

22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.[b] 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24 For,

“All people are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
25 but the word of the Lord endures forever.”[c]

And this is the word that was preached to you.

Now, Lord that you have preached your Word to me, you have convicted my soul and allowed for confession and repentation. Next, Lord, let me walk forward today in obedience to whatever you are calling me to SO THAT I may have sincere, deep love for those around me! Let that love be so evident and overflowing today! May this love invest in those around me and plant seeds that flourish into beautiful, flowering petals that do not wither or blow away. Petals that shout: 'This is the LORD!' Petals that are rooted in and grow up out of your Word! For such petals endure forever. Lord, that I may capture your vision today and fulfill it!

In the Precious Name of your Loving Son, Jesus,
Amen.

A beautiful story

2010-10-23T09:21:00.007-04:00

(So I really wanted to get this done BEFORE the World Series started, and now the Rangers are down two games :( but STILL--this is an amazing story, and if you don't know about it, please read! It is worth your time! AND--this story is a powerful picture of 'coming-back'. Who knows? Maybe the Rangers will have such a story at the end of this series! GO RANGERS!!!!!)

Baseball is a sport that takes pristine hand-eye coordination, rapidly-responding reflexes, along with an intellect that can process and react with extreme precision. And let's not forget about just good 'ole God-given talent.

From the beginning, all who knew Josh Hamilton knew they were witnessing something rare and special. That 'God-given' talent was already evident in his eight and nine year old leagues. He was so far beyond the other players his age, he began playing with kids two years older than him, and still--out shone them all. It was no surprise when he was the #1 draft pick at the age of eighteen, the youngest rookie to ever go #1 in the major leagues.

Throughout his entire growing up years, Josh was considered a 'good kid'--he never drank or smoke. However, all of that in 2002 when he was injured as a result of a car wreck. This car wreck would be the beginning of a downward spiral for Josh. For the first time in his life, he was unable to play baseball. Struggling with boredom and depression, Josh's life began a slow downward spiral...

It started with going to the tatoo parlor and getting inked. Then he began drinking and getting high with the employees. From there, he began using other more potent drugs, such as cocaine, and then finally, crack... it seemed that his life and his baseball talent would be given over to his addiction. People began talking about him with a shake of their head and saying things like, 'what a shame....' Most everyone gave up on him.

Everyone, that is, except God. God--the Great Redeemer--who, in all His mercy, swooped down, taking Josh off the path of destruction and putting him on the path of life.

Friday night when the Rangers beat the Yankees to go on to the World Series, Josh Hamilton knew that that win and that night was about a whole lot more than baseball. Named the MVP of the American League, Josh had this to say when interviewed after the game: '...I just give glory to God. I couldn't get through each day without my relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus--He's my best friend. I owe this to Him.'

The following is Josh's story in his own words, published in an ESPN magazine a few years back when he was playing for the Cinncinati Reds. Please read it; it is SOOO worth reading:

To let you know how far I've come, let me tell you where I've been.

Not that long ago, there were nights I went to sleep in strange places praying I wouldn't wake up. After another night of bad decisions, I'd lie down with my heart speeding inside my chest like it was about to burst through the skin. My thinking was clouded, and my talent was one day closer to being totally wasted.

I prayed to be spared another day of guilt and depression and addiction. I couldn't continue living the life of a crack addict, and I couldn't stop, either. It was a horrible downward spiral that I had to pull out of, or die. I lay there -- in a hot and dirty trailer in the North Carolina countryside, in a stranger's house, in the cab of my pickup -- and prayed the Lord would take me away from the nightmare my life had become.

When I think of those terrible times, there's one memory that stands out. I was walking down the double-yellow of a two-lane country highway outside Raleigh when I woke up out of a trance.

I was so out of it I had lost consciousness, but my body had kept going, down the middle of the road, cars whizzing by on either side. I had run out of gas on my way to a drug dealer's house, and from there I left the truck and started walking. I had taken Klonopin, a prescription antianxiety drug, along with whatever else I was using at the time, and the combination had put me over the edge. It's the perfect example of what I was: a dead man walking.

And now, as I stand on the green grass of a major league outfield or walk to the batter's box with people cheering for me, I repeatedly ask myself one simple question: How did I get here from there?

I've been in the big leagues as a member of the Cincinnati Reds for half a season, but I still find myself taking off my cap between pitches and taking a good look around. The uniform, the ballparks, the fans -- it doesn't seem real. How am I here? It makes no sense to anybody, and I feel almost guilty when I have to tell people, over and over, that I can't answer that one simple question.

I go to sleep every night with a clear mind and a clear conscience. Every day, I walk into an immaculate clubhouse with 10 TVs and all the food I can eat, a far cry from the rat-infested hellholes of my user past. I walk to my locker and change into a perfectly clean and pressed uniform that someone else hung up for me. I grab a bat and a glove and walk onto a beautifully manicured field to play a game for a living.

How am I here? I can only shrug and say, "It's a God thing." It's the only possible explanation.

There's a reason my prayers weren't answered during those dark, messed-up nights I spent scared out of my mind. There's a reason I have this blessed and unexpected opportunity to play baseball and tell people my story.

My wife, Katie, told me this day would come. At my lowest point, about three years ago, when I was wasting away to skin and bones and listening to nobody, she told me I'd be back playing baseball someday. She had no reason to believe in me. During that time, I did nothing to build my body and everything to destroy it. I'd go five or six months without picking up a ball or swinging a bat. By then, I'd been in rehab five or six times -- on my way to eight -- and failed to get clean. I was a bad husband and a bad father, and I had no relationship with God. Baseball wasn't even on my mind.

And still Katie told me, "You're going to be back playing baseball, because there's a bigger plan for you." I couldn't even look her in the eye. I said something like, "Yeah, yeah, quit talking to me."

She looks pretty smart, doesn't she? I have a mission now. My mission is to be the ray of hope, the guy who stands out there on that beautiful field and owns up to his mistakes and lets people know it's never completely hopeless, no matter how bad it seems at the time. I have a platform and a message, and now I go to bed at night, sober and happy, praying I can be a good messenger.

Addiction is a humbling experience. Getting it under control is even more humbling. I got better for one reason: I surrendered. Instead of asking to be bailed out, instead of making deals with God by saying, "If you get me out of this mess, I'll stop doing what I'm doing," I asked for help. I wouldn't do that before. I'd been the Devil Rays' No. 1 pick in the 1999 draft, supposedly a five-tool prospect. I was a big, strong man, and I was supposed to be able to handle my problems myself. That didn't work out so well.

Every day I'm reminded that my story is bigger than me. It never fails. Every time I go to the ballpark, I talk to people who are either battling addictions themselves or trying to help someone else who is. Who talks to me? Just about everybody. I walked to the plate to lead off an inning in early May, minding my own business, when the catcher jogged out to the mound to talk to his pitcher. As I was digging in, the home plate umpire (I'm intentionally not naming him) took off his mask and walked around the plate to brush it off. He looked up at me and said, "Josh, I'm really pulling for you. I've fought some battles myself, and I just want you to know I'm rooting for you."

A father will tell me about his son while I'm signing autographs. A mother will wait outside the players' parking lot to tell me about her daughter. They know where I've been. They look to me because I'm proof that hope is never lost.

They remind me that this isn't really about baseball. It's amazing that God allowed me to keep my baseball talents after I sat out three years and played only 15 games last season in A-ball. On May 6, I hit two homers against the Rockies at home, and I felt like I did in high school. I felt like I could do anything on the field.

I've been called the biggest surprise in baseball this year, and I can't argue with that. If you think about it, how many people have gone from being a crack addict to succeeding at anything, especially something as demanding as major league baseball? If I hadn't been picked up by the Reds after the Rule 5 draft, which opened up a major league roster spot for me, I'd probably still be in A-ball. Instead, I'm hanging around .270 with 13 homers through 60 games with Cincinnati; not bad for a 26-year-old major league rookie. But the way I look at it, I couldn't fail. I've been given this platform to talk about the hell I've been through, so it's almost like I need to do well, like I don't have a choice.

This may sound crazy, but I wouldn't change a thing about my path to the big leagues. I wouldn't even change the 26 tattoos that cover so much of my body, even though they're the most obvious signs of my life temporarily leaving the tracks. You're probably thinking, Bad decisions and addiction almost cost him his life, and he wouldn't change anything? But if I hadn't gone through all the hard times, this whole story would be just about baseball. If I'd made the big leagues at 21 and made my first All-Star team at 23 and done all the things expected of me, I would be a big-time baseball player, and that's it.

Baseball is third in my life right now, behind my relationship with God and my family. Without the first two, baseball isn't even in the picture. Believe me, I know.

***** I'LL NEVER forget Opening Day in Cincinnati. When they called my name during introductions and a sellout crowd stood and cheered, I looked into the stands and saw Katie and our two kids -- Sierra, who's nearly 2, and my 6-year-old stepdaughter, Julia -- and my parents and Katie's parents. I had to swallow hard to keep from breaking down right there. They were all crying, but I had to at least try to keep it together.

I pinch-hit in the eighth inning of that game against the Cubs, and Lou Piniella decided to make a pitching change before I got to the plate. The crowd stood and cheered me for what seemed like forever. It was the best sound I've ever heard. When I got into the box, Cubs catcher Michael Barrett looked up at me from his crouch and said, "You deserve it, Josh. Take it all in, brother. I'm happy for you." I lined out to left, but the following week I got my first start and my first hit -- a home run.

Whether I hit two bombs or strike out three times, like I did in a game against the Pirates, I never forget that I'm living with addiction. It's just part of my life. Johnny Narron, my former manager's brother, is a big part of my recovery. He's the Reds' video coordinator, and he once coached me in fall baseball when I was 15. He looks after me on the road. When they pass out meal money before a trip -- always in cash -- they give mine to Johnny, and he parcels it out to me when I need it.

I see no shame in that; it's just one of the realities of my situation. I don't need to be walking around with $400 in my pocket.

I know I'm different, and my teammates have been very accepting. Being a rookie in the big leagues, there are certain rituals involved, and one of them is carrying beer onto the plane. My teammates gave me that job on one of the first road trips, and I didn't do it. I didn't think it would be a good idea for me to be seen carrying beer onto a plane. They respected my decision.

I get a lot of abuse in visiting cities, but it only bothers me when people are vulgar around kids. The rest I can handle. Some of it is even funny. In St. Louis, I was standing in rightfield when a fan yelled, "My name is Josh Hamilton, and I'm a drug addict!" I turned around and looked at him with my palms raised to the sky. "Tell me something I don't know, dude," I said. The whole section started laughing and cheering, and the heckler turned to them and said, "Did you hear that? He's my new favorite player." They cheered me from that point on.

