A Tribute to my Grandma

My Grandma, Mabel Winkler, passed away last Wednesday, June 16. She was 97 years old and lived a very full, healthy life. She leaves behind my aunt, fourteen grandchildren, thirty-one great-grandchildren and one great-great grand child. Below is a tribute to a live lived well:



Our Grandma was what you would call the All American Grandma because she was exactly what you envision when you think of the word Grandma.

She was sweeter than sweet. Everyone that met her said so. She always had a compliment or a kind word for you. Always. I never visited her when she didn’t have something positive and uplifting to say to me.

Grandma knew how to make you feel welcomed and it usually involved some kind of fresh baked goody. She knew that chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven or freshly made Rice Krispy treats instantly made the world a better place. Grandma was quick to let you know that they hadn't turned out quite right this time—that something must be wrong with her oven. Nevertheless, they always tasted perfect.

Thanksgiving just didn't happen without my Grandma. She started the two traditions that have made Thanksgiving on my side of the family what it is today: butterhorn rolls and homemade noodles. To this day I don't think either I or my four siblings have ever missed this holiday get-together with my side of the family. I really think it has to do with these two food items. Nobody else's thanksgiving dinners can compare. Nope, no-one's.

In a world that is fast paced and in a hurry, Grandma wasn't. You never felt like you were an interruption. She always had time for you. She was always available to be called on at a moment's notice for last minute sleep-overs or just to spend the evening together. She was never too busy for a game of cards or checkers. And somehow she never won any of the games! I'm pretty sure that was on purpose.

Grandma always had a smile for you. Always. And if I try I can still hear her laugh. It was a quiet and gentle chuckle, just like her.

She was a classy lady. She cared enough about her appearance to take time to look nice, yet didn’t overly fuss over herself.

She was very independent and determined. In her seventies and eighties, she rode the bus all over town to get where she needed to go. Staunchly loyal to her Democratic roots, she had an opinion about every election and was determined to cast her vote.

And wow. Did she have a servant’s heart. You could always find her in the kitchen at family get togethers. She sacrificially did all the jobs that no one wanted to do, like scrub the dishes at the kitchen sink while everyone else talked and played. My Grandma was eighty-two when Eric and I got married. Yet she stayed at my reception and helped clean up everything until one o'clock in the morning.

Grandma grew up going to church and went for all of her married life until my Grandpa got too sick to go. Since she couldn't drive, she couldn't go unless someone offered to take her. For most of her later life, she watched church service on TV on Sunday mornings. In many of my conversations with her, she often mentioned 'the good Lord' and she showed me her tried and true Bible on more than one occasion.

Now, Grandma could have her angry moments. Such as the time she threw a pie in Grandpa’s face when he came home late on his birthday. However, these moments were few and far between and out of character for her. Which is probably why the ‘pie story’ has been told and retold a million times because it is so hard to imagine her doing such a thing, making it all the more funnier.

Most comforting about Grandma was that she was always there. Content to not be the life of the party, she was always there in the background watching. She loved watching and being around her grandkids and great grand kids more than anything else in the world.

All of these qualities we see in Grandma are such comforting, refreshing qualities because they are the same qualities that we see in God’s son, Jesus. Just as Grandma sat in the background and was always there, He too sits in the background of our life—forever there--waiting for us to choose Him. He is not overbearing. He is not demanding. He is quietly waiting for you to come to Him. Just like Grandma, He lived a sacrificial life on this earth. He came and died a brutal life on the cross, shedding his blood for our sins so that we could have everlasting life with Him.

Just like Grandma and her pie throwing moment, we all have our moments of sin, too. It might not be anger but it might be pride, jealousy, impatience... You name it. We all struggle with sin because we are all part of this fallen world. But God gave us a way out. We can confess those sins to God and trust our lives with Jesus.

There is a Bible verse that I feel completely describes Grandma’s life. Even though this verse is instruction to wives in how to win over their unbelieving husbands, I believe that it sums up how Grandma lived her life before us. It’s 1 Peter 3:1-4:

‘Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.’

Grandma never had to say a word about Jesus for us to know that she had Jesus within her. Her pure conduct and the beauty of her gentle and quiet spirit said it all. Her calming and quiet spirit was never anxious or fretful about dying because she knew where she was going. She was ready for heaven where she could worship God and do that which we were all created to do. My hope for each of us is that we too would reflect on Grandma’s life and ask ourselves if we too have that same confident, peaceful assurance that she had.

Worry or Worship?

