For My Son, Joshua, on his 13th birthday

On February 12, 1998, at 8:56 in the morn,
Joshua Eric Grogan came into the world, our family of three was born.

Bright eyed and full lipped, you worked that room, it was definitely love at first sight,
We marveled at those little hands and feet, and thanked God for such beauty and light.

Your orderly personality burst forth, as you were born on your exact due date,
And you screamed and screamed at the top of your lungs, if your milk was a tad bit late.

The obsession with order carried on as you grew, you lined up every toy that you had,
And if anyone messed with that line, oooh, swift justice was served—it was bad.

In God’s ultimate wisdom, He brought you a sister, as opposite from you as could be,
You—serious, she—silly, You—orderly, she—not so much, if you were Bert, she’d definitely be Ernie.

Those early years of clashing between you and your sister, I felt like a referee,
But over the years you’ve grown close with she and her brothers, I think that you’d agree.

The years have gone by in a blink of an eye, it pains me to say ‘your thirteen’,
Yet I am so proud of the man you’re becoming and the good qualities you have gleaned.

I want to point out three men in the Bible whose character I see in you,
First would be Paul, and then Daniel and of course, Joshua—for whom we named you.

Paul was known for standing strong for what’s ‘right’, something that you’re known for,
He never backed down or feared what would happen because Christ was at his core.

He penned the words ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’,
When running, you’ve penned those words on your shorts to give God all the glory,

Perseverance was Paul’s strength, a mental toughness resulting from God alone,
You, too, exhibit this God-given trait; cultivate this seed that’s been sown.

One last thing on Paul—God changed him from rule-follower to ‘always err on the side of grace’,
He went from rigid to flexible, from judgmental to loving, remember this as you run your race.

Daniel, he’s next, he prayed three times a day, his consistency was like no other,
I am proud of the prayer warrior you, too, are becoming, remember that it always covers,

Daniel was also a man of resolve, never once trading truth to be cool,
Stand firm on truth—don’t ever give in—may you dare to be a Daniel.

Lastly, the man for whom you were named, Joshua, he was the guy,
Prayerful, humble and fearless he was, he followed hard after Christ,

Now know these qualities you too can possess in ever increasing measure,
When you remember that ‘down is really up’ as you fall on your knees in prayer,

Joshua was the ultimate leader, directing his crew into the Promised Land,
As you lead in our home, on your teams, and in school, remember to always lend a helping hand.

In closing, I just want to say, I love you, I am so proud of who you are,
Continue to seek the LORD with ALL of your heart and I know that you will go far.

Joshua, YOU ARE A JOSHUA—and one last thing you must forever know:
“Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go!”

Joshua's Season

As I stated in an earlier post, Joshua had been playing on a travel baseball team for the last two years. However, the coach had decided to discontinue the team for the coming year. So we had to make a decision on where he would play. We chose to have all of our boys play recreational ball at Lyndon.

Joshua was randomly assigned to the Bluejays in the 12/13 year old league. To say that the team got off to a rough start would be putting it mildly. They couldn't seem to win a game nor even come close to winning, for that matter. Their team seemed to lack energy and excitement. While the team may have been struggling to perform, I was definitely impressed with the kid's behavior. The coach in the very first practice let them know that he did not entertain any language from the players on his team and if he heard any that they would not play. I was very thankful for his coach's stance on that as I saw and heard otherwise on other teams. From the start, there were no bad attitudes or issues of that sort from any of the players and I truly believe it was because the coach set that standard from the beginning.

Joshua's playing was adequate; there still seemed to be some kind of disconnect going on when he stepped up to the plate. He just didn't perform. Don't misunderstand what I am trying to say. Not everyone is going to be a great baseball player, and that is fine. We have always asked our kids to just do the very best they can, whatever that may be. Give your all; don't hold back. It was just this feeling that he wasn't quite giving 100%; like he was holding back something. The strange thing about all of this was that Joshua is one of the hardest working, disciplined kids I've been around. He is extremely competitive and usually does give his all. I continued praying that God would turn Joshua's hitting around, that He would build Joshua's confidence and that they would at least win a game.