I live by a simple philosophy: Nobody can insult me as much as I've insulted myself. I've learned that I have to keep doing the right things and not worry about what people think. Fortunately, I have a strong support group with Katie, my family and Johnny. If I ever get in a bad situation, I know I would have to get out of it and give Johnny a call. The key is not getting myself into those situations, but we've talked about having a plan for removing myself just in case. It's all part of understanding the reality of the addiction.

In spring training, when I hit over .400 and made the team, there was a lot of interest in my story.

I decided to be open about what happened to me; early on, I was doing long interviews before my first game in every city. It's been amazing how people have responded, and I think being honest helped. I can't avoid my past, so I don't try. It's not always easy, though. I got sick in late May and ended up on the disabled list after going to the hospital with a stomach problem, and I knew I'd have to answer questions about whether I was using again. I can't control what people think, but the years of drug abuse tore up my immune system pretty good. I get tested three times a week, and if it comes back positive, I know I'm done with baseball for life.

Aside from our struggles as a team, this season has been a dream for me. And that's fitting, because in a way I had to learn how to dream all over again. When I was using, I never dreamed. I'd sleep the dead, dreamless sleep of a stalled brain. When I stopped using, I found my dreams returned. They weren't always good dreams; most of the ones I remember were haunting and dark. They stayed with me long after I woke up.

Within my first week of sobriety in October 2005 -- after I showed up at my grandmother's house in Raleigh in the middle of the night, coming off a crack binge -- I had the most haunting dream. I was fighting the devil, an awful-looking thing. I had a stick or a bat or something, and every time I hit the devil, he'd fall and get back up. Over and over I hit him, until I was exhausted and he was still standing.

I woke up in a sweat, as if I'd been truly fighting, and the terror that gripped me makes that dream feel real to this day. I'd been alone for so long, alone with the fears and emotions I worked so hard to kill. I'm not embarrassed to admit that after I woke up that night, I walked down the hall to my grandmother's room and crawled under the covers with her. The devil stayed out of my dreams for seven months after that. I stayed clean and worked hard and tried to put my marriage and my life back together. I got word in June 2006 that I'd been reinstated by Major League Baseball, and a few weeks afterward, the devil reappeared.

It was the same dream, with an important difference. I would hit him and he would bounce back up, the ugliest and most hideous creature you could imagine. This devil seemed unbeatable; I couldn't knock him out. But just when I felt like giving up, I felt a presence by my side. I turned my head and saw Jesus, battling alongside me. We kept fighting, and I was filled with strength. The devil didn't stand a chance.

You can doubt me, but I swear to you I dreamed it. When I woke up, I felt at peace. I wasn't scared. To me, the lesson was obvious: Alone, I couldn't win this battle. With Jesus, I couldn't lose.

***** I GET cravings sometimes, and I see it as the devil trying to catch me in a weak moment. The best thing I can do is get the thought out of my mind as soon as I can, so it doesn't turn into an obsession. When it happens, I talk to him. I talk to the devil and say, "These are just thoughts, and I'm not going to act on them." When I talk like that, when I tell him he's not going to get the best of me, I find the thought goes away sooner.

Believe it or not, talking to the devil is no harder to explain than many other experiences I've had since that day last December when my life changed. I was working for my brother's tree service in Raleigh, sending limbs through a chipper, when I found out I'd been selected by the Cubs and traded to the Reds in the Rule 5 draft.

But there is one story that sticks with me, so much so that I think of it every day. I was driving out of the players' parking lot at Great American Ball Park after a game in May, with Katie and our two girls. There's always a group of fans standing at the curb, hoping to get autographs, and I stop to sign as many as I can.

And on this particular night, a little boy of about 9 or 10, wearing a Reds cap, handed me a pen and something to sign. Nothing unusual there, but as I was writing the boy said, "Josh, you're my savior."

This stopped me. I looked at him and said, "Well, thank you. Do you know who my savior is?"

He thought for a minute. I could see the gears turning. Finally, he smiled and blurted out, "Jesus Christ." He said it like he'd just come up with the answer to a test. "That's exactly right," I said.

You see, I may not know how I got here from there, but every day I get a better understanding of why.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

A League of Their Own (Wes' season)

2010-09-10T17:55:00.013-04:00

This last and final baseball entry is about Wes and his season. I entitled it 'A League of Their Own' because Wes' team was one of those special teams that you hope to experience in your sport's career. I am going to do my best to describe it.

We prayed and prayed that Wes would get on a good team with a good coach for a couple of reasons. One, Wes had been on a team the prior year that had really struggled and we were hopeful he might be on a better one this season. Two, while all of our boys love baseball, Wes takes the cake. He is about as fanatical as they come for an eight year old.

Every spring afternoon, Wes would spend a couple of hours, at least, practicing baseball. As I would do the dishes, I would look out the kitchen window and see Wes out in the back yard practicing running the bases. As I homeschooled the others, I would hear him throwing the ball up against the side of the house. While I made supper, I could hear him in the garage doing hitting drills. No, I am not kidding. Joshua is pretty disciplined about practicing, but I think Wes even beat him out on hours of practice. I started referring to Wes as Mr. Baseball.

So, you can see why we were hopeful he would get on a team with a coach that took it serious. Well, did God ever answer that prayer...

Wes was put on the Pirates. From the first five minutes of his first practice, we could tell that Wes had a great coach. Eric came home from that practice and said,'this guy really knows what he's doing. He sure can teach the fundamentals of the game.' Now, I am not one to like to sit through watching practices; in the past I have considered them a bit boring. But, after watching one Pirate's practice, I was hooked. This guy (Coach Matt) could even make practice exciting to watch. Pretty soon, Eric and I were fighting over who got to take Wes to practice!

Coach Matt was one of the most efficient coaches I've ever seen. He was completely on top of every drill they did. He had a knack for getting every bit of talent out of each of the players he coached. He was hard but he also really cared about the boys and made it fun. It was kind of like seeing tough love in action.

He was every bit as efficient off the field as he was on. He sent out detailed emails letting us know exactly what was going on when. Not only that, but you would have thought these boys were on an all-star team, as he had us order two different pair of baseball pants for the boys with black belts and black socks. One pair of pants were black and white pin striped. The other pair were gray with a black stripe down the side. He then gave us a schedule of which pants to wear for each game. He also bought black Pirates batting helmets for them to wear when batting. For himself, he bought the traditional black Pirates baseball hat and shirt to wear to each game. Whether or not we would be any good was still out on the table, but we sure were going to dress the part. All of this extra effort on his part made the anticipation mount; we anxiously awaited opening day. And I thought, 'Mr. Baseball (Wes), meet Mr. Baseball (Coach Matt).' Yes, our Mr. Baseball had met his match!

We needn't have worried about whether or not our talent was going to be able to match our attire. The Pirates won their first game 20 something to 0. It was a bit of a blow out and I started to feel badly for the other team and hoped they would at least get on the board.

Every game began to be a repeat of that first one. Now, you would have thought it would have started to get boring--to win every game by so many runs. The interesting thing is, it didn't. It got more and more exciting. There was something special about the chemistry of our team. As my mother-in-law said, 'there is just something magical about them.' I was amazed at the defensive ability of these eight and nine year olds. That is basically why our opponents couldn't get many runs on the board; they couldn't get much by them. We saw them turn several double plays. We saw some amazing catches. And we saw these boys instinctively know at what base to make the play. Many of the teams had difficulty stealing second because our catcher could get them out at second. We heard Coach Matt say more than once, 'defense always beats offense. Always.' Now, the boys could really hit the ball too, but it was their defense that made them stand out and made them truly fun to watch.

Coach Matt is 100% Italian...if you can picture 'Cake Boss' except in the world of baseball, you've got the picture. He could be--well--intense. He has that typical Italian personality. He doesn't hold back what he is feeling when he is feeling it. So he culd be explosive one minute and encouraging the next. The thing is, for every bit of his toughness, he was equally praiseworthy over a good play. Not only that, the time and effort he put into these boys was unbelievable. He took them and paid for ice cream for the team after several games. He reserved and paid for batting cages for batting practice for the entire team at least twice. He offered to meet with the boys individually outside of practice and work on hitting or fielding. And when the season was about midway through, he sent out an email inviting the entire team and families to an end of season cookout and swim party at their community pool. He really put his all into this team.

Well, at the end of the regular season we were undefeated. I think the closest anyone ever came to beating us was within six runs. We were excited to play in the tournament. We had been playing National League teams all season...but their were two teams in the American League that we would eventually face that were going to be hard to beat. They were both good hitting teams and pretty good defensively. We would have to be playing our best to beat them.

The tournament began. We won our first three games easily by several runs. At this point, we advanced to the semi-finals. There were four teams left and it became double elimination. The next team we faced were the Blue Jays. In my opinion, they were our toughest competition. It was going to be pretty evenly matched and our boys would have to fight through the game and give it their all if they were going to beat this team.

This game was the biggest nail biter in history. Not to mention, Eric had stayed back for a couple of days in Murray, KY to be with his grand-dad (his grandmother had just passed away), and it was just me and Owen, my three year old, at the game. AND, Joshua's team was playing a few fields over at the same time in their tournament game, which was also a nail biter. What's a mom to do? I was running back and forth like a chicken with its head cut off, dragging Owen with me and cheering like a crazy woman. INTENSE, to say the least! I earned a few more gray hairs that night, for sure.

Basically, it was an extremely close game, resulting in it being tied 6 to 6 in the last inning. This was the first time we hadn't scored several runs in a game because this was the first time we had ever played a team that could stop us in the field. The Blue Jays had some amazing catches in the out field to say the least. Also, our defense played an impeccable game that night. To be honest, it was close to perfect--the best defense I had seen them play yet.

Tied 6-6, we went into extra innings, with the Pirates having the home advantage. That flip for Home probably won that game for us. We got a couple of runs in, making the score 8-6. They then got another run in, making it a one point ballgame. They had some players on base, yet we were able to hold them and win the game. YES! Coach Matt praised the team that night for their defense and warning them that we would see the Blue Jays again. You see, the Blue Jays were now in the losers bracket; they would play the loser between the Rays and the Marlins. However, most likely they would win that game, resulting in them playing again. We would play the winner between the Rays and the Marlins (are you confused yet? I know! But hold tight, even if you don't really get who's playing who. The ending is worth it!).

The Rays ended up winning, so next up would be the Pirates vs. Rays and the Bluejays vs. the Marlins. This game was super important because both the Rays and the Pirates had yet to lose a game. Whoever won this would have a huge advantage. All they would have to do is show up on Friday night for the championship game and win. The loser however, would have to win three games to become the champions.

Now, remember, we are going into this game yet to have lost a game, and we are the only team in the whole Lyndon Recreational League with an undefeated record. Going into a tournament with such a record can sometimes be a disadvantage because whether you mean to or not, you get a bit of an 'air', if you know what I mean.