Tonight concludes the bible study that I have been doing these past eight weeks. This week's homework has been on worrying. At first, I'll admit, I thought to myself, 'oh, that is something that I used to really deal with, but I don't really struggle with that anymore.' HA! I should realize that anytime I arrogantly think or make a statement like that, God is going to come along and set me straight. Of course, He did just that through my homework this week. With His sweet grace and gentleness, He showed me that worry is still indeed an area of struggle in my life. While, yes, the Lord has done a great work in me since the time I became a believer thirteen years ago, I still have areas of my life that I am more prone to worry through rather than giving over to God.

Just to name a few: I worry about my children's salvation. I worry about Eric's health. I worry about my children's health. I worry about my health. I worry that we will be in a terrible car accident. I worry when we have to drive in bad weather. I worry that my parenting is messing up my kids. I worry about Eric losing his job. I worry about teaching my kids everything that they need to know for school. I worry about finances... and mind you, I am just getting warmed up!

Oh my--and I thought that I didn't have a problem with worrying???

When I first became a believer, worry was such a stronghold for me that the first verse I memorized was: 'do not be anxious about anything, but everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, submit your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:6-7'' This verse gave me so much comfort and it still does. When I say this verse outloud when I feel myself start to fret, I can tangibly feel His peace begin to wash over my being. Oh, how I love that about God's Word! It REALLY IS living and breathing and able to transform us from within!

While worry is still a weakness for me (I can spiral down the 'worry tube' in a heartbeat!), I do feel like I have a better grip than I used to on this area--that God is sanctifying me. I have learned (and am learning!) to not fret and to take all of my worries immediately to the Lord. As I pray and even thank Him for life's difficult circumstances, my worries begin to turn to worship. Oh, how I praise Him for this!

This poem was in my morning devotional. I must share it as it is so fitting for this topic. And it is absolutely beautiful:

Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressoure on pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.

Pray, pray and pray some more

Yesterday my Thursday morning bible study lecture was on 'prayer'. Interestingly enough, it fell on the National Day of Prayer. Our homework leading up to this lecture was on prayer. When I opened up my daily devotional this morning, it was also on prayer. Do you think God is trying to tell me something :) ???

Yes, I think God speaks quite often in this way when He is trying to get a point across. He brings it up in your bible reading, through a sermon at church, through a speaker on the radio, through your children's devotionals...

My devotional this morning was built around the scripture in Luke 18:1: 'Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.' In fact, the devotional was so helpful and soul-stirring that I must share a portion with you:

'The failure to persevere is the most common problem in prayer and intercession. We begin to pray for something, raising our petitions for a day, a week, or even a month, but then if we have not received a definite answer, we quickly give up and stop praying for it altogether.

This is a mistake with deadly consequences and is simply a trap where we begin many things but never see them completed. It leads to ruin in every area of life. People who get into the habit of starting without ever finishing form a habit of failure. And those who begin praying about something without ever praying it through to a successful conclusion form the same habit in prayer. Giving up is admitting failure and defeat. Defeat then leads to discouragement and doubt in the power of prayer, and that is fatal to the success of a person's prayer life.

People often ask, "How long should I pray? shouldn't I come to the place where I stop praying and leave the matter in God's hands?' The only answer is this: Pray until what you pray for has been acccomplished or until you have complete assurance in your heart that it will be. Only when one of these two conditions has been met is it safe to stop persisting in prayer, for prayer not only is calling upon God but is also a battle with Satan. And because God uses our intercession as a mighty weapon of victory in the conflict, He alone must decide when it is safe to cease from petitioning. Therefore we dare not stop praying until either the answer itself has come or we receive assurance it will come.' from The Practive of Prayer

I was refreshed yesterday by my bible study teacher's important reminder to us HOW IMPORTANT PRAYER IS. She stressed it over and over again. Because most of us in her bible study are married and mothers, she specifically discussed the importance of prayer in regard to our husbands and children. I was so refreshed by her message because I have been to many parenting seminars that stressed everything BUT prayer. 'teach your child this, don't do that, etc. etc.' ...I always left feeling like something was missing and thinking, 'shouldn't it all start with and be under the umbrella of prayer? Isn't it all in vain without the intervening Holy Spirit?'

I wish I had time this morning to write more about this, but my kids need breakfast. In closing, I want to share two great quotes on prayer I heard on the radio yesterday:

'I'd rather teach one man to pray than ten men to preach' --Charles Spurgeon

'A praying man stops sinning and a sinning man stops praying' --unknown

the Ipod mis-hap

I am training for a mini marathon. Most weeks I have to do a long run on Saturday, consisting of ten or so miles. A few weeks back I took off on my long run. It was a picture perfect day for running. It couldn't have been any better, really. It was in the low 50's--not real windy and sunny but not too sunny. I took off, enjoying the solitude and listening to my tunes on my Ipod.