So the season continued and slowly the Blue Jays improved, yet they still couldn't seem to win a game. One practice, about mid season, the coach had them all bring their favorite fruit to practice. Their hitting practice consisted of hitting fruit. The team had more fun that night then they had probably had at all their games combined. I don't know if the coach expected this, but the payoff from that night of practice was strangely fruitful. The next night at their game, the Blue Jays turned it on at the plate. They were on fire and played like we'd never seen them play. They had an energy and excitement we had yet to see them have. They played well and won! While I can't say they suddenly became this amazing team that couldn't be beat, they definitely turned a corner that night. They finally began playing together as a team, displaying zeal and confidence that hadn't been there before.

Little by little, Joshua improved. Little by little his confidence seemed to be coming back. He began to get on the base more than not. And if he could get on the base, you could almost guarantee a run. Yet, there still seemed to be something holding him back...

The last game of the regular season, the Blue Jays faced the Cardinals who were #1 in the league. At the beginning of the season, our coach had told our team that they would beat the Cards before the season was over. That goal had and still seemed to be unattainable.

Yet something completely amazing happened that night. Our team was completely on their game that night. The score went back and forth throughout the game. In the last inning, we were down by four runs. But the Bluejays came back and tied it! We were now going into extra innings!

It seemed from this point forward for every play we made the Cards couldn't. For every pop fly we caught, the Cards couldn't. For every hit we got, the Cards, couldn't. In short, we outplayed them and won!

While Joshua had had an error or two early in the game, he was on fire for the rest of it. He had some incredible hits, great base running and great defense.

After the win, the coach gathered them around and what I heard I will never forget. He said: 'I told all of you that we would beat the Cards before the season was over, didn't I? At the beginning of the year, I knew we were lacking in talent, that some of you were playing baseball for the very first time and that it was going to be a slow go. But I've always said that baseball is more about the heart than about talent. And that's what I saw tonight. I saw a lot of heart. I would rather have someone with a lot of heart playing for me any day than someone with talent and no heart. Also, Grogan and me--we had a little talk early on in the game, didn't we Grogan? He had a few errors and he was mad and down on himself. I told him 'are you going to throw away the rest of the game because of a few errors? Baseball is a game of second chances. It's a forgiving game. You got to look forward and focus on what is in front of you, not on what you did or didn't do. And Grogan did just that and look at the kind of game he had. Never forget that boys. It is the game of second chances.'

Okay, that is about the best talk I ever heard. I think he deserves a baseball academy award for that one. It suddenly hit me that he had just summed up what we had seen Joshua do for the past two years. Joshua is about as perfectionistic as they come and can get down on himself for the smallest mistake. This 'talk' was exactly what Joshua needed and exactly when he needed it. It was a break through. I realized in that moment that God had been hearing my prayers all season and was answering them in His way in His timing. He had everything under control. I knew in my spirit that something changed that night. It was the monumental breakthrough that we had been praying for him.

The tournament started the very next week. Being that we had one of the worst records in the league, we were scheduled to play the #1 team. Yes, you guessed it. We were set to face off against the Cardinals. The odds were totally stacked against them. To be able to pull an upset two times in a row would take an act of God.

Well, acted He did. Once again the Blue Jays won and it wasn't even as close this time! They outplayed them in every way, resulting in the Blue Jays picking off the #1seeded team in the tournament! Joshua continued to play well and it was an exciting night, indeed.

Two nights later, the Blue Jays won again, allowing them to advance to the semi finals of the tournament. At this point in the tournament, there were four teams left and it became double elimination. The Blue Jays were definitely the underdogs but we were ecstatic to have made it this far! Who knew at the beginning of the season we would be seeing this struggling team in the finals of the tournament? God knew, that's who!

Well, I wish I could write that the Blue Jays continued with their miraculous run, and won it all--wouldn't that make for a good ending? Unfortunately, they just couldn't pull it off in the next two games. They lost both and finished fourth in the tournament. We ended on an upbeat, though. In my opinion, to watch a team or athlete improve dramatically from the beginning of a season to an end is one of the most rewarding things to witness.

On a personal note, Joshua was selected to the all-star team, which couldn't have been a better way for him to end his baseball season. It was probably his best played game of the year. He was especially psyched to lead off at bat and play short stop. It made me smile to see him smiling and enjoying himself and playing his heart out. As I watched this game I kept remembering what his coach had said: 'I'd rather have heart over talent anyday...'