So here we go. The biggest game of the year. Rays vs. Pirates. From the start, it was as if all was against us. It seemed as if the game was 'off' from the start. Coach Matt was wound up tight. Our boys were wound up tight. As a result, our guys made fielding errors they hadn't made all year. I have to say it was a real let-down. It's harder to stomach a loss, I think, when you know you could have played better.

As we walked to our cars that night, I wondered how our team would react to this loss. We hadn't ever had to deal with losing before. Would it get the best of us? Would they be able to keep it from ruffling them? I knew our team had a lot of talent but could it come back on Friday and do the seemingly impossible feat of winning three tough games? Only time would tell.

Friday rolled around and we (as Coach Matt predicted) faced the Blue Jays again. To make it to the championship game we had to beat the Blue Jays and then immediately play a second game against the Rays. If we were able to muster up a win against the Rays, we would then come back the following morning and play the Rays one more time for the Championship title. All the Rays had to do tonight was waltz in and play the winner of the Pirates and the Blue Jays.

Well, the Blue Jays were out for blood. This turned out to be, again, just as much as a nail biter as the very first tournament game we played against them. Except this time they wanted revenge. BAD. But we had something that night that I think gave us the edge to pull out a win. Remember the infamous line between Julius and Gerry in 'Remember the Titans'?

'Attitude reflects leadership.'

That night's game showcased Coach Matt's love for his boys. He showed up with a sound system for the game that night so that the boys could be announced prior to the game and prior to batting. He had music playing from the sound system before the game and in between innings. At the beginning of the tournament, Coach Matt had told the boys he would get a mohawk if they won the championship. So, all around the dug out he hand hung these posters:

Coach Matt set the tone for the evening by making it fun. Rather than our boys being wound tight, our boys caught the spirit and looked like they were having the time of their lives. The attitude definitely reflected the leadership that night.

Play Ball!

And that our boys did. I daresay both teams gave it their all. It was back and forth, good play after good play. Both teams were 'on'. Both teams looked unstoppable.

But we edged ahead our last time to bat. We were the visitors so we had to hold them. And that we did!

The Pirates were headed to the Championship!

The Rays waltzed out on the field. Cool and crisp, clean and tidy, not having played a game minutes before. Oh, this one was going to be a tough one. Could we do it?

From the start the Rays seemed to have the upper hand. And we just looked, well, tired. Even though we were down a couple of runs in our last inning up to bat (we were visitors again), I just couldn't shake the feeling that this game wasn't over yet.

One out.

Two outs.

Last person up to bat.

Two strikes. Full count.

Ball is pitched. Bat is swung. The bat connects with the ball, with a beautiful cracking sound. The ball is hit out into the field. Bases are rounded...

In a crucial moment with two outs and two strikes, the tide is turned. Just like that. When the inning ends, we are up by two. The Rays seemed stunned and perplexed when they come up to bat. They can't get anything going, and ...

The Pirates won!!!!

Yes! We are headed to the championship that next morning. We must play the Rays one more time and win to be the champions!

That next morning, the smell of victory was in the air. You just sensed it was going to be a good day. You sensed Coach Matt would be heading to the barber after the game.

I wish I could remember every detail to tell you. Every play. I wish I had recorded it right when it happened. It was one of those special moments in your sports career that every boy dreams of. Some get to experience it more than once. Some never get the chance. My eight-year-old boy got to taste and smell the sweetness of a championship victory. It was as if he had just won the Worlds Series (parents, you know what I am talking about!). It was a special moment, indeed! A cherished moment in the life of our family to forever be remembered.

Coach Matt did go and get his mohawk and we had a pool and pizza party immediately following the big win. A fun way to end a fun season.

And next year we get to do it all over again. :)

Joshua's Season

2010-09-08T16:54:00.022-04:00

As I stated in an earlier post, Joshua had been playing on a travel baseball team for the last two years. However, the coach had decided to discontinue the team for the coming year. So we had to make a decision on where he would play. We chose to have all of our boys play recreational ball at Lyndon.

Joshua was randomly assigned to the Bluejays in the 12/13 year old league. To say that the team got off to a rough start would be putting it mildly. They couldn't seem to win a game nor even come close to winning, for that matter. Their team seemed to lack energy and excitement. While the team may have been struggling to perform, I was definitely impressed with the kid's behavior. The coach in the very first practice let them know that he did not entertain any language from the players on his team and if he heard any that they would not play. I was very thankful for his coach's stance on that as I saw and heard otherwise on other teams. From the start, there were no bad attitudes or issues of that sort from any of the players and I truly believe it was because the coach set that standard from the beginning.

Joshua's playing was adequate; there still seemed to be some kind of disconnect going on when he stepped up to the plate. He just didn't perform. Don't misunderstand what I am trying to say. Not everyone is going to be a great baseball player, and that is fine. We have always asked our kids to just do the very best they can, whatever that may be. Give your all; don't hold back. It was just this feeling that he wasn't quite giving 100%; like he was holding back something. The strange thing about all of this was that Joshua is one of the hardest working, disciplined kids I've been around. He is extremely competitive and usually does give his all. I continued praying that God would turn Joshua's hitting around, that He would build Joshua's confidence and that they would at least win a game.

So the season continued and slowly the Blue Jays improved, yet they still couldn't seem to win a game. One practice, about mid season, the coach had them all bring their favorite fruit to practice. Their hitting practice consisted of hitting fruit. The team had more fun that night then they had probably had at all their games combined. I don't know if the coach expected this, but the payoff from that night of practice was strangely fruitful. The next night at their game, the Blue Jays turned it on at the plate. They were on fire and played like we'd never seen them play. They had an energy and excitement we had yet to see them have. They played well and won! While I can't say they suddenly became this amazing team that couldn't be beat, they definitely turned a corner that night. They finally began playing together as a team, displaying zeal and confidence that hadn't been there before.

Little by little, Joshua improved. Little by little his confidence seemed to be coming back. He began to get on the base more than not. And if he could get on the base, you could almost guarantee a run. Yet, there still seemed to be something holding him back...

The last game of the regular season, the Blue Jays faced the Cardinals who were #1 in the league. At the beginning of the season, our coach had told our team that they would beat the Cards before the season was over. That goal had and still seemed to be unattainable.

Yet something completely amazing happened that night. Our team was completely on their game that night. The score went back and forth throughout the game. In the last inning, we were down by four runs. But the Bluejays came back and tied it! We were now going into extra innings!

It seemed from this point forward for every play we made the Cards couldn't. For every pop fly we caught, the Cards couldn't. For every hit we got, the Cards, couldn't. In short, we outplayed them and won!

While Joshua had had an error or two early in the game, he was on fire for the rest of it. He had some incredible hits, great base running and great defense.

After the win, the coach gathered them around and what I heard I will never forget. He said: 'I told all of you that we would beat the Cards before the season was over, didn't I? At the beginning of the year, I knew we were lacking in talent, that some of you were playing baseball for the very first time and that it was going to be a slow go. But I've always said that baseball is more about the heart than about talent. And that's what I saw tonight. I saw a lot of heart. I would rather have someone with a lot of heart playing for me any day than someone with talent and no heart. Also, Grogan and me--we had a little talk early on in the game, didn't we Grogan? He had a few errors and he was mad and down on himself. I told him 'are you going to throw away the rest of the game because of a few errors? Baseball is a game of second chances. It's a forgiving game. You got to look forward and focus on what is in front of you, not on what you did or didn't do. And Grogan did just that and look at the kind of game he had. Never forget that boys. It is the game of second chances.'

Okay, that is about the best talk I ever heard. I think he deserves a baseball academy award for that one. It suddenly hit me that he had just summed up what we had seen Joshua do for the past two years. Joshua is about as perfectionistic as they come and can get down on himself for the smallest mistake. This 'talk' was exactly what Joshua needed and exactly when he needed it. It was a break through. I realized in that moment that God had been hearing my prayers all season and was answering them in His way in His timing. He had everything under control. I knew in my spirit that something changed that night. It was the monumental breakthrough that we had been praying for him.

The tournament started the very next week. Being that we had one of the worst records in the league, we were scheduled to play the #1 team. Yes, you guessed it. We were set to face off against the Cardinals. The odds were totally stacked against them. To be able to pull an upset two times in a row would take an act of God.

Well, acted He did. Once again the Blue Jays won and it wasn't even as close this time! They outplayed them in every way, resulting in the Blue Jays picking off the #1seeded team in the tournament! Joshua continued to play well and it was an exciting night, indeed.

Two nights later, the Blue Jays won again, allowing them to advance to the semi finals of the tournament. At this point in the tournament, there were four teams left and it became double elimination. The Blue Jays were definitely the underdogs but we were ecstatic to have made it this far! Who knew at the beginning of the season we would be seeing this struggling team in the finals of the tournament? God knew, that's who!

Well, I wish I could write that the Blue Jays continued with their miraculous run, and won it all--wouldn't that make for a good ending? Unfortunately, they just couldn't pull it off in the next two games. They lost both and finished fourth in the tournament. We ended on an upbeat, though. In my opinion, to watch a team or athlete improve dramatically from the beginning of a season to an end is one of the most rewarding things to witness.

On a personal note, Joshua was selected to the all-star team, which couldn't have been a better way for him to end his baseball season. It was probably his best played game of the year. He was especially psyched to lead off at bat and play short stop. It made me smile to see him smiling and enjoying himself and playing his heart out. As I watched this game I kept remembering what his coach had said: 'I'd rather have heart over talent anyday...'

I realized this season had been about a lot more than baseball. It had been about recapturing Joshua's heart. It had been about getting out there and enjoying the game and doing the best he could and then being satisfied with that. It had been about learning to be okay with yourself when you make an error. He had learned that you don't look back, agonizing over what could have been, that you've got to keep looking forward, knowing that there is always a second chance around the bend.

Philippians 3:12-14: 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

One day after the season was over, Joshua said to me out of the blue: "I know why I was in such a hitting slump for so long."

"Why?"

"Well, remember the very first time I was up to bat for Impact (the travel team he had played for) and I got hit really hard by the pitcher? Well, I never could get over it and I always tensed up and just couldn't relax when I was up to bat. But this season I was finally able to get over that fear and put it behind me."

It was like we finally had all the missing pieces to the puzzle. While I am not sure why it took two years for Joshua to talk about this fear he was having, I believe it was all in God's timing. He knew that Joshua needed this particular coach and this particular league for this particular season in his life to teach him these particular lessons. The lessons that Joshua learned regarding conquering fears, playing with his heart, and looking forward and not back are life lessons that can be applied to any situation.

God knows what we need when we need it. I am thankful that He listens to a mother's prayers and he answers them in His timing and His way. I am thankful that He cares about a twelve year old's baseball season enough to help conquer his fears and recapture the excitement and heart of the game. I am thankful for sports in our children's lives and all the things about life our children can learn from them. I am thankful for the coaches and how they have influenced each of our kids thus far. Our God is a personal God who cares about even the seemingly small matters in life. Oh, how I am thankful to serve such a God!