All was well.

Until I got to mile two. Yes, only mile two.

And my Ipod completely shut down. Totally dead. How can this be??? I thought for sure it had enough battery power to make this run???

So many emotions flooded my being: Anger (this Ipod is a piece of crap! Denial (Surely it is not dead...let me just wait a few minutes and try to turn it on again). Panic (What??? Eight miles in complete silence? Are you serious?) Fear (What if I can't do it?). Dread (This is REALLY going to be painful). And finally, acceptance (Okay, looks like this is my reality. This is my lot. Better make the most of it.)

As is most often the case, I believe this experience was ordained by God to apply to other areas of my life. He so often does that with my running times.

Just as I was relying on my Ipod, I realized how often I rely on lesser things in other areas of my life. Obviously, an Ipod is not 'bad' and it can be a wonderful tool to use to praise Him with my music and get me focused on something besides the pain of the run. Yet, when it becomes the 'be all, end all, I can't run without it', it has just trumped the very essence of why I ever started running in the first place. And why do I run, exactly? I know many of you reading this are now sitting with furrowed brow, quite complexed at the absurdity of doing such a thing! As absurd as it may seem, I do it because it is an act of worship to my Creator God. Just as some of you may glorify Him through your art, your music, or your organizational skills (okay, at the thought of that, now my brow is furrowed!:)), I know one of the ways I can glorify Him is through running.

To get back to my point, I realized that God was giving me a picture into the other areas of my life through this Ipod mishap. How often do I rely on other things in my life more than I rely on Him and Him alone? How 'spiritual' would I be right now, for instance, if my electricity went out and stayed out for the next couple of weeks? Or my washer and dryer quit working? Or my coffee pot, for crying out loud? What if my van broke down and I had to stay home for the next month? Could I handle it? Could I rest in the power of the Almighty alone, or would the absence of these things do me in?

At the moment my Ipod quit, I had to decide one of three things:

1.) Forget this. I'll just turn around and go home and try again tomorrow with a fully charged Ipod.

2.) I'll keep going but it is going to be ugly. I am going to whine and complain the entire time and stop and walk and do it--but do a poor job of it.

3.) I am going to be optimistic here. I am going to ask God for help. I am going to use this time to pray. God is the God of the universe--getting me through this run is a mere blink of an eye for Him!

Let me just say that I've had my moments in the past of choosing #1 and #2. More moments than I care to admit. On this day, however, I chose door number 3.

Well, okay, I chose it after a few minutes of whining and complaining. Yes, I still whined for a few. But then I sucked it up and actually had a really great run. AND I learned a lot about making the most of disappointing and less than perfect circumstances. Mostly, though, I had a special time of communion with my Lord (once he knocked that electronic device right out of the way). I got to experience a deeper time of Fellowship with Him when I no longer had distractions.

What's keeping you from experiencing Him fully today? Is it a 'to do' list a mile long? Is it the television? the computer? facebook? Maybe it's sports? talk radio? Or maybe it's something that is a beautiful gift from the Lord like your children? your spouse? A ministry? Or dare I say it--homeschooling?

We all have areas that are competing for the Lord's spot. We all have them. And many of those things are really good things. I heard a message entitled 'The Idol Factory' by CJ Mahaney not long ago. He said something that really stuck with me: 'It's not the fact that we want or desire good things. No, it's when we want those good things TOO MUCH. That's when it becomes an idol.'

Too often I settle for lesser things rather than the one, true God. Only He alone can satisfy. HE ALONE. I am praying for God to show me how to live this truth out--not only in action but also in the uttermost being of my soul.

8"'You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 9You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 10but showing steadfast love to(G) thousands[b] of those who love me and keep my commandments. Deut. 5-10

4"Hear, O Israel:(E) The LORD our God, the LORD is one.[b] 5You(F) shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6And(G) these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7(H) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8(I) You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9(J) You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deut. 6:4-9

Happenings around here

---my 3 y.o. has worn baseball pants and shirt for the past three days...not sure if I am going to get him out of this attire anytime soon...

---he also wore his batman costume to the Y yesterday. I figured somebody needed a smile.

---my 8 y.o. has the most impressive baseball coach ever. He even makes me want to jump out there and learn how to play. I have started looking forward to watching his practices. This guy knows what he's doing...