I realized this season had been about a lot more than baseball. It had been about recapturing Joshua's heart. It had been about getting out there and enjoying the game and doing the best he could and then being satisfied with that. It had been about learning to be okay with yourself when you make an error. He had learned that you don't look back, agonizing over what could have been, that you've got to keep looking forward, knowing that there is always a second chance around the bend.

Philippians 3:12-14: 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

One day after the season was over, Joshua said to me out of the blue: "I know why I was in such a hitting slump for so long."

"Why?"

"Well, remember the very first time I was up to bat for Impact (the travel team he had played for) and I got hit really hard by the pitcher? Well, I never could get over it and I always tensed up and just couldn't relax when I was up to bat. But this season I was finally able to get over that fear and put it behind me."

It was like we finally had all the missing pieces to the puzzle. While I am not sure why it took two years for Joshua to talk about this fear he was having, I believe it was all in God's timing. He knew that Joshua needed this particular coach and this particular league for this particular season in his life to teach him these particular lessons. The lessons that Joshua learned regarding conquering fears, playing with his heart, and looking forward and not back are life lessons that can be applied to any situation.

God knows what we need when we need it. I am thankful that He listens to a mother's prayers and he answers them in His timing and His way. I am thankful that He cares about a twelve year old's baseball season enough to help conquer his fears and recapture the excitement and heart of the game. I am thankful for sports in our children's lives and all the things about life our children can learn from them. I am thankful for the coaches and how they have influenced each of our kids thus far. Our God is a personal God who cares about even the seemingly small matters in life. Oh, how I am thankful to serve such a God!

Memorizing Scripture

One of the main things we have concentrated on this year in homeschooling is memorizing scripture--not so that they can impress others with how much they know but so that God's Word will penetrate their hearts. God's Word tells us that it will never return void and there are many references in Psalms regarding meditating on His Word day and night. My prayer is that: 1) by memorizing scripture they will meditate upon it unceasingly and that it will cause them to have a hunger and love for the Lord and His statutes 2) that they will have not only head knowledge of what God's Word says, but that they will more importantly have heart knowledge. I also believe that their generation more than any other is going to have to be grounded in scripture through and through. Who knows if Bibles will even be tolerated twenty years from now? Who knows if we will be allowed to be a professed Jesus follower? Maybe this is far fetched, maybe not. But one thing I do know--I want scripture to be so ingrained in their minds and hearts that they can recall it if they are sitting in a prison cell with no access to God's Word...or if they are meeting secretly with other believers and Bibles are unattainable. Hopefully, things won't be that grim but either/or, our children need to know God's Word and be lovers of God's Word so that they can share His truth with others!

Memorizing hasn't always been the easiest thing for my oldest son, Joshua (I think he gets this from me!), while my daughter and second son have a natural knack for memorizing. However, for what he lacks in skill, he makes up with his tenacity. It has been so rewarding to watch him work so hard at this this year. If I was giving Homeschool Awards, he would get one for 'Hardest Work Ethic'. And what I love most about his memorization effort is that he has found a way to memorize that works for him. He makes up 'raps' about the scripture that we are memorizing. It reminds me of Potsie on Happy Days when he learned the names of the bones of the body by making up a song about it (remember that?)!

This year--for the most part--we have been memorizing passages of scripture rather than single verses. The scripture we have been learning recently is 1 Cor. 13 -- the love chapter. So, here you go--here is the 'Love Rap'. It took about six trys videoing this because I kept busting out laughing in the middle of it! I just couldn't help it! It's just so funny :) . Joshua may not have a future in hip hop but rapping these bible verses has even stuck in my brain-dead head! I can say it from memory now, thanks to this rap! (by the way, make sure you hit the pause button on my playlist at the bottom of the screen before watching this video)

Love in Action

Have you ever had one of those rare moments where you catch your child doing something completely kind and loving to another sibling? I experienced that yesterday and it melted my heart.

Monday, Jeremiah had hernia surgery; thus, he cannot jump, run or rough play for two weeks until his incision heals. Ha! Try telling a four-year-old boy that he cannot do these things! Especially one with older brothers. Since Monday, I have become the ultimate Joy Robber and the bearer of bad news as I remind him over and over that he --basically-- cannot be a boy.