Jeremiah's Season

2010-09-07T18:34:00.005-04:00

I am going to start with my little t-baller and reminisce over his t-ball year. That would be our six year old, Jeremiah. Now, you might be thinking, for crying out loud it's just t-ball. Like it matters! Well, yes and no. Yes, you are right, in the fact that it is just t-ball. And no, you are wrong, because Jeremiah had a set of coaches that determinedly decided to put there all into this t-ball team and make it matter. Jeremiah is our third boy and we have seen a lot of baseball seasons come and go (many of those seasons played in a church league) and we have never been as impressed with a set of t-ball coaches as we were with these guys.

First of all, their organization was impeccable. We usually got two lengthy, detailed emails a week. They sent email reminders about practices and about games, even though we had a game schedule. They sent a follow up email about each game. They were the kings of communication. It was great.

Secondly, our team was the Twins and they had a little cheer we did at the beginning and end of each game and practice: 'Twins! Twins! Twins!' They even ended each email with this chant. I loved it.

Thirdly, these guys grew up playing Lyndon baseball and they wanted each of our little guys on the team to have the same great experience that they had had growing up playing baseball there. So, they put their hearts into it.

Fourth, they had some awesome techniques for getting our kids to run through the bases and actually play the positions they were at. Most of the t-ball teams we played, all the kids would run after the ball when it was hit rather than playing their spot, resulting in mass chaos on the field. Our team didn't do that though; they actually taught them how to play their spot. Incredible.

Fifth, they were so positive and used positive reinforcement with everything. It was great. They also got to know each individual player and really worked with them on their baseball skills.

Sixth, and most importantly, they made it fun. They were a fun group of guys that wanted the season to be the best it could be. At the end of the season they gave each player a baseball signed by all three coaches with the name of the team and the year on it. They said a little bit about each player. These coaches reminded me that every little bit of influence you have counts, even when it is 'just' t-ball (or 'just' preschool, or 'just' _________--you feel in the blank). When you give it your all it makes a difference and you turn something ordinary into something extraordinary.

I got a bit teary-eyed this year at the last game, knowing next year Jeremiah would be moving on to a different team and it would be all up in the air again--what team he will be on, who'll be his coach... We will be facing uncertainty again. But then God reminded me that uncertainty is good. It keeps us relying on Him as we wait to see what He has in store in the next season of life.

One last funny thing about all of this. Jeremiah turned six in June--he could have gone either way in terms of which league to play in. He could have 'played up' in coach pitch or he could have stayed a second year in t-ball. Jeremiah has been playing baseball with his older brothers since he learned how to walk, so as you can imagine, he is a pretty good player. Yes, in all respects he probably should have 'played up'. But we loved his coaches SO MUCH, and we just couldn't part with them, so we decided to play down. Maybe, if he plays professional baseball someday we'll get to tell the story about how he 'played down' in t-ball! Ha! :)

Unwrapping the Gifts in this Baseball Season

2010-09-07T17:48:00.004-04:00

Wow, am I ever behind on journaling about our lives. I have so much to write about and yet so little time to ever sit down and try to put two thoughts cohesively together! Did that last sentence even make sense... Oh well, I better throw out the perfection and just get to writing if I am ever going to get anywhere with this blogging thing.

So, the last thing I wrote about was baseball... and I have to finish up by posting about our baseball seasons. This year was significant for many reasons and I've got to write about it or it's soon going to go into the 'land of fuzzy memories'.

Just to give you some background...prior to this season, Joshua had been playing on a travel baseball team for the last two years. At the time, it seemed to fit perfectly into our lives because the man who started that team had a vision of 'God first, family second, baseball third.' He wanted to create a 'travel' team that did not go overboard in the amount of baseball games and travel involved, yet was more competitive and serious than a recreational league. This seemed a perfect fit for our family as we too do not want baseball (or any sport for that matter) to be all-consuming. We had a great couple of years of baseball with this team; however, at the end of the last season, the coach decided to discontinue the team.

Hence, it was decision time. What to do with Joshua after being out of the 'rec' ball atmosphere for a few years? Many of his teammates were trying out for another travel team in town. Honestly, though, Joshua had really struggled with his hitting ability over the last two years. He was in a slump that he had yet to get out of. We were at a loss at what was going on when he got up to the plate. Both Eric and I felt he needed to go back to rec ball, get his confidence up, and get practice playing several different positions, and just have some good 'ole fun.

Thus, the decision was made to go back to Lyndon Recreation. Jeremiah would be playing with the team he played with last year and Joshua and Wes would be thrown into the 'lottery' and randomly put on a team.

I prayed and prayed over the teams they would be on. I prayed for an amazing season for each of them. I specifically prayed that this would be a confidence building year for Joshua and he would get out of his hitting slump. I specifically prayed that Wes would get on a winning team with a good coach, as the prior year he had been on a team that struggled to perform.

God is such an amazing and good God. He loves to give good gifts to his children. And that is exactly how I view our baseball season--a beautiful gift from God. He gave each of our boys exactly what they needed this baseball season and then far more than we could have ever asked or imagine. He answered every prayer we prayed for this season for them. I do not know why I am so surprised. God delights in answering our prayers, even those as seemingly insignificant as baseball.

My next three posts will focus individually on each of our three baseball players and God's goodness at making their seasons remarkably significant.

With Spring, Comes Baseball

2010-07-21T07:33:00.004-04:00

With the start of spring, many minds instantly picture flowers blooming, warmer weather,and the beginning of longer days. For our family, the mental picture that comes to our minds is baseball. It's the season that means treking to the ball field on an almost nightly basis. It means our three year old has 'red clay' from Lyndon ball field in his hair for two months straight. It means that we will be eating a lot of PB&J picnic dinners on the bleachers. It means we will go to McCalister's Deli on a regular basis because all five of our kids can eat FREE (it also means that they'll know our family and our order by name by the end of the season!). It means I will be spending a lot of money on ring pops to keep the 'O Factor' happy. It means getting home past nine most nights, covered in dirt and sweat. It means washing and scrubbing baseball pants daily. It means my 6 year old, 8 year old and 12 year old will play pitch and catch non-stop out in the yard. It means that we will talk over and re-hash every game, play-by-play. We won't talk about anything else. We have a one track mind because it's baseball season.

...Listen closely--I can almost hear it, can't you? It's the music from 'The Rookie' playing in the background...

It’s opening day. Fresh, cut grass feels the air. Boys, young and old, dream about a winning season as they walk from the parking lots with their dads to their first game. With their baseball bags slung over their shoulders and sporting new uniforms, they can't help feeling proud. In fact, it's hard to suppress the grin welling up inside because of the sheer delight over the love they have for the sport. Suppress it, they do, however, because they envision their favorite major league player walking onto the field in all seriousness. Thus, they too must compose themselves tall and soberly. After all, one day, they too will be playing for the majors.

Everyone rises for the National Anthem. Baseball players are scattered throughout the many fields, saluting the flag respectively, with hats 0ff. A tear or too trickles down the cheek of more than one parent as they take in the scene before them. Something about the National Anthem and the 'All-American' sport of baseball, coupled with a boy in a uniform, makes one's emotions aroused.

The games begin. Dirt and dust from the in-field encompasses everything and everyone as boys hit the ball and round the bases. Shouts of 'hey, batter, batter!...' and 'Strike!' fill the air, along with some whoops and hollers from the spectators.

Hope is in the air because a new day has dawned. It's baseball season.

Not a fan, yet? Stay tuned to the next posts as I take you up-close and personal with our three favorite sluggers: Jeremiah, Wes and Joshua. Oh, you are going to become a fan--I just know it!

Baseball

2010-07-21T06:56:00.003-04:00

My kids, especially my boys, LOVE competing in sports--particularly baseball. I am usually so exhausted and ready for baseball to be over with by the time the middle of July rolls around. Yes, I was exhausted last weekend when our seasons came to an end, but I found myself sad that the end was here. You see, they all had very memorable and unforgettable seasons, each for different reasons. I am going to spend my next two blog entries attempting to capture the magic that we got to experience this year through our baseball seasons.

So, stay tuned... and if you don't like baseball I am going to try to win you over to it in the next couple of days!

The Ultimate Gift...given by the ultimate lady

2010-07-12T16:15:00.000-04:00

On June 27, 2010, the Lord called home Eric's grandmother, Margaret Polly. She was 84 years old. It was a bit surreal. You see, just a week prior we had attended the funeral of my grandmother. And now Eric's grandmother, too, was gone. Two grandmothers to pass away in two weeks seems almost too much to handle. It was and continues to be sad to no longer have them here, but it is also every bit of a celebration to know that these two ladies are with Jesus.

My prior post was a tribute to my grandmother, Mabel Winkler. This post is dedicated to Eric's grandmother, Margaret Polly, whom we all lovingly refer to as 'Mi'. Two days prior to her passing, Mi gave us the ultimate gift. She allowed all of her family members that were surrounding her to see the peace and comfort that she was experiencing as she began the 'passing on' process. Everyone who walked in their home that day undeniably felt the presence of God and saw Him radiating from her peaceful state. She talked of how she was seeing Jesus and she was ready to go to Him. It was beautiful and it was supernatural. It was the ultimate gift.

How I wish you could have known Mi. How I wish you could have experienced her funeral. You see, it was a celebration--a celebration of a life lived well, surrounded by a husband and family who loved her dearly. My sister in law, Heather, gave a beautiful eulogy depicting Mi's character that shown through even in her final hours. Eric wrote a eulogy, describing their years of growing up down the street from Mi and Gigi. They both did such a heart-felt, amazing job that I want to share their words with you:

"In 2 Phillipians 2:3 it says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourself.” That verse is a picture of who my grandmother was. We called her Mi, but she was the least “Me” centered person that I have ever known.

She always put others before herself. That is a hard trait to come by these days. Her whole life was a picture of grace and servanthood. I do not remember a time in my life when she was not there for me. Every memory I have of her is good. Going to her home and sitting at the kitchen table with her was a resting place for my heart and soul. She was my safe place. She was complete and total comfort to me.
If you would have told me last week that we would be here today I would have never believed that I could be standing before you with such joy and peace. But Jesus gave us an amazing precious time with her last week and He used Mi’s grace to show us Himself.

Continuing to put her family first, last Thursday she called my Grandfather “Gigi” and my mom into the room and told them that it was time for her to go. She knew it was going to be too hard for us to tell her it was okay for her to leave, so she did it for us. She told Gigi what a wonderful husband he was, and my Mom what a wonderful daughter she was and how she had a wonderful life. She told them how much she loved them. Throughout the day she would reach her hand up twinkle her fingers and she told them she was reaching for Jesus. Mom said, “What does he look like mother,” and she replied “He is wonderful.” Continuing to think of others first, she told Gig, “I can’t wait for you to meet him, but he is better looking than you.” She really said that.