---Cards--it's a household name all year long around here. In the fall and winter we cheer for that basketball team and in the spring and summer we cheer for that baseball team.

---Andrew Peterson--LOVE starting my day with his music...

---the mini marathon is two days away. I'm scared.

---why does my 12 y.o. have to throw things at the rest of us all the time? I'm tired of getting hit in the head with balls and wadded up pieces of aluminum foil. yes, I said 12 y.o., which means I have at least nine more years of this to go with my youngest

---so thankful for my Thursday morning bible study. It keeps me sane.

---love seeing the growth in my 10 y.o. lately... sweet moments for sure.

---I am thankful for God's strength during difficult weeks like this one. I feel like the little blue engine chugging up the hill... just trying to keep my eyes on Him!

Real Love

Our teaching pastors put this quote up during the sermon a couple of weeks ago:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
— C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)

This was convicting to me. I want to be vulnerable so that I am more loving. Too often, I am fearful of being vulnerable because I do not want to experience rejection. I am like this with people who have knowingly or unknowingly hurt me with their words or actions in the past. It is a defense mechanism that wells up immediately, unfortunately. I do not want this to happen. It is just a habit that is now hard to break.

Sometimes I am not vulnerable because I am too prideful. I do not want to appear needy. Pride and fear--the two emotions that usually go hand in hand and keep us from experiencing Jesus and others fully. I pray daily that these two emotions would lessen in me and be replaced by a spirit of humility and faith.

Real love is messy. Real love experiences conflicts but does not sweep the conflict under the rug and ignore it. Real love talks things through and doesn't punish you if you don't see eye to eye. Real love is not surfacy--it is willing to go deep and discuss real issues of the heart. Real love chooses to love those that are different. Real love doesn't show favoritism. Real love pursues a relationship with you and makes you feel special. Real love encourages and spurs on. Real love shows up even when it is inconvenient. Real love chooses to forgive. Real love spends time with you just because. Real love doesn't hold grudges. Real love admits its weaknesses. Real love confronts but does so gently. Real love doesn't lie. If it sees sin, it calls it sin. Real love doesn't always feel good because there is pain in growth. If it 'feels happy and good' all the time, than it is not real love.

Real love always puts others before self. Real love doesn't boast in achievements or accomplishments. It is unconditional. Real love doesn't shrink back in fear. It is courageous. Real love is not stagnant or dull--it is changing, moving and growing--it is exciting.

Real love goes the distance. Real love transforms. Real love was experienced fully through the Cross. It was costly. It was painful. It was unselfish.


Real love is raw.
Real love is real.

Real love is vulnerable.

Real love is worth it.

Feelings (whoa whoa whoa) Feelings

did the title make you flashback to Barry Manilow?

Record of the broad range of feelings I experienced yesterday (and most everyday, really):

Satisfaction -- actually getting some things checked off my to do list while on Spring Break

Joy -- that I am alive and breathing today

Amusement -- over our three year old's animated personality and funny antics

Anger -- because of the self-centeredness I see in our lives--don't want to be this way and yet we are.

Exhiliration -- when favorite player Yadier Molina hit his career's first grand slam (on opening day, even!)

Pride -- that I even knew and cared about that last bit of baseball trivia

Angst -- trying not to get sucked into our performance driven culture...yet wanting so much for us and our children to give our all for Jesus in this life

Anticipation -- of going out of town at the end of the week!

Frustration -- over the sin in my life and in those areas I feel stuck (ugh!!!)...

Enjoyment -- of the beautiful spring weather

Thankfulness -- for our thoughtful friend who cooked us dinner last night and spent time hanging with our fam

Hopefulness -- this is going to be the day my three year old no longer wears diapers...

Defeat -- "hi...you think you could pick up some diapers on your way home?"

Solitude -- as my kids all played outside

Discomfort -- while hobbling through my five mile run after running a race on Saturday...

Rejection/Condemnation -- longing for some relationships to be closer than they are...wondering why they're not and what we are doing wrong...

Acceptance -- thankful that God's love through Jesus is unconditional

Determined -- to not let unfruitful feelings and thoughts have reign in me

Love -- as we played outside last night

Contentment -- snuggling up on the couch with our kids watching an American Girl movie

Amazement -- watching Butler play their heart out

Disappointment -- seeing 'the agony of defeat' displayed all over their faces as they walked off the floor...

Peaceful -- knowing that this world is not my home, and that my hope is in Christ alone