So, yesterday we went to the Y so I could get a run in while Eric is out of town. The kids go to the Adventure Center while I work out. They love going and it is usually the highlight of the day--unless you are a four-year-old who has just had surgery. Jeremiah was downcast to say the least. Here he was at an Adventure Center with instructions to not adventure. I was basically rubbing his face in the fact that he is not allowed to run or jump. Suffice to say, as I left him there I had extreme 'Mother's Guilt Syndrome'.

My guilt spurred me to rush through my workout. I couldn't really enjoy it since I was concerned about how he was coping and concerned that he would be tempted to rough play anyway. So imagine my surprise when I picked up my children, totally expecting to retrieve a long-faced four-year-old, but instead was met with absolute contentment! Jeremiah had a paper airplane in his hand and was completely immersed in flying it. I looked around, noticing that every child his age was doing the same thing. As we were leaving, my oldest child--Joshua--filled me in. He explained that he was worried about Jeremiah running and jumping so he had made him a paper airplane to keep him occupied. After making him one, all of the other children had wanted one too. So he spent a large part of his time making the younger kids paper airplanes. (Later that evening, I learned he had watched over Jeremiah the entire time, making sure he didn't get rowdy).

Wow. I am blown away by this tender, protective act of love exchanged between brothers. No, this is not yet what characterizes my children in their relationship with one another. But it is something I desire and pray for daily. I got to see a glimpse of that prayer answered yesterday. I saw progress. It felt good.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18

PS - I feel like I need to tell you this. I broke up a fight between brother and sister while I wrote that last paragraph. :)

Birthday #2 -- Football

Joshua's birthday came next on Feb. 12th. He had seven friends over for a little flag football action. I absolutely love all of these kids and their families. As I look at these pictures I am just so thankful that God has surrounded Joshua with such sweet, fun kids. Even though many of these boys didn't know one another they just jumped right into playing and horsing around. I love this about boys! No drama, just good ole solid fun!

Taking Flight

About three weeks ago, our oldest son, Joshua, had a monumental experience. I have been wanting to write about it for awhile and just haven't had the time...so here it goes.

Back in May, our friends in St. Louis called and invited Joshua to go to Florida with them for a week. To give you some background: our friends moved from Louisville about four years ago. We were in a small group with them and their son, Andy, and our son Joshua were big buddies. We see them about once or twice a year and Joshua and Andy always look forward to reconnecting. Andy is an only child and they thought that it would be fun for him to have a buddy on their vacation this year. But there was a BIG catch: Joshua would have to fly by himself to get there. My first thought was, well that is way too expensive. Even if we were willing to let him go, we really don't have money set aside for him to fly somewhere. But that thought was soon squashed. Our friends' happened to have frequent flyer miles that they insisted that he use. OK. So cost is no longer an issue...

Joshua is our cautious firstborn who likes to be in control. He has struggled with fears on so many different levels since he was itty bitty. He is not a risk taker. He had expressed to us before that he was scared to fly. I honestly doubted that he would want to go, even with the enticement of spending a week with his buddy, Andy.

So we began with asking Joshua if he would even be willing to fly by himself. His initial response was, 'no way.' However, after he'd had a few hours to mull it over, he began to warm up to the idea. By the end of the day, he was actually getting excited about the prospect of it and began hoping that we would decide that he could go. OK. So cost is no longer an issue. And fear is no longer an issue....

I was stunned that we had gotten this far. Now the ball was in our court. So, I began thinking upon this. It sounded something like this in my head: "Joshua is ten years old. TEN. Fly???!!! By himself??? WHAT IN THE WORLD??? ARE WE CRAZY TO EVEN CONSIDER THIS???"

Strangely enough, from the intial conversations Eric and I had about him going, our gut instinct was saying, 'yes, let him go.' We spent a week praying about it; we wanted to know if those 'gut instinct' feelings were from the Lord. After that week of praying, we still had an absolute peace about sending him and felt the Lord was saying 'yes'. So, we finally concurred.