For the rest of the day following she proceeded to tell everyone how much she loved them and how much they meant to her. She talked to so many people that day. Nothing was left unsaid. She even planned this event here today. She told them, we have planned a lot of celebrations in this family, but I guess this is the first time we have planned a celebration for a funeral. She laughed so hard that day. She was so full of peace and joy. Mom has called it “the incredible gift” all week. It was the ultimate gift.

Gigi and Mi had a beautiful love story that is such an example to all of us. You two got to live the dream that everyone wants. I can’t tell you how much we have learned from living our lives watching you two together. It is precious to me. You were married to your best friend. You laughed together and had so much fun. In fact last week I believe she told you she only had two secrets from you in the 65 years you were married, and she would tell you one of them! You served each other faithfully.

Mom, you were such a wonderful daughter to her. She was your best friend and you were hers. She was so proud of you. You were her treasure. Dad, you were every bit her son. She never gave you anything but praise to me. She told me so often what a wonderful father I have. Eric and Adam, she was so proud of the husbands and parents that you’ve become. She spoke often of how proud she was of you both.

I am so thankful that our children were able to know her and be loved by her. The babies, as she lovingly called them, were her joy and her delight. They will miss their Mi.

The Bible describes love so beautifully in the 13th chapter of Corinthians. As I read it through I discovered that it describes Mi as well, because you see Mi was patient, and she was kind, she did not envy, she did not boast, she was not proud, she was not rude, she was not self –seeking, she was not easily angered, and she kept no record of wrongs. She always protected, always trusted, always hoped, and she now perseveres.

I cannot express what a privilege it is to be Margaret Polly’s granddaughter. I have heard over and over this week what a lady she was. She lived her life so well and she was full of grace even in her death. She was a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love in every way."

~Heather

"‘Mi’ is what we call her. Gigi were the words that came out for him. I guess when you’re the first grandson and you’re around your grandparents, toddler words come out and ‘Mi and Gigi’ were the ones that stuck. So from then on she was known as Mi. I’m writing about her because for those who know me best it doesn’t take a lot for me to tear up. So it probably wouldn’t make sense if I was up here.

So here we go….I would describe Mi best as a servant’s servant. She was always concerned about everybody besides herself. When we were celebrating Holidays, or at the lake it seemed like she never sat down. Always making sure we were taken care of. She never let us get up for seconds--she would be right there and re-fill our plates.

Growing up we also lived in Canterbury, so you know what that means….Mi and Gigi were right down the street. They had all the great food, little debbie’s, mini pizza’s from the Schwann’s truck, Coke’s, Sprite’s, everything that we didn’t have in our fridge. Instead, our refrigerator had Tab and Rice Cakes and occasionally, if we were lucky, chocolate jello that chilled overnight in the fridge (Heather probably remembers). So you can guess that I rode my bike and dropped in on Mi and Gigi’s and their refrigerator on a regular basis.

One of the reasons we moved from Nashville to Louisville is so my kids could have some of the same experiences I did growing up close to the Grandparents. Growing up with Mi and Gigi were some of the best times of my life.

Just the other day my 12 yr old Joshua was asking me about scholarships and college. First of all, I can’t believe he’s 12 and asking me those questions already. But I did what any Dad would do…I explained as best as I could. He asked me if I got a scholarship and of course I said I got several offers from all the big schools (not really), but decided to stay here and go to Murray State. He then proceeded to ask me how I got to go to college. I answered, “because of Mi and Gigi. They took care of everything.” He said, “Wow, that’s really awesome…and I said, “yeah, that’s the way they are.” Being a servant again….thinking of others.

In Proverbs 31:10-31 the scriptures talk about a good woman is hard to find and is worth far more than diamonds. She’s up before dawn preparing breakfast and planning her day. Her children respect and bless her…her husband joins in with words of praise. Many women have done wonderful things but you (Mi) have outclassed them all.

My wife and daughter did a bible study together called Proverbs 31 Princess. If Mi was in the bible study she would be considered the QUEEN of Proverbs 31.

Thursday was the last time that I got to see her. It was a beautiful day. The previous days she didn’t have a lot to say, but Thursday God brought her out and it was non-stop talking. Once again, she was concerned about me….my job, my family, and she asked about my van…do you like it? How does it drive etc…..once again….thinking of others. Not concerned about herself…..even in her last days which she knew were coming to a close.

You know that’s what Jesus did for us, he thought of us, sacrificed himself on a cross for our sins so we could have the opportunity to live with him in heaven. And as she stretched out both of her hands so confidently and ‘reached’ for Jesus, I pray that we will do the same. Reach for Jesus….draw close to him….and think of others first….Just like Mi did throughout her life and is doing right now next to Him."
`
~Eric

***This picture is of Eric's grandparents, Mi and Gigi, celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary on May 9 of this year.***

A Tribute to my Grandma

2010-06-21T16:20:00.001-04:00

My Grandma, Mabel Winkler, passed away last Wednesday, June 16. She was 97 years old and lived a very full, healthy life. She leaves behind my aunt, fourteen grandchildren, thirty-one great-grandchildren and one great-great grand child. Below is a tribute to a live lived well:

Our Grandma was what you would call the All American Grandma because she was exactly what you envision when you think of the word Grandma.

She was sweeter than sweet. Everyone that met her said so. She always had a compliment or a kind word for you. Always. I never visited her when she didn’t have something positive and uplifting to say to me.

Grandma knew how to make you feel welcomed and it usually involved some kind of fresh baked goody. She knew that chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven or freshly made Rice Krispy treats instantly made the world a better place. Grandma was quick to let you know that they hadn't turned out quite right this time—that something must be wrong with her oven. Nevertheless, they always tasted perfect.

Thanksgiving just didn't happen without my Grandma. She started the two traditions that have made Thanksgiving on my side of the family what it is today: butterhorn rolls and homemade noodles. To this day I don't think either I or my four siblings have ever missed this holiday get-together with my side of the family. I really think it has to do with these two food items. Nobody else's thanksgiving dinners can compare. Nope, no-one's.

In a world that is fast paced and in a hurry, Grandma wasn't. You never felt like you were an interruption. She always had time for you. She was always available to be called on at a moment's notice for last minute sleep-overs or just to spend the evening together. She was never too busy for a game of cards or checkers. And somehow she never won any of the games! I'm pretty sure that was on purpose.

Grandma always had a smile for you. Always. And if I try I can still hear her laugh. It was a quiet and gentle chuckle, just like her.

She was a classy lady. She cared enough about her appearance to take time to look nice, yet didn’t overly fuss over herself.

She was very independent and determined. In her seventies and eighties, she rode the bus all over town to get where she needed to go. Staunchly loyal to her Democratic roots, she had an opinion about every election and was determined to cast her vote.

And wow. Did she have a servant’s heart. You could always find her in the kitchen at family get togethers. She sacrificially did all the jobs that no one wanted to do, like scrub the dishes at the kitchen sink while everyone else talked and played. My Grandma was eighty-two when Eric and I got married. Yet she stayed at my reception and helped clean up everything until one o'clock in the morning.

Grandma grew up going to church and went for all of her married life until my Grandpa got too sick to go. Since she couldn't drive, she couldn't go unless someone offered to take her. For most of her later life, she watched church service on TV on Sunday mornings. In many of my conversations with her, she often mentioned 'the good Lord' and she showed me her tried and true Bible on more than one occasion.

Now, Grandma could have her angry moments. Such as the time she threw a pie in Grandpa’s face when he came home late on his birthday. However, these moments were few and far between and out of character for her. Which is probably why the ‘pie story’ has been told and retold a million times because it is so hard to imagine her doing such a thing, making it all the more funnier.

Most comforting about Grandma was that she was always there. Content to not be the life of the party, she was always there in the background watching. She loved watching and being around her grandkids and great grand kids more than anything else in the world.

All of these qualities we see in Grandma are such comforting, refreshing qualities because they are the same qualities that we see in God’s son, Jesus. Just as Grandma sat in the background and was always there, He too sits in the background of our life—forever there--waiting for us to choose Him. He is not overbearing. He is not demanding. He is quietly waiting for you to come to Him. Just like Grandma, He lived a sacrificial life on this earth. He came and died a brutal life on the cross, shedding his blood for our sins so that we could have everlasting life with Him.

Just like Grandma and her pie throwing moment, we all have our moments of sin, too. It might not be anger but it might be pride, jealousy, impatience... You name it. We all struggle with sin because we are all part of this fallen world. But God gave us a way out. We can confess those sins to God and trust our lives with Jesus.

There is a Bible verse that I feel completely describes Grandma’s life. Even though this verse is instruction to wives in how to win over their unbelieving husbands, I believe that it sums up how Grandma lived her life before us. It’s 1 Peter 3:1-4:

‘Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.’

Grandma never had to say a word about Jesus for us to know that she had Jesus within her. Her pure conduct and the beauty of her gentle and quiet spirit said it all. Her calming and quiet spirit was never anxious or fretful about dying because she knew where she was going. She was ready for heaven where she could worship God and do that which we were all created to do. My hope for each of us is that we too would reflect on Grandma’s life and ask ourselves if we too have that same confident, peaceful assurance that she had.

Worry or Worship?

2010-05-18T06:38:00.001-04:00

Tonight concludes the bible study that I have been doing these past eight weeks. This week's homework has been on worrying. At first, I'll admit, I thought to myself, 'oh, that is something that I used to really deal with, but I don't really struggle with that anymore.' HA! I should realize that anytime I arrogantly think or make a statement like that, God is going to come along and set me straight. Of course, He did just that through my homework this week. With His sweet grace and gentleness, He showed me that worry is still indeed an area of struggle in my life. While, yes, the Lord has done a great work in me since the time I became a believer thirteen years ago, I still have areas of my life that I am more prone to worry through rather than giving over to God.

Just to name a few: I worry about my children's salvation. I worry about Eric's health. I worry about my children's health. I worry about my health. I worry that we will be in a terrible car accident. I worry when we have to drive in bad weather. I worry that my parenting is messing up my kids. I worry about Eric losing his job. I worry about teaching my kids everything that they need to know for school. I worry about finances... and mind you, I am just getting warmed up!

Oh my--and I thought that I didn't have a problem with worrying???

When I first became a believer, worry was such a stronghold for me that the first verse I memorized was: 'do not be anxious about anything, but everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, submit your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:6-7'' This verse gave me so much comfort and it still does. When I say this verse outloud when I feel myself start to fret, I can tangibly feel His peace begin to wash over my being. Oh, how I love that about God's Word! It REALLY IS living and breathing and able to transform us from within!

While worry is still a weakness for me (I can spiral down the 'worry tube' in a heartbeat!), I do feel like I have a better grip than I used to on this area--that God is sanctifying me. I have learned (and am learning!) to not fret and to take all of my worries immediately to the Lord. As I pray and even thank Him for life's difficult circumstances, my worries begin to turn to worship. Oh, how I praise Him for this!

This poem was in my morning devotional. I must share it as it is so fitting for this topic. And it is absolutely beautiful:

Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressoure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.

Pray, pray and pray some more

2010-05-07T07:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday my Thursday morning bible study lecture was on 'prayer'. Interestingly enough, it fell on the National Day of Prayer. Our homework leading up to this lecture was on prayer. When I opened up my daily devotional this morning, it was also on prayer. Do you think God is trying to tell me something :) ???

Yes, I think God speaks quite often in this way when He is trying to get a point across. He brings it up in your bible reading, through a sermon at church, through a speaker on the radio, through your children's devotionals...

My devotional this morning was built around the scripture in Luke 18:1: 'Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.' In fact, the devotional was so helpful and soul-stirring that I must share a portion with you:

'The failure to persevere is the most common problem in prayer and intercession. We begin to pray for something, raising our petitions for a day, a week, or even a month, but then if we have not received a definite answer, we quickly give up and stop praying for it altogether.

This is a mistake with deadly consequences and is simply a trap where we begin many things but never see them completed. It leads to ruin in every area of life. People who get into the habit of starting without ever finishing form a habit of failure. And those who begin praying about something without ever praying it through to a successful conclusion form the same habit in prayer. Giving up is admitting failure and defeat. Defeat then leads to discouragement and doubt in the power of prayer, and that is fatal to the success of a person's prayer life.

People often ask, "How long should I pray? shouldn't I come to the place where I stop praying and leave the matter in God's hands?' The only answer is this: Pray until what you pray for has been acccomplished or until you have complete assurance in your heart that it will be. Only when one of these two conditions has been met is it safe to stop persisting in prayer, for prayer not only is calling upon God but is also a battle with Satan. And because God uses our intercession as a mighty weapon of victory in the conflict, He alone must decide when it is safe to cease from petitioning. Therefore we dare not stop praying until either the answer itself has come or we receive assurance it will come.' from The Practive of Prayer

I was refreshed yesterday by my bible study teacher's important reminder to us HOW IMPORTANT PRAYER IS. She stressed it over and over again. Because most of us in her bible study are married and mothers, she specifically discussed the importance of prayer in regard to our husbands and children. I was so refreshed by her message because I have been to many parenting seminars that stressed everything BUT prayer. 'teach your child this, don't do that, etc. etc.' ...I always left feeling like something was missing and thinking, 'shouldn't it all start with and be under the umbrella of prayer? Isn't it all in vain without the intervening Holy Spirit?'

I wish I had time this morning to write more about this, but my kids need breakfast. In closing, I want to share two great quotes on prayer I heard on the radio yesterday:

'I'd rather teach one man to pray than ten men to preach' --Charles Spurgeon

'A praying man stops sinning and a sinning man stops praying' --unknown

the Ipod mis-hap

2010-04-23T08:00:00.000-04:00

I am training for a mini marathon. Most weeks I have to do a long run on Saturday, consisting of ten or so miles. A few weeks back I took off on my long run. It was a picture perfect day for running. It couldn't have been any better, really. It was in the low 50's--not real windy and sunny but not too sunny. I took off, enjoying the solitude and listening to my tunes on my Ipod.

All was well.

Until I got to mile two. Yes, only mile two.

And my Ipod completely shut down. Totally dead. How can this be??? I thought for sure it had enough battery power to make this run???

So many emotions flooded my being: Anger (this Ipod is a piece of crap! Denial (Surely it is not dead...let me just wait a few minutes and try to turn it on again). Panic (What??? Eight miles in complete silence? Are you serious?) Fear (What if I can't do it?). Dread (This is REALLY going to be painful). And finally, acceptance (Okay, looks like this is my reality. This is my lot. Better make the most of it.)

As is most often the case, I believe this experience was ordained by God to apply to other areas of my life. He so often does that with my running times.

Just as I was relying on my Ipod, I realized how often I rely on lesser things in other areas of my life. Obviously, an Ipod is not 'bad' and it can be a wonderful tool to use to praise Him with my music and get me focused on something besides the pain of the run. Yet, when it becomes the 'be all, end all, I can't run without it', it has just trumped the very essence of why I ever started running in the first place. And why do I run, exactly? I know many of you reading this are now sitting with furrowed brow, quite complexed at the absurdity of doing such a thing! As absurd as it may seem, I do it because it is an act of worship to my Creator God. Just as some of you may glorify Him through your art, your music, or your organizational skills (okay, at the thought of that, now my brow is furrowed!:)), I know one of the ways I can glorify Him is through running.

To get back to my point, I realized that God was giving me a picture into the other areas of my life through this Ipod mishap. How often do I rely on other things in my life more than I rely on Him and Him alone? How 'spiritual' would I be right now, for instance, if my electricity went out and stayed out for the next couple of weeks? Or my washer and dryer quit working? Or my coffee pot, for crying out loud? What if my van broke down and I had to stay home for the next month? Could I handle it? Could I rest in the power of the Almighty alone, or would the absence of these things do me in?

At the moment my Ipod quit, I had to decide one of three things:

1.) Forget this. I'll just turn around and go home and try again tomorrow with a fully charged Ipod.

2.) I'll keep going but it is going to be ugly. I am going to whine and complain the entire time and stop and walk and do it--but do a poor job of it.

3.) I am going to be optimistic here. I am going to ask God for help. I am going to use this time to pray. God is the God of the universe--getting me through this run is a mere blink of an eye for Him!

Let me just say that I've had my moments in the past of choosing #1 and #2. More moments than I care to admit. On this day, however, I chose door number 3.

Well, okay, I chose it after a few minutes of whining and complaining. Yes, I still whined for a few. But then I sucked it up and actually had a really great run. AND I learned a lot about making the most of disappointing and less than perfect circumstances. Mostly, though, I had a special time of communion with my Lord (once he knocked that electronic device right out of the way). I got to experience a deeper time of Fellowship with Him when I no longer had distractions.

What's keeping you from experiencing Him fully today? Is it a 'to do' list a mile long? Is it the television? the computer? facebook? Maybe it's sports? talk radio? Or maybe it's something that is a beautiful gift from the Lord like your children? your spouse? A ministry? Or dare I say it--homeschooling?

We all have areas that are competing for the Lord's spot. We all have them. And many of those things are really good things. I heard a message entitled 'The Idol Factory' by CJ Mahaney not long ago. He said something that really stuck with me: 'It's not the fact that we want or desire good things. No, it's when we want those good things TOO MUCH. That's when it becomes an idol.'

Too often I settle for lesser things rather than the one, true God. Only He alone can satisfy. HE ALONE. I am praying for God to show me how to live this truth out--not only in action but also in the uttermost being of my soul.

8"'You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 9You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 10but showing steadfast love to(G) thousands[b] of those who love me and keep my commandments. Deut. 5-10

4"Hear, O Israel:(E) The LORD our God, the LORD is one.[b] 5You(F) shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6And(G) these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7(H) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8(I) You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9(J) You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deut. 6:4-9

Happenings around here

2010-04-22T07:58:00.000-04:00

---my 3 y.o. has worn baseball pants and shirt for the past three days...not sure if I am going to get him out of this attire anytime soon...

---he also wore his batman costume to the Y yesterday. I figured somebody needed a smile.

---my 8 y.o. has the most impressive baseball coach ever. He even makes me want to jump out there and learn how to play. I have started looking forward to watching his practices. This guy knows what he's doing...

---Cards--it's a household name all year long around here. In the fall and winter we cheer for that basketball team and in the spring and summer we cheer for that baseball team.

---Andrew Peterson--LOVE starting my day with his music...

---the mini marathon is two days away. I'm scared.

---why does my 12 y.o. have to throw things at the rest of us all the time? I'm tired of getting hit in the head with balls and wadded up pieces of aluminum foil. yes, I said 12 y.o., which means I have at least nine more years of this to go with my youngest

---so thankful for my Thursday morning bible study. It keeps me sane.

---love seeing the growth in my 10 y.o. lately... sweet moments for sure.

---I am thankful for God's strength during difficult weeks like this one. I feel like the little blue engine chugging up the hill... just trying to keep my eyes on Him!

Real Love

2010-04-07T08:04:00.000-04:00

Our teaching pastors put this quote up during the sermon a couple of weeks ago:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
— C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)

This was convicting to me. I want to be vulnerable so that I am more loving. Too often, I am fearful of being vulnerable because I do not want to experience rejection. I am like this with people who have knowingly or unknowingly hurt me with their words or actions in the past. It is a defense mechanism that wells up immediately, unfortunately. I do not want this to happen. It is just a habit that is now hard to break.

Sometimes I am not vulnerable because I am too prideful. I do not want to appear needy. Pride and fear--the two emotions that usually go hand in hand and keep us from experiencing Jesus and others fully. I pray daily that these two emotions would lessen in me and be replaced by a spirit of humility and faith.

Real love is messy. Real love experiences conflicts but does not sweep the conflict under the rug and ignore it. Real love talks things through and doesn't punish you if you don't see eye to eye. Real love is not surfacy--it is willing to go deep and discuss real issues of the heart. Real love chooses to love those that are different. Real love doesn't show favoritism. Real love pursues a relationship with you and makes you feel special. Real love encourages and spurs on. Real love shows up even when it is inconvenient. Real love chooses to forgive. Real love spends time with you just because. Real love doesn't hold grudges. Real love admits its weaknesses. Real love confronts but does so gently. Real love doesn't lie. If it sees sin, it calls it sin. Real love doesn't always feel good because there is pain in growth. If it 'feels happy and good' all the time, than it is not real love.

Real love always puts others before self. Real love doesn't boast in achievements or accomplishments. It is unconditional. Real love doesn't shrink back in fear. It is courageous. Real love is not stagnant or dull--it is changing, moving and growing--it is exciting.

Real love goes the distance. Real love transforms. Real love was experienced fully through the Cross. It was costly. It was painful. It was unselfish.

Real love is raw.
Real love is real.

Real love is vulnerable.

Real love is worth it.

Feelings (whoa whoa whoa) Feelings

2010-04-06T07:56:00.000-04:00

did the title make you flashback to Barry Manilow?

Record of the broad range of feelings I experienced yesterday (and most everyday, really):

Satisfaction -- actually getting some things checked off my to do list while on Spring Break

Joy -- that I am alive and breathing today

Amusement -- over our three year old's animated personality and funny antics

Anger -- because of the self-centeredness I see in our lives--don't want to be this way and yet we are.

Exhiliration -- when favorite player Yadier Molina hit his career's first grand slam (on opening day, even!)

Pride -- that I even knew and cared about that last bit of baseball trivia

Angst -- trying not to get sucked into our performance driven culture...yet wanting so much for us and our children to give our all for Jesus in this life

Anticipation -- of going out of town at the end of the week!

Frustration -- over the sin in my life and in those areas I feel stuck (ugh!!!)...