Over the next couple of months, there were times when I talked to others about this decision that I could sense them thinking: "You are crazy, you are so crazy...over my dead body would I let my child do that..." There were times I would begin waffling and catch myself wondering "Are you crazy??? What are you thinking??!!! Are you sure the Lord said to do this?" I had to keep reminding myself that Eric and I had prayed about this and had both felt clearly that the Lord had said yes. I had to remind myself over and over and over and over.

The Thursday morning before Joshua was supposed to leave, we sat down as a family while Eric read the first chapter of Joshua outloud. While up to this point we had had a peace about Joshua going, at this moment I began to tangibly feel the Lord in this decision. For many reasons, it was very fitting to be reading the first chapter of Joshua outloud to prepare Joshua for this departure. For one, Joshua was named after this Joshua in the Bible. The verse Joshua 1:9 hangs on a canvas in his bedroom and he considers it his 'life verse'. This verse says: 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' Secondly, the Lord repeats over and over again to Joshua in this chapter: 'Be strong and courageous!' What better words could our Joshua hear right before this trip?

As the Lord often does, He had even more to teach us that morning. Verses 7-9 specifically say: 'Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' As we read these verses we were able to talk to Joshua about the importance of the following:

• reading his devotional and Bible even when his mom and dad are not there to tell him to.
• obeying the commandments in scripture even when we are not there to direct him, such as shielding his eyes from things that might come on tv, talking respectful in our absence, etc.
• that he need not be nervous about flying because God is always with him wherever he is.

Verse 11 says 'Go through the camp and tell the people, 'get your supplies ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession o f the land the Lord your God is giving you for your own.' I do not believe it was a coincidence that we were reading this three days prior to Joshua's flight! Eric, Sophie and myself had each written down bible verses on index cards for him to pull out while he was taking off and anytime he became nervous or scared during the flight. We talked to him about the importance of getting your 'spiritual' supplies ready before you venture out on your own. We each gave him the bible verses we had for him, explaining that these were his supplies. He could read these outloud and internalize God's truths as he was flying.

So, Sunday arrived. We were at Kentucky Lake for the weekend with our extended family. The plan was that I would take him to the Nashville airport and then stay all night with some friends that night and head back to Louisville the following day. So it was just me and Joshua. A mother sending off his son. Joshua was visibly nervous the whole morning. I kept reminding him of God's truths. Once we began the process of checking bags, going through security, etc, all of Joshua's fears seemed to vanish and it was replaced by anticipation and excitement. Everything went without a hitch. Everyone was so friendly and overly helpful (gotta love those Nashvillians!).

Finally, it was time to board the plane. We hugged and said our goodbyes. As he walked away I felt a tug on my heart. As I watched the plane back up and begin taxiing away, I felt a bigger tug. Amazingly, I was able to watch the plane taxi to the runway, takeoff, and ascend into the sky until it was just a tiny speck. As the plane got smaller and smaller, the void in my heart got larger and larger. Questions bombarded my mind: 'what if he is scared? what if someone who doesn't like kids is sitting next to him? what if they crash? what if...what if...what if....???' Joshua 1:9 came back to me as clearly as if the Lord was speaking it aloud: 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged. For I am with your Joshua--my Joshua--wherever he goes.' He also reminded me that He loved Joshua much more than I could ever love him.

As I walked out of the airport, I could see in the distance the Nashville skyline. The sun was setting behind it and it was illuminated by the clouds that surrounded it. It was absolutely beautiful. It reminded me of the love I have for this city. The city that I came to know God as my Savior. And now the city where I was sending my son off for the very first time, with the promise that His Savior was protectinwith Him. I was trusting the Lord with Joshua, even though it felt as if my heart had been ripped out. I thought about all of the mother's of missionaries...all of the mother's of soldiers sent out to war...I realized I had just had a small taste of their experience. I thought about how this was just the beginning of many times that I would be sending my children off. With every year that passes they are getting older and 'taking flight'. Somehow, I knew that it was going to be hard to send them out but that the Lord would give me the strength to do it, just as He had tonight.

Well, the week sped by, Joshua had a blast and flew home without a hitch. I thought about all of the lessons Joshua and our family had learned through this adventure. Lessons about faith and facing our fears through leaning on our Lord. I thought about how this was a definite spiritual marker in all of our lives, specifically in Joshua's. I thought about all of the lessons we would have missed if we had said 'no'. I am thankful that we listened to the Lord and said 'yes'.