Enjoyment -- of the beautiful spring weather

Thankfulness -- for our thoughtful friend who cooked us dinner last night and spent time hanging with our fam

Hopefulness -- this is going to be the day my three year old no longer wears diapers...

Defeat -- "hi...you think you could pick up some diapers on your way home?"

Solitude -- as my kids all played outside

Discomfort -- while hobbling through my five mile run after running a race on Saturday...

Rejection/Condemnation -- longing for some relationships to be closer than they are...wondering why they're not and what we are doing wrong...

Acceptance -- thankful that God's love through Jesus is unconditional

Determined -- to not let unfruitful feelings and thoughts have reign in me

Love -- as we played outside last night

Contentment -- snuggling up on the couch with our kids watching an American Girl movie

Amazement -- watching Butler play their heart out

Disappointment -- seeing 'the agony of defeat' displayed all over their faces as they walked off the floor...

Peaceful -- knowing that this world is not my home, and that my hope is in Christ alone

I think I have been a Parenting Pharisee

2010-03-28T07:17:00.000-04:00

My last blog post was about parenting and how we feel so inadequate and lost in how to parent our older kids. I have to add some more thoughts to this post. They are some things I have observed in our own parenting journey and thought maybe some of you could relate to this as well.

I mentioned that I have been operating in my own strength with raising our kids because it is something I have been doing for so long that I feel like I should know how to do it. I realized something else, too, that I think has made me pridefully rely on myself and my 'knowledge' way too much. This, I think, has even been a bigger hindrance to finally admitting that I don't have it all together. It's the fact that I have read at least twenty parenting books, attended parenting seminars, and took classes and bible studies specifically concerning parenting. I've stuffed my head full of every bit of knowledge I need for these years. Therefore, I have reasoned in my head, I am equipped. I am ready for anything...

NOT!!!

There just isn't any parenting book or seminar that can specifically walk you through this phase. There just isn't. It is not as cut and dry and black and white as parenting our little ones is. It's not rules-oriented anymore. Saying 'no, because I said so' doesn't work with ten and twelve year olds. Also saying no to them out of fear of saying yes doesn't work so well either.

There are parenting books out there that try to tell you step by step how to 'do' this phase of parenting. They speak as if you do everything just like they tell you to that the result will be model kids. Unfortunately, I bought into this. I believed that I could just follow their program religiously and all would be well. Oh, that word 'religiously' just summed up what is wrong with doing that! I was doing exactly what the Pharisees did when they had their long list of rules to abide by. They got so caught up in their rules that they were completely blinded to the freedom they could have experienced in walking with Jesus.

When I tried to follow a parenting program to the nth degree, I placed that program before God. It became all about the program and not about God. It became all about 'I need to say this and do this and then I will get such and such result'. And then when I didn't get that result I analyzed how I did everything, wondering what I had done wrong since I didn't get the anticipated result. Meanwhile, I think God was waiting on the sidelines, gently knocking on the door to my brain and whispering, 'Excuse me, I created these children. Quit turning to these man-made rules and just turn to me.'

The bottom line, once again, is that it all comes down to relying on God and walking so closely to Him that His thoughts become our thoughts and His ways become ours.

It seems that, for me, parenting these older kids works better when I forget all of those parenting strategies and just:
1.) Love them and let them know it! (Love covers a multitude of sins! 1 Peter 4:8)
2.) talk to them, talk to them, and then talk about things with them again! Talk to them about how whatever they are doing/not doing does or does not line up with Scripture...always letting Scripture be the backbone of whatever we are discussing with them.
3.) Pray with them and for them

And forget the 'how' we are supposed to be doing this. When I get caught up in 'how' I am supposed to be parenting, I just don't give God free reign to work.

Love and Communicate--funny how all relationships always comes down to these two things, isn't it?

One last thing--I am going to quit calling it 'parenting'--it sounds so cold and standoffish. It really needs to be called discipling, right? It is discipling in its truest form.

When God Shows Up

2010-03-25T07:13:00.001-04:00

About three weeks ago Eric and I were at our 'wits-end' in our parenting. We felt in over our heads. We feel like we are moving into a new phase and season of parenting with our twelve and ten year old and we feel so ill-equipped and inadequate.

Honestly, I've been stuck for several months, in denial. I wanted to ignore and deny the fact that I have a twelve year old and things are changing in the way we must parent. I was grieving the fact that Joshua (and soon, Sophie) are starting to need us to be there for them in completely different ways. I have been dragging my feet, screaming and kicking--not wanting to begin this scarey phase.

I was discussing this with my mentor-friend, explaining how I felt like I was totally failing, explaining how we completely don't know what we are doing and that this was such uncharted territory for us. Her advice was the best advice I think I have ever received when it comes to this whole parenting thing. It was completely monumental and 'perspective-changing' for me. So, of course, I just have to share it with you!

She said, "Good. It is a good thing that you feel like you are failing. It is a good thing that you feel so ill-equipped and like you are grappling in the dark, not knowing where you are going. You are exactly where God wants you because He wants to show you how to lean on Him and experience His power in your weakness."

She went on to explain to me the freedom I would experience once I laid this down before the Lord, admitting that: 'I've got nothing. I know nothing. I am in over my head here. I need you, Lord, to show up and take the wheel!'

As I pondered this, I realized that I had been a mom of 'small children' for so many years that at some point I quit worrying/questioning every move I made and how I was parenting them. Somewhere along the way (maybe at child #4???), I got pretty confident in my own strength. I realized I was also trying to parent my older ones in my own strength as well. I had believed (falsely!) that I 'should' have it all together when it comes to parenting because I had been doing it so long. I realized that I had pridefully not wanted to admit that we completely feel lost and in over our heads with these older kids.

So, we have completely lay it bare before God. We have confessed that we are completely weak and hopeless with all of this and we need His strength.

Wow. She wasn't kidding when she said there is great freedom in laying down our burdens before the Lord. The freedom I have began experiencing is incredible. And the changes I have seen happening in us and in our older two children since I have quit feeling like I have to have it all together have been so encouraging.

It's funny to me how this lesson is one that seems to come up over and over again in my Christian walk. I'm sure that this is not the last time I will have to learn that I need to rely on God and not myself.

'And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' 2 Cor. 12:9

'Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you...' 1 Peter 5:7

Too Much

2010-03-09T06:46:00.000-05:00

There are decisions to be made about school next year--will we do any outside classes? Where will we do them? What kinds of classes will we take? Does the Lord even want us to take any classes? Would it be wise to spend our money on such classes? Oh, but Joshua's friends are going to be taking classes here and Sophie's will be taking classes there and in a week is the early registration and if you don't register then the classes get full...and you have to put down 1/3 of the cost just to secure the class...and think about what they are going to miss out on if they don't take these classes...and they'll be missing out on all of these opportunities if you don't sign them up.

IT'S TOO MUCH

Are you going to do cross country next year? and don't forget flag football--everyone from Joshua's basketball team is doing it; he'll be the only one who's not. And don't forget baseball. We can't NOT do baseball. And where are you doing baseball? My kids learned a lot of interesting language last year at THAT baseball league; I wouldn't do that one. And what about swimming? It's only three mandatory days a week at the Y. Oh, and volleyball. Don't forget volleyball. That's only two days a week. And let's not forget the summer art class, everybody's doing it, you know. And it only meets one day a week.

IT'S TOO MUCH

And what about the summer camps? There is art camp. And then there is church camp that is only a mere $250 per child. But come on, Mom, everybody is going--I'll be the only one not there! And let's not forget soccer camp, basketball camp and Lego camp. And don't forget Vacation Bible School. And then there are the Zoo camps. And don't forget Camp Hi-Ho that costs so much that we would need to take out a second mortgage. Oh, and then we have Drama camp--Oh, Mom, I REALLY want to do this one; we actually get to be in a movie that will be seen across the country...

IT'S TOO MUCH

Which curriculum are you going to use next year? Well, you've got to do this one for writing--it's only $200, but totally worth it. And this spelling program only takes 45 minutes of your daily time per child for eight straight years but the payoffs are worth it, really. And you really need to homeschool per the Charlotte Mason method--you'll only be reading outloud to your childen three hours a day. and don't forget Latin--your kids really need to be learning Latin or you can just forget about high SAT scores. It only takes two hours a day to diagram sentences in Latin and we had to hire a Latin tutor just to pass our Latin exams. And I know the language is dead, but it's worth it, really.

IT'S TOO MUCH

Don't forget to send in the rebate for your new phone. And we've got to take back that movie that we bought for Joshua that didn't work. And Sophie needs a pair of jeans that fit. And Jeremiah's tennis shoes are falling apart. Owen's shoes are two sizes too small. No one has any short sleeve shirts and shorts in their drawers--changing that out for five people will take at least five days. and Sophie doesn't have any Spring clothes that fit. And the DAV is coming by today--make sure you set out all those boxes full of stuff. And don't forget to pay the electric, phone and cable bills today. And you better sign up for the homeschool convention and that Tim Hawkins show--it's almost sold out. And have you made that doctor's appointment for your husband yet? He might have high blood pressure and if he collapses in the middle of one of his work outs it's gonna be your fault.

IT'S TOO MUCH

Make sure that you don't buy regular milk from the store anymore. It's full of hormones and your daughter will wind up looking like Dolly Parton by the fifth grade. Instead, you'll need to go across town every third Tuesday at 4:00 pm sharp and buy goat's milk for $5.99 a gallon. And if you don't make your own bread you aren't getting the 28 essential vitamins that every child needs. And make sure you buy fresh fruits and vegetables from the Farmer's Market on Monday afternoons. They are pesticide free. And did you hear about that amazing new drink that you can buy and drink daily? It only cost $6.99 a gallon but it is guaranteed to rid your body of toxins and increase your life span by 10%. Is your baby food homemade? And if you don't have your own garden of home grown vegetables you're just not taking care of your family...

IT'S TOO MUCH

Are you holding your child to first time obedience? And are you teaching them sign language? Oh my, if you don't then they will be whiny. And what about blanket time? Room time? And definitely let's not forget couch time. If you are not doing couch time your children are positively ruined. You might as well give it up. Are you taking advantage of that window of time when you put your kids to bed? If you don't you will not have good, open communication with your children and they'll never ever tell you anything. Are you having family time? Family devotions? Family nights? Are you taking each of your children on one on one dates? You better do this once a month or they'll never feel loved. And what about date nights? Once a week you better do date nights so that your kids know you love each other.....

IT'S TOO MUCH

Oh my. No wonder I am experiencing shortness of breath these days! I am sure you can relate to many of these 'things'--maybe you don't homeschool, etc. but you can exchange the curriculum choices to teacher choices and what not. We all have our lists of things pulling at us and closing in on us until we feel like we can no longer breathe. Granted, many of these things listed are really good things. I am reminded of the verse: 'everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.' 1 Cor. 10:23. Many activities are good, but is God calling us to all of them? I heard Beth Moore say in a bible study, 'You cannot do 100 things to the glory of God!' There is so much truth in that statement and it is also a truth to remember when choosing what extra classes and activities to put our children in.'

I think it comes down to the question: In what and in whom do I put my trust? So often, I choose to put my trust in the activity or achieving a desired output. But God tells us to trust in Him. He tells us to 'seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well' Matthew 6:33.

So from a practical standpoint, what does that look like exactly?

As I have been feeling 'pulled and pushed', God gave me a picture of writing down all of these decisions regarding school and activities--laying it all out before Him and then waiting on Him and His Wisdom. Waiting on God. Wow, such a hard concept for us westernized people who are used to receiving information in a matter of a few seconds. Yet God wants us to wait on Him and allow Him to lead us in all of our decisions. And if I can't wait on Him for His guidance, than where is my trust? It's in myself and the activity. If I am more concerned about 'missing out' then I am in whether God wants us to do the activity in the first place, than I am no longer allowing God to lead us....I have pushed Him out of the driver's seat and taken over the wheel.

I keep hearing God say 'less is more' and 'live simply' in all areas of your life. The hardest part is actually applying this (and applying it consistently!) I constantly feel like we are tempted by the 'too much' lifestyle.

Lord, help us to daily trust you to lead us and not get caught up in what everyone around us is doing! Help us to 'not turn from to the right or to the left', to not look at what this person or that person is doing. Help us to look to You and You alone, knowing that if any of we lack wisdom, we should ask You, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to us. (James 1:5)

In Jesus' Name I pray all of these things, Amen.

No, I am not kidding

2010-03-08T07:04:00.000-05:00

Often, our kids play with the neighborhood boy--Ben--who lives across the street. He is an only child so it is like an instant party for him when our kids come out and play.

Ben is quite the creative fellow. So, I wasn't surprised when he brought out his magnifying glass on Friday afternoon and was trying to 'burn' things. Sophie ran inside to get an Oreo, saying they were going to try to 'burn' it. They were magnifying the rays of sunlight upon the object and basically trying to start a fire. I wasn't the least bit concerned--whoever heard of such a thing actually producing flames? I even thought to myself, "Hey, this can be my kid's science experiment for the week. Thanks, Ben!" (Sidenote: by the way, don't think for a minute I wasn't on to Sophie when she came in for the Oreo. If you know Sophie, you know her love for food and you know she had an ulterior motive. She had plans to eat that experiment when it was all said and done.)

Anyway, they spent their time Friday afternoon experimenting. So, Saturday rolls around. Wes and Jeremiah played outside with all the neighborhood kids for a little awhile before lunch. While they were having lunch I asked them: 'so what do you guys plan to do after lunch?'

Wes' response: 'Oh, we'll probably walk around with Ben and burn things.'

Nice.

I chuckle inwardly. I suppress a smile. Ha, Ha. Walk around and 'burn' things. Good thing it's all just innocent fun....

Ten minutes later I look out the front door to check on them and about pee in my pants. THERE IS A FIRE SHOOTING UP OFF MY NEIGHBOR'S DRIVEWAY WITH FLAMES ONE FOOT HIGH. The pyromaniacs are next to it, looking on. All three of them.

I throw open the door. 'THAT IS NOT FUNNY--PUT THAT OUT! THIS INSTANT!'

I dialed Ben's mom, whom I have on speed dial for reasons such as these. 'Excuse me, but there is a fire with one foot high flames in your driveway...'

Moral to the story? Do not let your child play with magnifying glasses and paper. Seriously.

2010-03-02T15:49:00.000-05:00

Owen's Third Birthday

2010-03-02T15:36:00.000-05:00

Our sweet 'O' turned three yesterday. Watch below as he spits all over his cake--I mean blows out the candles. :)

Today...

2010-02-17T06:54:00.000-05:00

Hello, I've been gone for awhile. Not for any 'one' particular reason, but a conglomerate of reasons--namely, Joshua, Soph, Wes, Jeremiah and Owen. Oh, and the hubs and homeschooling have had me busy, too. And let's not forget the snow. The snow has gotten us all a bit out of our routine. In a good way, though. Practices and events have been cancelled and we have gotten to hang out more at home--one of the very reasons I love snow days!

Anyway, today is a difficult day because it marks the anniversary of my mother's death two years ago. I have been anticipating it for a couple of weeks now. Each day that comes, I remember what I was doing on that day leading up to today two years ago. These days have been marred with discouraging thoughts. I have been having to keep my mind focused on God's promises and His truth while the enemy throws every discouraging thing he can think of at me. His tactics never change, do they? His main artillary is discouragement.

This day has snuck up on me. It just hit me last night that today was 'the day'...the snow had gotten my days off a bit. Because of that, I just feel kind of 'unfeeling' at the moment. Ever feel that way? When something hasn't completely hit you yet?

My Oswald devotional, though, was very fitting for this morning. And I know that I will be able to draw on it today and in the days to come when I have moments of sadness. It is centered around 1 Kings 19:5 which simply says 'Arise and eat.' In this passage, Elijah has been fleeing for his life. After being in the desert for a full day, he lays down under a tree and pleads to God to take his life. You see, Elijah has come to the end of his rope. The circumstances of his life have overtaken him. He is in an all out depression and he's ready to throw in the towel.

So, you'd think God would come to Elijah at this moment with some glorious vision or a pep talk of all pep talks from the angelical hosts, right? My sports-centered mind is envisioning the locker room scene in 'Hoosiers' or 'Facing the Giants'. I mean this guy needs some serious rallying right about now.

But God doesn't do that at all. He sends an angel who touches him and simply says, 'Arise and eat.'

Oswald goes on to say this:

'The angel in this passage did not give Elijah a vision, or explain the Scriptures to him, or do anything remarkable. He simply told Elijah to do a very ordinary thing, that is, to get up and eat. If we were never depressed, we would not be alive--only material things don't suffer depression. If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exaltation. There are things in life that are designed to depress us; for example, things that are associated with death. Whenever you examine yourself, always take into account your capacity for depression.

When the Spirit of God comes to us, He does not give us glorious visions, but He tells us to do the most ordinary things imaginable. Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God's creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things--things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there. The inspiration that comes to us in this way is an initiative against depression. But when the Spirit of God leads us instinctively to do something, the moment we do it the depression is gone. As soon as we arise and obey, we enter a higher plane of life.'

There are two things that were affirming to me in this devotional. The first is the fact that it is okay to be depressed and sad. Did you hear that? IT IS OKAY TO BE SAD! It is a completely normal emotion! This is refreshing to me because sometimes people, in their humanness, make you feel like you are doing something wrong. That you are not being strong or something. Or that you are not being 'spiritual' enough; you know, rising above the pain. Also, I think it just makes people uncomfortable and they don't know how to respond. It's easier for them if you are not struggling with anything. The fact is, though, sometimes you are going to be depressed--it is just a part of the struggle of living in this world where we have to experience loss, pain and death. Yes, through God's supernatural, unexplained ways we can experience peace, strength and even joy amidst our sadness. But the sadness doesn't just go away--you have to go through it.

Secondly, I could relate to the simplicity of 'get up and eat.' Even when we are sad, discouraged or depressed, if we choose to continue to trudge through our mundane tasks, often we are able to shake off the sadness. God meets us in our day-in, day-out jobs and we are able to experience Him. He gets our focus off of our pain and onto our work.

Today, I will trudge through and I will in faith believe that God is going to meet me where I am and give me His peace and joy. Even if I have moments of sadness, that is okay. I am human.

My Hard Heart

2010-01-20T07:03:00.000-05:00

As I have been watching the news on Haiti this week, I am struck with the numbness of my heart. How can I watch the images on TV, then five minutes later be laughing uncontrollably about something my two year old did? How can I reach for that second cookie while watching a report on the lack of food and water? How can I go most the day without giving this catastrophe a second thought? I don't want this to be the case, and yet I am sorry to say that it is. I want my heart to be broken by the things that break God's heart. I want my heart to be burdened for the things that burden Him. I don't want the comforts of my own life to make me numb and insensitive to the extreme poverty in which so much of the world is living.

I know if we ask God to make our heart like His, He will answer. He wants to answer this prayer request more than anything! He longs for this! However, I think the area where I so often fall short is the area of obedience. He asks me to do something in that very still, small voice of His, yet I just brush it aside. I choose to make my day about what I want rather than want He wants. Oh, how difficult it is to truly learn to walk in His Spirit! In our world that is full of cell phones, instant messaging, twittering, emailing, facebooking, I can find myself in a constant buzz of communication yet not in communion with the One whom matters. All of these communication tools can become substitutions, if we are not careful. They slowly and steadily draw you away from the still, small voice saying, 'this is the Way. Walk in it.'

It really comes down to one word. Intentionality. We have to be overly intentional about staying on God's path. Because if we aren't intentionally focused, we are sidetracked by the smallest of things. We have to draw some boundaries and disciplines in our lives that keep us from getting sucked into all the entertainment at our fingertips. We have to be mindful of 'whether we turn to the right or to the left, our ears will hear a voice behind us, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
Isaiah 30:20-

God can and will give us a heart like His. Before He can do that, however, our hearts have to be purged of the things of this world so that the space can be freely occupied by Him and Him alone. And we have to be willing to not just be hearers of His Word, but then Doers.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

My life is not my own! I have been bought with a price!

My job? Your job? LIVE IT OUT.

1But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5having a form of godliness but denying its power. 2 Timothy 3:1-5

Wondering How to Help?

2010-01-14T07:06:00.000-05:00

If you have been following the coverage on the devastating earthquake in Haiti, you may be wondering how you can help. Sometimes when something so devastating happens, I feel overwhelmed by the enormity of it and wonder what my little part can do. It seems so big, that I don't even know how to pray. It has helped me to zero in on specific people who are either right there in the middle of Haiti or have close ties to the country. Checking in with their blogs has helped me know how to pray specifically and what the true needs are. I wanted to share these with you, too. I also listed some relief organizations that are already on the ground working and need our help!

Haiti Rescue Center
This center takes in and cares for malnourished or sick children and adults that come to their center. They are currently working around the clock to help all those around them and to provide clean water and food. Thankfully, their building stayed intacted and no one was hurt in the center. They are asking for donations via Paypal on their website.

The Livesays
These are missionaries that I think actually live in Port au Prince or very close by. They are giving updates of needs through their blog and giving names of people who are currently missing whom you can pray for.

Cross International
This organizational is awesome--a very small percentage of donations go to administration costs and funds go directly to problem areas. They are already on the ground and working to provide what's most needed.

Worldvision and Compassion
These two reputable relief organizations are already on the ground in Haiti and assisting.

This family is in the process of adopting in Haiti (they recently brought home one child from there) and are selling t-shirts and all funds go directly to the Haiti Rescue Center.